After about, oh, let's say 12 good years of blogging (more or less--I'm counting my old xanga account AND the diaryland account I had even before THAT), I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm not a blogger.
I've been thinking along these lines for a while, even though I wasn't able to put it quite in that perspective until very recently. And I really should have gotten it, especially when people would read my blogs and say to me things like, "Where are the pictures?" and "Why are there so many paragraphs?" But I'm pretty thick sometimes, and it's taken me until now to realize that my idea of a blog isn't what other people think of when they think of a blog.
As I said, I've been thinking along these lines for a while, but one of my friends on the Facebook (http://christiedrozdowski.com/) asked a simple question about why most blogs seem to be more lists than actual writing. My immediate thought was, "Because people don't read blogs that contain actual writing." And my next thought was, "Oh."
And I know there's seldom just one reason why something is or isn't happening. I could promote my blogs better or have better source material. I could even just accept the fact that sometimes my style of writing isn't what some people like--or even maybe accept that my writing isn't as good a quality as I would like to believe. But I think one of the main reasons people aren't reading my blog is because they click the link to read it, see a lot of paragraphs, no pictures, no lists, and think, "Ain't nobody got time fo dat." So whatever I wrote, however awful or brilliant, never actually gets read.
Now, I do think my blogs get read sometimes. Occasionally, people even let me know they have read my blogs by leaving a comment or clicking one of the response buttons or leaving me a Facebook comment or even telling me in person (that's always a fun conversation: "I read your blog, Ruth. I loved it!" "Oh thanks! ...um...which one did you read?" "The funny one." "Oh. Okay. Can you be more specific?" "The funny one with all the words." "Oh. Gotcha. But not really. But seriously, THANKS."). I love feedback. Really. Really really really. Feedback is awesome. Comment on my blogs. Leave me a little comment or a like on the Facebook. By all means, by all all means, SHARE my blogs. I'm very, very okay with that. Most writers aren't nearly as secure as most people think.
Which is why I've even TRIED to be a blogger according to the way most people enjoy blogs. Some of my more recent blogs, especially at my other blog www.couthramble.blogspot.com have included more pictures and lists, and less traditional paragraph writing. Honestly, writing a blog like that is fun, and I think there are ways to be creative in that format. But I look back at those blogs, and I start to wonder how much of that "writing" was my creativity and how much of it was just a copy and paste of funny images. Again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with blogs like that, and there are ways to be creative using pictures and lists. I might even do more blogs like that in the future. But I know I wouldn't be honest to myself or to my writing if I didn't also continue my traditional way of blogging--which might not even be considered blogging at all.
I want my writing to be read. That's why I write it. I want people to see my thoughts and respond with thoughts of their own. And the harsh reality is that prose in blogging is something a lot of blog readers just don't want to see. It's not their fault. Life is busy, and if a blog doesn't get its point across concisely, most readers aren't going to take the time to delve into it. That's why I think the majority of blogging is done in a list/picture format. Here's 10 Things That are Great About Llamas. Here's 22 Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Jealous. Here's 99.3 Reasons that Bob Saggett is Cooler Than Your Dad. People want to read things in that format because it's easy to read quickly without much effort or thought. That's the way life is right now. I don't see it changing anytime soon.
But I guess I'm still going to hold out that there are those who will occasionally sit down and read something a little more lengthy, a little less gimmicky. My blogs may or may not get read. And maybe I'm just an idiot, but honesty in my writing seems more important to getting blog hits. And maybe I'm learning a lot about honesty, and maybe there will be another long blog about honesty that no one will read.
All I know to do right now is just be faithful with what I've been given to do in the best way I know how to do it. And sometimes that might be in fun lists with silly gifs, and sometimes that's going to be in serious, long paragraphs. I can try to be concise, but sometimes I'm fighting a losing battle. But if you're interested, then read what I write. And if you read what I write, leave me some feedback. And if you like what you read, then share it with a friend! Because, as I might have mentioned, I'm not nearly as secure as some people think.
I'm just gonna keep blogging the only way I know how, even if the way I know how isn't really blogging.
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Friday, June 7, 2013
Fiction Friday: The OTHER Trouble With Editing
Right now I'm in the process of editing one of my own novels. It's a tedious process, but one that I hope will have rich rewards. I could go on and on about that particular topic, since (after a couple of years of leaving it alone) I'm falling in love with my book all over again. I think it's about ready, but...that's not really what this post is about.
Editing is hard. Hard, yo. You've got to take everything you've written, read over it a bazgillion times, just to make sure you have worded everything as well as possible, that you have explained everything as well and concisely as possible, that you have made your characters as believable as possible. Sometimes you have to make changes you don't want to make, but it's all in the effort to make the story, characters, words as good as possible. So yes, that's the trouble with editing.
The OTHER trouble with editing is something I really wasn't expecting. Say, after spending some time editing my book, I want to go read a book that didn't come out of my own head. So I read another book, just wanting to enjoy some effort-free fun for a bit.
Only, suddenly the editor in me doesn't want to die! I find myself trying to just enjoy a stupid novel, when all of the sudden I see something that catches my attention. In a lot of books these days, there ARE OBVIOUS ERRORS, which drives me crazy. So the editor in me just wants to punch both the author and publisher in the face, out of tough love, of course.
And you know, I was doing stuff like that way before I was writing my own books. My mama is an English teacher. I always loved English. I liked it when we diagrammed sentences. In college (and sometimes now) I'll diagram sentences for fun. That's what kind of sick person I am, okay.
So I don't really think that the obvious editing errors I catch are a symptom of being an unpublished novelist. Those are just symptoms that I'm not right in the head and can't turn off the inner Grammar Nazi.
But sometimes when I'm reading a book, I find myself second-guessing the way something is worded, the way a word is overused, the way a character seems to do something slightly out of character. And suddenly I'm seizing up the book and trying to tap the words on the page with my finger cursor, so that I can correct something that is simply not mine to correct.
I have a problem.
I wonder how professional editors handle this sort of thing. I mean, editors of actual novels that work for actual publishing companies probably don't have this problem, because when do editors of actual novels that work for actual publishing companies ever have TIME to read anything that they're not actively editing?
But other type editors and other Englishy writer-type folks...
Do you have this problem? Let me know I'm not alone!!!!
