Loving Leadership

If you had told sixteen year old me that I’d one day be writing a blog about leadership, sixteen year old me would laugh at you and then eat seven cookies.  Because sixteen year old me really believed she’d only ever be a follower, and sixteen year old me really had no concept of what too many calories can do to a person.

Leadership is still something that really does not come naturally to me at all, but I’ve somehow found myself in a few leadership positions, lately.  It’s definitely been a learning experience.  God’s used these leading opportunities to teach me more about choosing love over fear.  …because apparently, when you put an insecure person like me in charge of something, well, there’s going to be some sort of struggle.

Struggles aren’t always bad.  They’re just something you have to work through.  I figure that’s why they’re called struggles.

Well, I’m no expert, but here are some of the things I’ve learned about leadership over the past several months:

1. Grace, grace, grace. 

Leadership takes grace.  Lots of grace.  If leadership were ice cream, it would need to be covered in chocolate grace sauce, caramel grace sauce, whipped grace cream, and a generous portion of rainbow grace sprinkles.  And also a big ol’ grace cherry on top.  Now I’m thinking about calories again….

But really, you can’t have leadership without tons and tons of grace.  I mean both from the leaders AND the followers AND from YOURSELF.  I’ve been a follower, and believe me, followers make mistakes.  I’ve been a leader, and BELIEVE me, leaders make mistakes.  Sometimes even the best leaders have to deal with people who think a leader has to be perfect.  But what’s worse is a leader who acts like he/she HAS to be perfect.  Don’t put unrealistic expectations on others.  Don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself. 

Let me tell you about one of the most gracious people I’ve ever had the opportunity to work with.  My assistant teacher in my preschool class last year was amazing. 

Now, God has a sense of humor, and wouldn’t you know that he put the soft-spoken person (me) in a classroom with a hard of hearing person (my assistant teacher).  So sometimes I would ask her to do something or somehow give direction, and she wouldn’t hear me.  And I’m not going to lie.  I got MAD.  I do that sometimes.  I thought she was just ignoring me or just doing her own thing, because, as I might have mentioned before, I’m insecure. 

So when I got frustrated and confronted her about these times, she would just meekly say, “I’m sorry.  I really didn’t hear you.”  And then I’d feel like dirt, and I’d apologize.

And she forgave me.  Every time.  And on top of that she would make sure she knew how much she appreciated my leadership and friendship.  And THAT, my friends, is an example of a gracious follower, one who has the potential to be a great leader, too.  It’s also an example of a not so gracious leader—but, thank God, that leader (me) is learning.

2. HUMILITY

This kind of goes along with the first one.  When I gave that example of a not so gracious leader (me), there was a redeeming factor.  Eventually.  It might have taken me awhile to get there, but I took notice of the times when I was just plain wrong, and I acknowledged them and sincerely apologized for them.  Because a good (or, in my case, a growing) leader is humble.

In the past few months, God’s taught me a lesson in this through the poor leadership choices of others.  I've been under leaders who would make mistakes and just flatly REFUSE to acknowledge any fault.  I think the rationale is that if a leader appears weak, then those under leadership will lose faith.  And there is that risk.  But leadership is about risk, sometimes, and it’s far better to admit a mistake and even to admit weakness than to stubbornly cling to an ideal that probably doesn’t exist.  In the case of the faulty leadership I was under, the “I’m the leader, I can’t be wrong” mentality only fostered a huge lack of trust in the leadership.

If a leader admits weakness, it can actually help to create a bond of unity between that leader and those he or she is leading.  If a leader can mess up, admit weakness, apologize, and get back up to try again, that creates a positive example people can follow.  If a leader is just going to be stubborn and pretend to be right all the time, that’s setting up a very different template for those under him or her to follow.  Leaders who act pridefully might just end up with a lot of prideful people underneath them.  They’re just following the leader, after all.

3. Servanthood

As humility went along with grace, servanthood goes along with humility.  The best leaders I’ve seen lead by example.  A leader should never expect one of those under him or her to do something that he or she wouldn’t do.  A leader cannot say, “I’m the leader.  I’m above such and such task,” and then go send someone else to do it. 

Now, delegation of duties is important.  I’m not saying that a leader shouldn’t give a menial or routine task to another person.  This can free the leader up to do something else that might require his or her attention.  But a leader can’t just act like he or she is too good for something that people under him or her are doing. 

I’ve been in churches where some of the ministers would go work in the nursery because there was a shortage of workers.  They were serving in a place that didn’t seem important, but their example was incredible.  By serving others in a simple way, they were blessing parents, other nursery workers, and showing the church that anyone can and should serve wherever needed. 

And in my own preschool classroom, I learned that as a leader, my job was to serve all the children in my class, all of their parents, and my assistant teacher.  My assistant and I had a few communication problems, for which she gave me much grace, but I eventually realized that part of my job was finding ways that I could serve her better.  I could give her clearer directions, ask her if she was comfortable doing the things I gave her to do, be open to suggestions, etc.  I was the lead teacher, but as the leader, my job was mainly to serve.  When I realized that, I think it helped me become a better teacher, and that preschool class was the best I’d had in four years of teaching.

