Friday, February 24, 2012

Fiction Friday: Pigs in Farce!

A video by Christian commedian (or is he a commedian who's a Christian, because there is probably a difference there) John Branyan has been floating around the interwebz, and I've decided that I wanted to post it, too.  Before I do that, I'd like to explain why I want to post it. 

The video I'm about to post is a Shakespearian retelling of "The Three Little Pigs."  It's absolutely hilarious--even though it's a bit long, it's worth watching. 

I like this video even more because it reminds me of an assignment I had in a British Literature class at my first college.  I was required to rewrite a fairy tale in the style of Beowulf.  The story I chose (drumroll): "The Three Little Pigs." 

I'm going to post my story before I post the video, because my story is over a decade old and isn't all that brilliant, and I'm the kind of person who likes to save the best for last.  If you want to skip down to the hilarious video without reading what I have dubbed "The Epic of Bay-No-Wulf," feel free!

The Epic of Bay-No-Wolf and the Three Pigs

A monster, fearful demon of the woods,
struck silently, teeth bearing cruel hunger lust.
Through forest glades he preyed, seeking his first feast.
The God-forsaken Big Bad Wolf crept ravenously, now
the straw structure was now in his sights.
The structure, simplest of three,
was tapered along the terrain of Pigland.
Then sucking in dry death wind, this foul
Pig-Eater heaved forth his vile breath.
When the Wolf had exhausted his angry air,
the straw house had collapsed. It was fallen.
Angered to discover his banquet had fled,
the Pursuer-of-Pork continued to the second structure of sticks.
Bolting for existence, the straw house’s occupant
wearily found his way to the side of Bay-No-Wolf.
Overwhelmed by the pig’s urgency, the hero began the
planning for the pursuit of his adversary.
The second stick house met a similar fate to its predecessor's
as the Big Bad Wolf exhaled his bitter destruction.
He then continued on to the final fortress, forged in brick
since no feast was found in the second of houses.
In reaching the brick building, the beast unleashed his air,
but firmly the house stood, shaming the force of the Wolf wind.
Holy fire in his eyes, the war-prince now emerged from the house.
In hungered surprise and delight, the Eater-of-Ham greedily struck at Bay-No-Wolf,
But the great lord leapt onto the roof, swiftly dodging the attack.
In hate blindness, the enemy lunged after him, too far.
A howl sounded as the Wolf missed his target,
falling down the chimney to a fiery demise.
Descending from the roof, the hero raised a mighty shout.
The news of his great feat was told from the chops of three pigs.

And now for something completely different pretty much the same, but much better:

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