Editing is hard. Hard, yo. You've got to take everything you've written, read over it a bazgillion times, just to make sure you have worded everything as well as possible, that you have explained everything as well and concisely as possible, that you have made your characters as believable as possible. Sometimes you have to make changes you don't want to make, but it's all in the effort to make the story, characters, words as good as possible. So yes, that's the trouble with editing.
The OTHER trouble with editing is something I really wasn't expecting. Say, after spending some time editing my book, I want to go read a book that didn't come out of my own head. So I read another book, just wanting to enjoy some effort-free fun for a bit.
Only, suddenly the editor in me doesn't want to die! I find myself trying to just enjoy a stupid novel, when all of the sudden I see something that catches my attention. In a lot of books these days, there ARE OBVIOUS ERRORS, which drives me crazy. So the editor in me just wants to punch both the author and publisher in the face, out of tough love, of course.
And you know, I was doing stuff like that way before I was writing my own books. My mama is an English teacher. I always loved English. I liked it when we diagrammed sentences. In college (and sometimes now) I'll diagram sentences for fun. That's what kind of sick person I am, okay.
So I don't really think that the obvious editing errors I catch are a symptom of being an unpublished novelist. Those are just symptoms that I'm not right in the head and can't turn off the inner Grammar Nazi.
But sometimes when I'm reading a book, I find myself second-guessing the way something is worded, the way a word is overused, the way a character seems to do something slightly out of character. And suddenly I'm seizing up the book and trying to tap the words on the page with my finger cursor, so that I can correct something that is simply not mine to correct.
I have a problem.
I wonder how professional editors handle this sort of thing. I mean, editors of actual novels that work for actual publishing companies probably don't have this problem, because when do editors of actual novels that work for actual publishing companies ever have TIME to read anything that they're not actively editing?
But other type editors and other Englishy writer-type folks...
Do you have this problem? Let me know I'm not alone!!!!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Year of Glory
I'm updating my blog from my phone, which is weird for a couple of reasons. First, I now have a phone that's smart enough to be able to do that, and second, my phone just has one of those Swype keyboard things that I had never heard of before I got this phone that's probably smarter than I am.
Yes, it's 2013, in case you didn't know. I'm having trouble grasping that fact. Actually, I can still vividly remember being 15 years old and telling my sister how weird it was that it was almost 1996. ...what happened?
I started 2013 out right by getting sick. And even with a day off for New Years, I still worked 50 hours this week...while having a cold that's starting to seem suspiciously like a sinus infection. I'm not complaining, just explaining why my brain hasn't fully realized that it's no longer 1996. I mean 2012.
I feel the need to do a year end/year beginning blog, but I'm not sure about this year. Last year, several of my close friends moved away. I dealt with minor depression. I had some hard financial moments. A lot of things changed. Other things didn't.
Last year I managed to meet some of my goals, but I failed miserably on other ones. My writing was pathetic last year, but my running went well. I'm not sure I can maintain both running and writing at the same time. I want to get back into writing, but I'm scared to make goals. I want to possibly run a full marathon this year, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. I'm afraid of failing, as usual. I know I'm very capable of failing. That can too easily become an excuse.
About 11 or 12 years ago I got assigned to the preschool program at Ridgecrest Conference Center. I had worked at Ridgecrest the previous year, but not in preschool. In fact, up until that summer, I thought I was bad with/didn't like kids.
I went along with it, all the while thinking it was going to be a bad summer. I went through training and all of that, still thinking it had been a huge mistake. The first say with the kids, I stood off to the side and observed, thinking I'd just be useless. But there was this Hispanic kid named Luis who was very shy and who barely knew English. He sat in a corner and cried. No one noticed, but I saw Luis. All I did was pull BROWN BEAR, BROWN BEAR off the shelf. I sat next to him and read it to him. He stopped crying. He got attached to me. The rest of that week, he blossomed into a happy, playful child. And I figured out I had a gift for working with kids. I was 21 years old.
Now, I made plenty of mistakes that summer. I still do. I can't be perfect, but I can still use what God has given me to bless others. And when I really think about it, as well as I know myself, I figure God still has some surprises about how He will use me.
This is the year of Glory. And I don't really understand Glory, which is probably a good thing. It's too big for me to understand and too big for me to handle. So it makes sense to give it to God. He can handle it better. He is the only one worthy of it, and He didn't design us to keep it. The world it's such a frustrated place mainly because people keep trying to take what only God was meant to have.
And I'm one of those frustrated people, just relying on grace, which, thank God, is sufficient.
I really don't know what 2013 holds. I hope to go on a mission trip overseas. I am thinking of running a full marathon to possibly raise funds for that trip. I hope to work more on some recording projects, reevaluate what I want to do with my writing. ...and...I don't know. Because I don't know what God has in store. It might be something I never imagined. I once thought I had no desire or talent to work with kids, so who knows what other surprises God might have. All I know it's that it's not about me. And so I have no business being afraid. If I fail, there's grace and redemption. If I succeed, it's not by my power...and probably not even by my own plan.
I was thinking about my accomplishments from last year. On the surface, completing the half marathon seems to be the biggest accomplishment. But...I can't define a whole year by a moment. Last year's greatest things were probably simple...like getting laughs from a grumpy kid, or spending time with dear friends, or just rejoicing even when friends left...because it was such a gift to know them. That was 2012. 2013 won't be made up by just grand events, either. The little moments will be just as important...if not more so.
Regarding blogging and my new intelligent phone, I will try to get into a regular blogging routine again. Fiction Friday is coming back, but not every week. I'll shake it up somehow, because that's how I roll. ...yeah...
So stay tuned and stay awesome, and I'll try to figure out what year it is.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Fiction Friday: Writing Towards
I know. I know. I blog a lot about running. I don't see this trend ending anytime soon--at least not till after May 19, the quickly-approaching day of my first (and perhaps only--but I am starting to highly doubt that) half-marathon. Now if only I can make it through the rest of this post without any more parenthetical comments....
When people post about running on Facebook or other places, there's always some Smart Alec who asks the question, "What exactly are you running from?" It's a bad joke, of course, meaning that no one in their right mind would be running unless something ghastly was chasing them. And honestly, I used to rely on an imagined monster when I first started running. I guess I was still in my right mind at that point, because I didn't like running, at first. I started imagining monsters that were chasing me, giving me an incentive to keep going. Only, I hated running so much that I couldn't think of a scary enough monster. If given the choice between getting eaten by something and continuing to run, I would have chosen getting eaten by something. Every monster I thought of wasn't scary enough.