4. Exhortation

Part of a leader’s job is to seek out strengths, as well as recognize weaknesses, in others.  Knowing strengths helps with delegation and teamwork and other matters, but it’s more important than that.  A leader who encourages others shows others that he or she notices them and appreciates them.   A leader who sees special qualities or talents in a person can express appreciation, which usually serves to encourage the person to use his or her special skills all the more.  A leader who sees a weak area can provide the support needed to build a person up.  A leader won’t let anyone else tear others down, either, weaknesses or no.

Sometimes a leader can just get a good sense of things and know what is best for his or her team.  Sometimes a leader needs to actually talk to the people under his or her guidance and get to know them.  Sometimes a leader needs to lovingly struggle through difficult situations with others.  If a leader is willing to get to know people and figure out how best to make them feel appreciated, then those who are following him or her are much more likely to be loyal.  That's going to lead to a better working situation for everyone.

5. Protection

A leader protects those under his or her care, at the cost of his or her own welfare.

A leader stands up for those who aren’t able or willing to stand up for themselves, sometimes at the risk of offending someone and risking his or her own position.

A leader fights for justice for those under his or her care.

A leader makes sure that everyone is heard.

A leader defends those who have been wronged.

Sometimes a leader even puts him or herself in bodily harm for the sake of protecting others.

And in my leadership experience, I certainly haven’t had to put myself at physical risk.  But I have had the opportunity to defend others.  And I’m glad that I can at least say that I did defend them in those opportunities. 

I’ve also been blessed to have others defend me under their leadership.  It’s always encouraging to know that someone has your back, no matter if you succeed or fail.

I am still learning how to be a good leader, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be that leader I’d like to be.  I’m still much more comfortable in following, because following requires so much less responsibility.  The thing about following is that if something goes wrong, there’s usually someone in charge that you can blame the bulk of it on.  It's much harder being the one in charge.

But I’m glad I’ve had the opportunities to see that the struggle of leading others is usually worth it.  The sixteen year old me was wrong.  About the leadership AND the cookies. 

But I really could go for a grace sundae right now.

Peacemaking

Matthew 5:9 NASB

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

When I was a naive kid, I used to read that verse and get excited about how God might want to use me to bring about WORLD PEACE. I used to think that making peace meant staying out of fights or doing whatever I could to stay away from conflict. 

In theory, of course. I have a big sister who is the polar opposite of me. We fought and argued like crazy. And I'm stubborn; sometimes I like to argue or stand my ground just so I can pretend I'm right. So even if my childish ideas of peacemaking ever were at all practical, I wasn't good at putting them into practice anyway.

But my ideas were never reality. The reality is, there won't be peace on this earth as long as there are people living on it. We're sinners. We're selfish. We want our own way. And being a peacemaker is just...well...hard.

It's also not passive. I once believed that avoiding conflict was peacemaking. It can be part of it, but peacemaking involves work, and lots of it. It involves giving of self and time. It involves risk and pain. In fact, peacemaking involves war.

We too easily forget that we are at war, that there are forces of evil working against us all the time. There's terrible injustice in the world. There's corruption. There's compromise. And Satan would like nothing better for us to be passive, to pretend that there's nothing wrong or that there's nothing worth fighting for.

That's not the case.

I don't claim to be a peacemaker or even really know how to be one, but I believe it takes a great amount of discernment, of humility, of personal sacrifice, of endurance. 

It takes discernment to know what things are worth fighting for. It takes discernment to know whether to be silent or to speak, when to embrace and to refrain. Peacemaking involves far more wisdom than anyone can muster up on their own. Peacemakers need to pray for guidance, that their minds and hearts will be open to truth, that God will convict and lead them according to His will. We can't claim we know His will unless we continually seek it, unless we continually seek Him.

Peacemakers MUST have humility, first to admit that they are sinners in need of grace they can never repay. They must be willing to yank the planks out of their own eyes before trying to help pull out another person's speck. They must be willing to overlook minor insults, and deal graciously with more major offenses. They must point others to truth instead of just trying to prove themselves right.  They must be quick to offer apology and restitution for any offenses they caused, whether they are accidental or intentional offenses. They must be willing to, whenever possible, make peace with all men, so far as it depends on them (Romans 12:18).

Peacemakers must be willing to sacrifice. Peacemaking involves time, energy, emotional investments. A person can't hope to make real peace unless that person truly, selflessly cares. Peacemaking often involves confronting others with truth-often truth others don't want to hear.  Peacemaking sometimes means standing by God's truth even when no one else is standing by it. Peacemaking can even involve force when injustice is severe. Peacemakers risk the potential of ridicule, of losing friends for the sake of truth, even of personal harm in some extreme cases. When something is worth fighting for, there often can't be peace without a painful struggle.