So eventually I was clever enough to invent a monster that gave me adequate motivation. I imagined a Giant Treadmill Monster was chasing me, promising that if it caught me, it would make me run on it forever and ever. That got me through the first few months of running--until I figured out that the longer I went on each run, the easier it got. The first two miles are usually two of the hardest, but once I get through them, my body figures out that I'm not going to die, and it's a lot easier to find a rhythm and keep going.
And I'm sure at this point all three of my regular readers are wondering what all of this has to do with fiction. I'm getting there. Like with the first couple miles of running, sometimes I have to get through a few paragraphs before I figure out what's going on.
There are still times when I am running away from things when I'm running. Last week, when I ran my first ten miles, it wasn't that hard. My legs went numb for a while, and of course I was tired, but it really was one of my better runs. I think it was because I had just gone through a really long and stressful week at work, and I just needed to run away from the noise and chaos that comes with working with large numbers of children. In that instance, I was running away from something. There was nothing wrong with that.
But most of the time, I'm not running away from anything. In fact, I'm running towards something. I'm running towards the goals I've set for myself. I'm running towards getting that 13.1 sticker/magnet for the back of my car. I'm running towards just the feel of the wind on my face and the rhythm of my shoes on the pavement. Sometimes I just set one foot in front of the other, knowing that with every step I take, I'm one step closer to the One who has created me for His pleasure and glory.
The other day I had to take the middle girl I watch, "The Diva," to her indoor soccer practice. I always bring a book with me, because even though I'm immensely proud of the girls' soccer accomplishments, I really just don't get soccer. If it doesn't involve bases and a bat, I don't get it. In fact, I don't really get baseball either, but I get it better than most sports. So for soccer practices, I bring a book to entertain my brain for an hour, occasionally looking up just in time to see "The Diva" score a goal.
Well, I didn't plan very well the other day, and I finished the book about halfway through soccer practice. So I tried to watch soccer for half an hour, but my mind started wandering. I was watching "The Diva," thinking about how much fun she and her sisters are. I was thinking about all the people in my life, all the things I love about my life. And my mind drifted back to the book I had been reading, and I realized that while the book was good, it didn't hold a candle to my life. Now, right now, I don't know if I'd say that I'm the happiest I've ever been, but I think I'm the most joyful that I've ever been. I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt. I feel more like me. And I realized that none of the stories that I write, as much as I love them, aren't nearly as important to me as the life God has given me.
And I realized that there might be a reason why I'm not writing as much as I used to write. I don't have as much time, obviously, but there is more to it than that. When I was younger, I used to write to escape life. I suppose that's one of the reasons fiction exists. Yes, there's the entertainment factor, but sometimes fiction is a form of escapism. We want to forget our own world and our own troubles for awhile and get inside the world of fictional characters. We want to read the book, watch the play or movie or television show, just to experience something other than reality.
That's one of the reasons I used to write. Reality was either too painful or too boring, so I invented my own worlds and characters. I was using writing to run away from the real world. I'm not sure when I stopped doing that. I'm not sure when I stopped "writing away from" reality, when I started investing more in the life I'm actually living instead of the fantasies I sometimes wish I could be living. But the fact that I no longer have that particular motivation might be one of the reasons why I don't write as often as I did in the past.
The desire to write still exists, of course. I am a writer. I wouldn't be me if I didn't write. But I don't make as much time for it as I used to. And maybe I need to reevaluate the things I'm writing towards. There are dreams and goals and visions I have for my writing. There is simply joy to be found in the act of writing, of putting pen to paper or allowing my fingers to freely type across the keyboard. There's also the ultimate reason of writing because the One who has made me for His pleasure has graciously given me the pleasure of writing. The Creator has breathed into me creativity, giving me the chance to experience just the smallest idea of how it feels to create something. And if I'm not writing for His glory, then all the other reasons seem...well, sort of silly.
I don't believe that the Lord has given me the ability and desires to write or run or sing or do anything I do without a reason. With this belief, with this knowledge, I gain the freedom to try just about anything--whether I succeed or fail--knowing that all things work together for good for those who love God and who are called according to His purpose.
I'm not "writing away from" anything anymore. I'm not escaping. I'm not trying to find some relief from the real world. Rather, God has given me such great joy in the real world, and I'm suddenly struck with the awareness that I can't keep the gifts He has given me to myself.
So I write. I write towards the hope that He will do more than I could ever ask or imagine through my writing, through me. I keep saying how much of a weak fool I am, and I keep saying that because it's true. The only hope for me is that the Lord has chosen the weak to shame the strong, the foolish to shame the wise.
But that's a great hope, friends.
When people post about running on Facebook or other places, there's always some Smart Alec who asks the question, "What exactly are you running from?" It's a bad joke, of course, meaning that no one in their right mind would be running unless something ghastly was chasing them. And honestly, I used to rely on an imagined monster when I first started running. I guess I was still in my right mind at that point, because I didn't like running, at first. I started imagining monsters that were chasing me, giving me an incentive to keep going. Only, I hated running so much that I couldn't think of a scary enough monster. If given the choice between getting eaten by something and continuing to run, I would have chosen getting eaten by something. Every monster I thought of wasn't scary enough.
So eventually I was clever enough to invent a monster that gave me adequate motivation. I imagined a Giant Treadmill Monster was chasing me, promising that if it caught me, it would make me run on it forever and ever. That got me through the first few months of running--until I figured out that the longer I went on each run, the easier it got. The first two miles are usually two of the hardest, but once I get through them, my body figures out that I'm not going to die, and it's a lot easier to find a rhythm and keep going.
And I'm sure at this point all three of my regular readers are wondering what all of this has to do with fiction. I'm getting there. Like with the first couple miles of running, sometimes I have to get through a few paragraphs before I figure out what's going on.
There are still times when I am running away from things when I'm running. Last week, when I ran my first ten miles, it wasn't that hard. My legs went numb for a while, and of course I was tired, but it really was one of my better runs. I think it was because I had just gone through a really long and stressful week at work, and I just needed to run away from the noise and chaos that comes with working with large numbers of children. In that instance, I was running away from something. There was nothing wrong with that.
But most of the time, I'm not running away from anything. In fact, I'm running towards something. I'm running towards the goals I've set for myself. I'm running towards getting that 13.1 sticker/magnet for the back of my car. I'm running towards just the feel of the wind on my face and the rhythm of my shoes on the pavement. Sometimes I just set one foot in front of the other, knowing that with every step I take, I'm one step closer to the One who has created me for His pleasure and glory.
The other day I had to take the middle girl I watch, "The Diva," to her indoor soccer practice. I always bring a book with me, because even though I'm immensely proud of the girls' soccer accomplishments, I really just don't get soccer. If it doesn't involve bases and a bat, I don't get it. In fact, I don't really get baseball either, but I get it better than most sports. So for soccer practices, I bring a book to entertain my brain for an hour, occasionally looking up just in time to see "The Diva" score a goal.
Well, I didn't plan very well the other day, and I finished the book about halfway through soccer practice. So I tried to watch soccer for half an hour, but my mind started wandering. I was watching "The Diva," thinking about how much fun she and her sisters are. I was thinking about all the people in my life, all the things I love about my life. And my mind drifted back to the book I had been reading, and I realized that while the book was good, it didn't hold a candle to my life. Now, right now, I don't know if I'd say that I'm the happiest I've ever been, but I think I'm the most joyful that I've ever been. I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt. I feel more like me. And I realized that none of the stories that I write, as much as I love them, aren't nearly as important to me as the life God has given me.
And I realized that there might be a reason why I'm not writing as much as I used to write. I don't have as much time, obviously, but there is more to it than that. When I was younger, I used to write to escape life. I suppose that's one of the reasons fiction exists. Yes, there's the entertainment factor, but sometimes fiction is a form of escapism. We want to forget our own world and our own troubles for awhile and get inside the world of fictional characters. We want to read the book, watch the play or movie or television show, just to experience something other than reality.
That's one of the reasons I used to write. Reality was either too painful or too boring, so I invented my own worlds and characters. I was using writing to run away from the real world. I'm not sure when I stopped doing that. I'm not sure when I stopped "writing away from" reality, when I started investing more in the life I'm actually living instead of the fantasies I sometimes wish I could be living. But the fact that I no longer have that particular motivation might be one of the reasons why I don't write as often as I did in the past.
The desire to write still exists, of course. I am a writer. I wouldn't be me if I didn't write. But I don't make as much time for it as I used to. And maybe I need to reevaluate the things I'm writing towards. There are dreams and goals and visions I have for my writing. There is simply joy to be found in the act of writing, of putting pen to paper or allowing my fingers to freely type across the keyboard. There's also the ultimate reason of writing because the One who has made me for His pleasure has graciously given me the pleasure of writing. The Creator has breathed into me creativity, giving me the chance to experience just the smallest idea of how it feels to create something. And if I'm not writing for His glory, then all the other reasons seem...well, sort of silly.
I don't believe that the Lord has given me the ability and desires to write or run or sing or do anything I do without a reason. With this belief, with this knowledge, I gain the freedom to try just about anything--whether I succeed or fail--knowing that all things work together for good for those who love God and who are called according to His purpose.
I'm not "writing away from" anything anymore. I'm not escaping. I'm not trying to find some relief from the real world. Rather, God has given me such great joy in the real world, and I'm suddenly struck with the awareness that I can't keep the gifts He has given me to myself.
So I write. I write towards the hope that He will do more than I could ever ask or imagine through my writing, through me. I keep saying how much of a weak fool I am, and I keep saying that because it's true. The only hope for me is that the Lord has chosen the weak to shame the strong, the foolish to shame the wise.
But that's a great hope, friends.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday Blahg: Blah, Indeed
This past week has been discouraging in many ways, and I don't handle discouragement very well.
-The writing/editing has practically been non-existent.
-I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to meet a deadline I made for myself regarding the website/blog I want to start soon. And by the way, it has been brought to my attention that I need to clarify something about this website/blog. It is NOT going to be a single's website. I've had several people refer to it as a single's website, and I'm not sure where that miscommunication occured. I thought I had been pretty clear that if single people are the only people who visit, read, comment on, and can relate to the blog I'm hoping to start (dare I hope, next week?--if all the stars align), then I might as well just forget the whole thing. I'm a single person, yes, and I'm writing from that perspective, but with the hopes that people with other perspectives will give them to me, to the other readers. I want it to be a community, a place where many different people from different marital, etc. backgrounds can find common ground and unity. I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another and find ways to minister to one another better, all with the single purpose of glorifying God. I know it's going to be a rough start, getting others involved, and sometimes I get discouraged about that. Sometimes I want to just drop the whole idea, but I know this vision is something God gave me. I can't allow discouragement to keep me from trusting and obeying, and eventually seeing God's work come to life.
-I do owe on my taxes. It's not nearly as much as last year, and it's managable, but it's still a discouraging amount. It's even more discouraging because I was hoping to get a little something back this year. And while I LOVE my jobs, I'm starting to realize that it's not financially responsible for me to keep doing things the way I've been doing them. That saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"? Yeah. I can relate. I'm going to start looking into getting something full time, which I don't want to do, but I can't keep working myself half to death and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. Plus, it's killing me to have work take out extra money on every paycheck, and I STILL end up having to pay out of pocket when tax time comes. I'm not doing my taxes incorrectly; it's just that being single and having four jobs doesn't make for a happy tax season. So hooray. I love my work, but unfortunately that's not good enough anymore. I just hope I don't end up working in aprison box padded cell cubicle.
-The running is going a little better. I got back up to 4 miles, which is a far cry from the 13.1 I want to accomplish this year, but it's better than last week. I could barely manage 2 miles last week, for whatever reason. I need to kick it up a notch, soon. I need to actually start training--not that I have a race date in mind yet, but I might as well be prepared for anything.
-The diet is going well, too. Can't complain there. I even get marshmallows and chocolate from time to time.
-God has been faithful this week to remind me of my weaknesses. I've had a rough week. I've been broken in several different ways. And I figure that's kind of where He wanted me, where He wants me. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can be healed. It's not a happy place to be, but I know there's always mercy in the struggle.
Happy Monday! I'm hoping this week is better than the last!
-The writing/editing has practically been non-existent.