And sometimes that struggle doesn't end overnight. Sometimes the struggle goes on for years. Sometimes a peacemaker must pray and wait and pray and hope and pray and hurt and pray for years, with no guarantee that peace will ever come.

I know about a mom who is fighting a very unjust ruling over the custody of her son. Her son is worth fighting for.

I know several people who are compromising or even denying their faith to follow the world and its understanding. Their souls are worth fighting for.

I am burdened for those children, for those men and women who are trapped in slavery, some of them who have never known joy and hope. Their freedom is worth fighting for. They are worth fighting for.

Maybe the true definition of a peacemaker is a person who can't have peace until others have it too...and not the peace that this world gives, but the peace of God.

I used to have this saying. "Love is the only weapon that cannot fall into the wrong hands."  No one ever liked that saying, so I stopped saying it, but I still believe there's truth to it. Love, prayer, truth. These are the weapons we have against satan and all the forces that are trying to steal peace. We aren't fighting flesh and blood.

And I don't know if I'll ever be a true Peacemaker, but I do know I'm a child of God. And I do know that He's giving me a heart like His own, one that breaks for those who have no peace. I can't be passive anymore.

God came down in humility as a baby, lived as a man, died on a cross, and defeated death...all to make peace with a rebellious people.

Peace is costly.

But I believe it's something worth pursuing.

Cheating

I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing so that I can read and reevaluate my writing goals. Of course, I've cheated a little bit. A couple of short story ideas have come to my mind. Though I've tried to rein in my enthusiasm, I have written a little bit on both of these stories.

Last night was one of these times. I only wrote a few paragraphs, but something interesting happened. It's a strange thing that has happened before, but it always takes me by surprise. It always serves to both strengthen me and humble me.

Let me back up a bit before I continue. Let me just go ahead and back up about a decade, give or take a couple years.

When I was about nineteen, I had a crisis of faith. I'd been a Christian for about ten-twelve years; I'm one of those people who isn't sure exactly when I was saved--but I think it was somewhere around the age of seven, even though I wasn't baptized until I was nine. But at nineteen, I wasn't sure what I believed about God anymore. I wasn't sure what I believed about anything anymore. There finally came a point when I shut myself up in my little brother's treehouse (seriously, the only place I could find privacy) and left notes for my family to leave me alone until I was ready to come out. I took with me my Bible, a notebook, a pen, and all my doubts and questions and fears. Then, I did business with God.

I was very honest with God about everything I struggled with. Even with all the blessings in my life, for some reason, I just couldn't find a reason to keep believing in what I had always known to be true. So then I told God, "I don't think I can believe in You anymore."

I was an atheist...

...for about ten minutes.

I sat alone in that treehouse trying to contemplate what this new life of disbelief would mean for me. I discovered it was kind of boring.

So I picked up my notebook and started flipping through it. I'm not even sure why--probably just because it was there and I wanted something to do. My eyes fell upon a poem I had written probably about a week or two prior. I read the words and had the unusual realization that I had not written that poem.

It was in my handwriting. I remembered the occasion when it had been written. I remembered sitting out and watching the sunset and taking the pen into my hand. I remember moving the pen across the paper. But the words of that poem were foreign to me; the words of that poem were beautiful. It was a poem of praise and wonder and simple, pure love.

And I didn't write it.

So I got down on my knees and shed tears of joy for the knowledge that I had a reason to believe. God had not abandoned me as it seemed. Rather, He was trying to teach me something through a dark period of my life by seeming distant. He wasn't really distant. I believed, and my faith became stronger than it had ever been before. God wrote through me.

He still writes through me today.

Let's come back to the present now.

Last night, I only wrote a few paragraphs on a short story. When I looked back over the words that had come out of my pen, I read such truth in them. I knew that I had not written them.

Now, I have been told that writing cannot be a Spiritual Gift because it's not listed as a Spiritual Gift anywhere in Scripture. I'm not sure where I stand on that. I don't know if the Spiritual Gifts listed in Scripture are the only ones that a person can have. I don't want to speculate too much on that, because honestly, I don't think it really matters.

For whether or not my writing is a Spiritual Gift or not, I know for certain that there are times when I'm not the one in control of my writing. It's both humbling and inspiring to know that I'm not the one in control. It means that I can't take credit for it, but it also means that I don't have to worry. If God is in control instead of me, then that takes a huge burden off of me. I can't do anything without Him, but nothing is impossible for Him.

And just as I'm confident that He is writing through me, I'm confident that in His timing, He will bring my writing to completion. He is using me; He is using my writing. He will use me; He will use my writing. I don't know if that means I'll get a literary agent and a huge book contract and have a huge following. I don't know if that means I'll go to a lowscale publisher and just have a few faithful readers.

If one person comes to the knowledge of Christ through my writing, if one person comes to a stronger realization of who Jesus is, if one person gains strength or encouragement or a greater understanding of the truth through what the Lord has written through me...

...it will all be worth it.

Soli Deo Gloria.