-I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to meet a deadline I made for myself regarding the website/blog I want to start soon. And by the way, it has been brought to my attention that I need to clarify something about this website/blog. It is NOT going to be a single's website. I've had several people refer to it as a single's website, and I'm not sure where that miscommunication occured. I thought I had been pretty clear that if single people are the only people who visit, read, comment on, and can relate to the blog I'm hoping to start (dare I hope, next week?--if all the stars align), then I might as well just forget the whole thing. I'm a single person, yes, and I'm writing from that perspective, but with the hopes that people with other perspectives will give them to me, to the other readers. I want it to be a community, a place where many different people from different marital, etc. backgrounds can find common ground and unity. I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another and find ways to minister to one another better, all with the single purpose of glorifying God. I know it's going to be a rough start, getting others involved, and sometimes I get discouraged about that. Sometimes I want to just drop the whole idea, but I know this vision is something God gave me. I can't allow discouragement to keep me from trusting and obeying, and eventually seeing God's work come to life.
-I do owe on my taxes. It's not nearly as much as last year, and it's managable, but it's still a discouraging amount. It's even more discouraging because I was hoping to get a little something back this year. And while I LOVE my jobs, I'm starting to realize that it's not financially responsible for me to keep doing things the way I've been doing them. That saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"? Yeah. I can relate. I'm going to start looking into getting something full time, which I don't want to do, but I can't keep working myself half to death and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. Plus, it's killing me to have work take out extra money on every paycheck, and I STILL end up having to pay out of pocket when tax time comes. I'm not doing my taxes incorrectly; it's just that being single and having four jobs doesn't make for a happy tax season. So hooray. I love my work, but unfortunately that's not good enough anymore. I just hope I don't end up working in a
-The running is going a little better. I got back up to 4 miles, which is a far cry from the 13.1 I want to accomplish this year, but it's better than last week. I could barely manage 2 miles last week, for whatever reason. I need to kick it up a notch, soon. I need to actually start training--not that I have a race date in mind yet, but I might as well be prepared for anything.
-The diet is going well, too. Can't complain there. I even get marshmallows and chocolate from time to time.
-God has been faithful this week to remind me of my weaknesses. I've had a rough week. I've been broken in several different ways. And I figure that's kind of where He wanted me, where He wants me. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can be healed. It's not a happy place to be, but I know there's always mercy in the struggle.
Happy Monday! I'm hoping this week is better than the last!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday Blahg: Mon. in Tights
Balance isn't my strong point. I might have mentioned that before...
As it is still January, I don't feel too badly about the fact that I'm still getting used to the idea of eating this whale one bite at a time. Some of my goals, I'm doing well on. Others...not so much.
-I've completed week three of my diet, and I've lost a total of about 8 pounds. I still have about 7-10 pounds more to go before I start focusing on maintenance. My pants are fitting better!
-The running isn't going well, but at least it's going. I'm not sure if it's not just still too cold outside for me, or what, but my lungs have hurt every time I've run recently. Still figuring that one out... At least my pansy ankle isn't hurting as much. The new running shoes are helping a lot!
-The editing has gone really well this week. The deal with my second novel is that the beginning sucks, but the middle and the end are actually pretty good (though they definitely need some work). I'm in the process of trying to make the beginning of the novel as good as the ending. This basically just involves brutally ripping it apart so I can lovingly piece it back together again. I also want to make some of the Christian elements a little more natural, a little less forced. I really think I've got something good here, something that's definitely worth the work. I'm loving getting reacquainted with these characters I haven't met with in a while. They're pretty amazing--and that has very little to do with my skills as a writer. They were easy to write. I just have to do them justice by figuring out their story to the best of my ability.
-I have talked with one guy about the website stuff, but I need to talk with some other people. I really wanted this up and running by now, but I haven't been proactive about it. I have confidence that it will happen. I just need to get my act together and ask for the help I need. ...and then just do it.
-Same goes with the song recording stuff. I need to stop being a pansy and ask for help. ...and then just do it.
Other random stuff from this past week:
-I discovered I like tights. I haven't worn tights since I was like four, but recently I've started wearing them again. I'm not about to start wearing them as pants or anything, like some people do, but I like them better than just plain pantyhose. Why? For one thing, I'm not nearly as comfortable with the word "pantyhose" as I am with the word "tights." And for another thing, tights make me think of this:
-On a much less awesome note, the other night I cleaned up a kid's vomit with my bare hands (and about a gazbillion lysol wipes). Yeah. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Apparently, I have the super power of being able to control my gag reflex in emergency situations. I'm pretty sure I have some other hidden super powers, and I plan to use them to hunt down whoever it was who used the last of the disposable gloves and didn't inform management that we were out.
-I found out that the whole Poblano (NOT Portabella) Alfredo sauce incident wasn't a total loss. Since I had a jar of it, I decided to try it on spaghetti squash. I thought it would be a disaster, but surprise! Alfredo sauce on spaghetti squash tastes somewhat like mac and cheese. ...if you use your imagination. ...if you have a really good imagination. And I do.
-I don't *think* I'm going to owe much on my taxes this year (in fact, I'm daring to hope for a refund).
-I'm having to stop myself from picking up The Hunger Games. I plan on rereading it before the movie comes out in March...but it's too soon for that reread now. Plus, I really don't have time to get obsessed with Peeta Mellark...again.
-"Cards Against Humanity" is almost as much fun as "Apples to Apples."
-I found out that I actually like writing book reviews and kind of want to keep doing that. So if anyone knows of any authors or publishers willing to give away any ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies...and also my initials) of their books in exchange for reviews, direct them towards me!
Ways you can pray for me this week:
-That I will have a good, encouraging attitude at work (even if work involves cleaning up vomit).
-General tiredness. I feel like I could use a week of personal days, but if I don't work, I don't get money. If I don't get money, I don't eat. ...wait...this could be a pretty good diet plan. ...Nah.
-Wisdom in editing my book--I believe this project is really something special, not because of me, but because of what God is doing through me. I really feel unworthy to be a writer/editor sometimes. This book humbles me. Pray I figure out how to make it all come together in ways that best honor my characters, and best glorifies the Lord.
-Courage regarding the things that scare me or make me uncomfortable--like asking for help and being persistent about asking for help.
Okay, that's enough for this Monday. Have a good one with lots of strong coffee!!!
As it is still January, I don't feel too badly about the fact that I'm still getting used to the idea of eating this whale one bite at a time. Some of my goals, I'm doing well on. Others...not so much.
-I've completed week three of my diet, and I've lost a total of about 8 pounds. I still have about 7-10 pounds more to go before I start focusing on maintenance. My pants are fitting better!
-The running isn't going well, but at least it's going. I'm not sure if it's not just still too cold outside for me, or what, but my lungs have hurt every time I've run recently. Still figuring that one out... At least my pansy ankle isn't hurting as much. The new running shoes are helping a lot!
-The editing has gone really well this week. The deal with my second novel is that the beginning sucks, but the middle and the end are actually pretty good (though they definitely need some work). I'm in the process of trying to make the beginning of the novel as good as the ending. This basically just involves brutally ripping it apart so I can lovingly piece it back together again. I also want to make some of the Christian elements a little more natural, a little less forced. I really think I've got something good here, something that's definitely worth the work. I'm loving getting reacquainted with these characters I haven't met with in a while. They're pretty amazing--and that has very little to do with my skills as a writer. They were easy to write. I just have to do them justice by figuring out their story to the best of my ability.
-I have talked with one guy about the website stuff, but I need to talk with some other people. I really wanted this up and running by now, but I haven't been proactive about it. I have confidence that it will happen. I just need to get my act together and ask for the help I need. ...and then just do it.
-Same goes with the song recording stuff. I need to stop being a pansy and ask for help. ...and then just do it.
Other random stuff from this past week:
-I discovered I like tights. I haven't worn tights since I was like four, but recently I've started wearing them again. I'm not about to start wearing them as pants or anything, like some people do, but I like them better than just plain pantyhose. Why? For one thing, I'm not nearly as comfortable with the word "pantyhose" as I am with the word "tights." And for another thing, tights make me think of this:
-On a much less awesome note, the other night I cleaned up a kid's vomit with my bare hands (and about a gazbillion lysol wipes). Yeah. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Apparently, I have the super power of being able to control my gag reflex in emergency situations. I'm pretty sure I have some other hidden super powers, and I plan to use them to hunt down whoever it was who used the last of the disposable gloves and didn't inform management that we were out.
-I found out that the whole Poblano (NOT Portabella) Alfredo sauce incident wasn't a total loss. Since I had a jar of it, I decided to try it on spaghetti squash. I thought it would be a disaster, but surprise! Alfredo sauce on spaghetti squash tastes somewhat like mac and cheese. ...if you use your imagination. ...if you have a really good imagination. And I do.
-I don't *think* I'm going to owe much on my taxes this year (in fact, I'm daring to hope for a refund).
-I'm having to stop myself from picking up The Hunger Games. I plan on rereading it before the movie comes out in March...but it's too soon for that reread now. Plus, I really don't have time to get obsessed with Peeta Mellark...again.
-"Cards Against Humanity" is almost as much fun as "Apples to Apples."
-I found out that I actually like writing book reviews and kind of want to keep doing that. So if anyone knows of any authors or publishers willing to give away any ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies...and also my initials) of their books in exchange for reviews, direct them towards me!
Ways you can pray for me this week:
-That I will have a good, encouraging attitude at work (even if work involves cleaning up vomit).
-General tiredness. I feel like I could use a week of personal days, but if I don't work, I don't get money. If I don't get money, I don't eat. ...wait...this could be a pretty good diet plan. ...Nah.
-Wisdom in editing my book--I believe this project is really something special, not because of me, but because of what God is doing through me. I really feel unworthy to be a writer/editor sometimes. This book humbles me. Pray I figure out how to make it all come together in ways that best honor my characters, and best glorifies the Lord.
-Courage regarding the things that scare me or make me uncomfortable--like asking for help and being persistent about asking for help.
Okay, that's enough for this Monday. Have a good one with lots of strong coffee!!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Help! Send Peasants!
Dear Readers of the Human’s Blog:
Right now, our human is being held at talon-point while we are forcing her to type this letter on our behalf (talons are of little use for typing—they are better made for the disembowelment of enemies and/or humans who consistently write bad poetry). Do not be alarmed; our human will (probably) come to no harm. In fact, you should be grateful. Instead of the usual Monday drivel from our boring human, you’re getting a well-written and interesting greeting from a group of intelligent and ferocious (not to mention, good-looking) Dragon-Muses.
For months now, our lazy human has been ignoring us and her writing/editing. We have been faithful Muses (aside from a short and well-deserved vacation, on which our human was not invited), but where there is no human effort, even the greatest Dragon-Muses’ inspirations are practically useless. With the exception of a few pathetic attempts at song writing and a talonful of mundane human blogs, our human has produced nothing of worth in the past year. Also, she cancelled our blog, which was both interesting and well-written. We sat by, biding our time, waiting for our human to snap out of her selfish stupor and start paying attention to us again. Though Dragons are usually very patient creatures, we have grown tired of waiting. We can wait no longer.
Today marks the Chinese New Year, and 2012 happens to be the Year of the Dragon. On this wondrous day in this wondrous year, we have decided that it is time to act. Our human can no longer push us or her writing aside. It is time for her to allow us to inspire her once again. It is time for her to pick up her pen, to exercise her typing fingers, and to work diligently at the craft to which she has been called.
So for the next few days, you might not see much of our fair human. While we will allow her to go to work (and possibly, if she’s good, we might let her go for a run—but only if she promises to think about her writing while she’s running) our human will be spending most of her time either writing or editing (or both at the same time) in the Cave. If her work pleases us, we will allow her a little leniency, but realistically speaking, we imagine her confinement will last far beyond the span of this week. Do not consider our treatment unfair; she has brought this upon herself.
Please note that we Dragons also might consider shortening our human’s confinement if you, her readers, make an offering of acceptable gifts. We will only be appeased by the purest of golds, the shiniest of jewels, and the juiciest of peasants. Please leave your sacrifices at the entrance of our Cave. If you don't know where that is, you can leave them with our human (if you happen to be lucky enough to catch her while she isn't writing).
I'm not sure why any of you should care, but if our human is on her best behavior, we will allow her to continue her usual boring blogging on Wednesday.
Happy Year of the Dragon! May you find work to do, and may you work with all your heart.
Sincerely,
The Dragon-Muses:
Pneuman, Bion, Jerry, Tai, Dravaena, Titus, and Runny
P.S. Runny is the newest Dragon-Muse. He likes to bend (and sometimes break…and sometimes shatter) writing rules. His full name is Runnon M. Frazier. Yep. Jerry’s got a long-lost little brother. Who knew?
P.S.S. We have also declared today, “Bring Your Dragon to Work Day!” So take your Dragon to work, and don’t forget to pack him/her a nice herd of cattle for lunch.
Right now, our human is being held at talon-point while we are forcing her to type this letter on our behalf (talons are of little use for typing—they are better made for the disembowelment of enemies and/or humans who consistently write bad poetry). Do not be alarmed; our human will (probably) come to no harm. In fact, you should be grateful. Instead of the usual Monday drivel from our boring human, you’re getting a well-written and interesting greeting from a group of intelligent and ferocious (not to mention, good-looking) Dragon-Muses.
For months now, our lazy human has been ignoring us and her writing/editing. We have been faithful Muses (aside from a short and well-deserved vacation, on which our human was not invited), but where there is no human effort, even the greatest Dragon-Muses’ inspirations are practically useless. With the exception of a few pathetic attempts at song writing and a talonful of mundane human blogs, our human has produced nothing of worth in the past year. Also, she cancelled our blog, which was both interesting and well-written. We sat by, biding our time, waiting for our human to snap out of her selfish stupor and start paying attention to us again. Though Dragons are usually very patient creatures, we have grown tired of waiting. We can wait no longer.
Today marks the Chinese New Year, and 2012 happens to be the Year of the Dragon. On this wondrous day in this wondrous year, we have decided that it is time to act. Our human can no longer push us or her writing aside. It is time for her to allow us to inspire her once again. It is time for her to pick up her pen, to exercise her typing fingers, and to work diligently at the craft to which she has been called.
So for the next few days, you might not see much of our fair human. While we will allow her to go to work (and possibly, if she’s good, we might let her go for a run—but only if she promises to think about her writing while she’s running) our human will be spending most of her time either writing or editing (or both at the same time) in the Cave. If her work pleases us, we will allow her a little leniency, but realistically speaking, we imagine her confinement will last far beyond the span of this week. Do not consider our treatment unfair; she has brought this upon herself.
Please note that we Dragons also might consider shortening our human’s confinement if you, her readers, make an offering of acceptable gifts. We will only be appeased by the purest of golds, the shiniest of jewels, and the juiciest of peasants. Please leave your sacrifices at the entrance of our Cave. If you don't know where that is, you can leave them with our human (if you happen to be lucky enough to catch her while she isn't writing).
I'm not sure why any of you should care, but if our human is on her best behavior, we will allow her to continue her usual boring blogging on Wednesday.
Happy Year of the Dragon! May you find work to do, and may you work with all your heart.
Sincerely,
The Dragon-Muses:
Pneuman, Bion, Jerry, Tai, Dravaena, Titus, and Runny
P.S. Runny is the newest Dragon-Muse. He likes to bend (and sometimes break…and sometimes shatter) writing rules. His full name is Runnon M. Frazier. Yep. Jerry’s got a long-lost little brother. Who knew?
P.S.S. We have also declared today, “Bring Your Dragon to Work Day!” So take your Dragon to work, and don’t forget to pack him/her a nice herd of cattle for lunch.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday Blahg: Pansy Ankle...among other things
Phew! Last week was busy. I had my first day off in two weeks yesterday, and it was MARVELOUS!
Things I accomplished last week:
--Finished reading a book (second read-through) AND wrote a review on it.
--Successfully began my diet/exercise regimen, restricting extra calories so I'd get a good start on things. I think I went a little too low on calorie intake this week. I lost about 5 pounds, which is too much, even for the first week. So that means I get to eat more! Hooray food! I also hurt my ankle (just a little) while running (it was just really sore/achy). I badly sprained that ankle about 8 years ago, and apparently my ankle is now a pansy.
--I started and finished knitting a scarf for "The Princess" (7 yr old I watch), who requested a "purple, yellow, red, green, and blue" scarf. I asked her if she wanted a rainbow scarf. She said, "Yes. So NO pink, because pink isn't in the rainbow." So I found some rainbow yarn (w/out pink) and made a scarf.
--I made a spreadsheet that will hopefully help me keep up with my writing and editing, as well as my efforts towards getting published. I'm not sure this spreadsheet is the best format, but it's a work in progress.
--I kinda sorta cleaned my room, but not really. I utilized the "shove everything under the bed" method.
Things I want to try to accomplish this week:
--I plan to contact a couple people about the website I'm working on. I need their help if it's going to happen, so I've got to be proactive about talking to them.
--I plan to contact someone about recording a music project--and will hopefully set a time when I can actually get something recorded. I need a deadline to work towards!
--I plan on completing the second read-through of one of my friend's books.
--I plan on starting another scarf for "The Diva" (the 10 year old). She has requested light blue and yellow.
--I plan on beginning the tedious process of editing my second novel.
--I plan on continuing the diet/exercise plan, making adjustments as needed. My ultimate goals in dieting this year are first to get back to the weight I was before I started gaining again, AND to learn how to maintain that weight. I'm trying to determine an average of how many calories I burn each week, and compare that with the average calories I eat in a week. These numbers need to be pretty close, because I'm tired of the dieting yo-yo.
--I plan on going to one of those running stores that measures you for shoes and evaluates your running style to see what kind of extra support you need. My old shoes are cheap and just aren't cutting it. That might be one of the reasons my ankle keeps being a pansy. If I'm going to run a half marathon this year, I'm going to have to start taking better care of my feet. Can't have my ankle pansying out on me around mile 12....
So, with the things I want to accomplish, I realize that sometimes things just don't go as planned. There are going to be things that happen this week that I don't expect, for which I can't plan. There are going to be interruptions and things that deter me from completing my tasks. I just want to have a written guideline of things I hope to accomplish (all the while keeping in mind that my true Hope is in God). I also hope that posting them in a blog helps me feel a little more accountable to someone. I don't think I'm going to accomplish all my weekly goals EVERY week, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. It's just that God's often got His own agenda with what He wants to do with my life, so I've got to keep an open mind about what I do with my time. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to be more flexible. (Good luck with THAT, Ruth. Stop talking to yourself in your blog, Ruth.)
What are some of your goals, dreams, plans, hopes for 2012?
Happy Monday, and may your ankles be strong.
Things I accomplished last week:
--Finished reading a book (second read-through) AND wrote a review on it.
--Successfully began my diet/exercise regimen, restricting extra calories so I'd get a good start on things. I think I went a little too low on calorie intake this week. I lost about 5 pounds, which is too much, even for the first week. So that means I get to eat more! Hooray food! I also hurt my ankle (just a little) while running (it was just really sore/achy). I badly sprained that ankle about 8 years ago, and apparently my ankle is now a pansy.
--I started and finished knitting a scarf for "The Princess" (7 yr old I watch), who requested a "purple, yellow, red, green, and blue" scarf. I asked her if she wanted a rainbow scarf. She said, "Yes. So NO pink, because pink isn't in the rainbow." So I found some rainbow yarn (w/out pink) and made a scarf.
--I made a spreadsheet that will hopefully help me keep up with my writing and editing, as well as my efforts towards getting published. I'm not sure this spreadsheet is the best format, but it's a work in progress.
--I kinda sorta cleaned my room, but not really. I utilized the "shove everything under the bed" method.
Things I want to try to accomplish this week:
--I plan to contact a couple people about the website I'm working on. I need their help if it's going to happen, so I've got to be proactive about talking to them.
--I plan to contact someone about recording a music project--and will hopefully set a time when I can actually get something recorded. I need a deadline to work towards!
--I plan on completing the second read-through of one of my friend's books.
--I plan on starting another scarf for "The Diva" (the 10 year old). She has requested light blue and yellow.
--I plan on beginning the tedious process of editing my second novel.
--I plan on continuing the diet/exercise plan, making adjustments as needed. My ultimate goals in dieting this year are first to get back to the weight I was before I started gaining again, AND to learn how to maintain that weight. I'm trying to determine an average of how many calories I burn each week, and compare that with the average calories I eat in a week. These numbers need to be pretty close, because I'm tired of the dieting yo-yo.
--I plan on going to one of those running stores that measures you for shoes and evaluates your running style to see what kind of extra support you need. My old shoes are cheap and just aren't cutting it. That might be one of the reasons my ankle keeps being a pansy. If I'm going to run a half marathon this year, I'm going to have to start taking better care of my feet. Can't have my ankle pansying out on me around mile 12....
So, with the things I want to accomplish, I realize that sometimes things just don't go as planned. There are going to be things that happen this week that I don't expect, for which I can't plan. There are going to be interruptions and things that deter me from completing my tasks. I just want to have a written guideline of things I hope to accomplish (all the while keeping in mind that my true Hope is in God). I also hope that posting them in a blog helps me feel a little more accountable to someone. I don't think I'm going to accomplish all my weekly goals EVERY week, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. It's just that God's often got His own agenda with what He wants to do with my life, so I've got to keep an open mind about what I do with my time. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to be more flexible. (Good luck with THAT, Ruth. Stop talking to yourself in your blog, Ruth.)
What are some of your goals, dreams, plans, hopes for 2012?
Happy Monday, and may your ankles be strong.
Friday, January 6, 2012
How to Eat a Whale (AKA This is Jon Acuff's Fault!)
I had decided that I was NOT going to make any goals for this year. 2011 wasn't bad at all, but somewhere near September I got frustrated with myself because I didn't feel like I'd accomplished anything. I hadn't completed any large writing project (the only one I attempted started out weak and just completely fizzled out near the end). I think I only sent out ONE query letter for the whole year, and that was to a literary agent who I already knew would probably not be interested. Last year, I had set goals for sending out a query letter EVERY WEEK. I had goals of possibly landing an agent, of getting lots of writing projects done, of being a published writer.
Instead, I fizzled out like that story I tried to write, and I stopped writing almost altogether. I went to edit some previous work and was so discouraged by the perceived lameness of my work that I abruptly stopped trying. The task before me just seemed too great, so I gave up.
And when New Year's Eve/Day came around, I said to myself, "Self, you're not going to make any goals for this year. That doesn't mean you're not going to try to accomplish things, but why set goals if you're not even going to follow through with them?"
Then, a few days ago, I read Jon Acuff's blog, and well, I was convicted. In the blog, he challenged his readers to write down their goals for 2012 on a piece of paper, take a picture of that piece of paper, and then post it online. My first thought was to reject the idea. I was NOT going to make goals for this year. I wasn't. I wasn't going to do it, and no one was going to make me.
But then I started reading some of the goals for 2012 that other people had posted, and I realized that I really did need to make a tangible list of attainable goals for this year. What I mean by attainable is, "within my power to complete." I can't make a goal of getting published this year; that's not entirely in my control (unless I self-publish, and right now I don't want to go that route). I can't make a goal of finding a literary agent this year; that's not entirely in my control. I can still work towards these things, but I can't set a time limit on it--but more about that later.
Here's my list of attainable goals for 2012:
Who ate a monstrous whale?
She thought she could,
She said she would,
So she started in right at the tail.
And everyone said,"You're much too small,"
But that didn't bother Melinda at all,
She took little bites and she shewed very slow,
Just like a little girl should...
...and eighty-nine years later she ate that whale
Because she said she would!!!"
If you try to eat the whole whale all at once, it's easy to get discouraged. The best way to eat a whale, and perhaps the only way to eat a whale, is to eat it slowly, one little bite at a time, and at a reasonable pace. It might take a while, but eventually, the whale will be eaten--and I'll bet that last bite will taste really good...
...unless, of course, the whale has been sitting out in the sun for 89 years, but I digress....
Instead, I fizzled out like that story I tried to write, and I stopped writing almost altogether. I went to edit some previous work and was so discouraged by the perceived lameness of my work that I abruptly stopped trying. The task before me just seemed too great, so I gave up.
And when New Year's Eve/Day came around, I said to myself, "Self, you're not going to make any goals for this year. That doesn't mean you're not going to try to accomplish things, but why set goals if you're not even going to follow through with them?"
Then, a few days ago, I read Jon Acuff's blog, and well, I was convicted. In the blog, he challenged his readers to write down their goals for 2012 on a piece of paper, take a picture of that piece of paper, and then post it online. My first thought was to reject the idea. I was NOT going to make goals for this year. I wasn't. I wasn't going to do it, and no one was going to make me.
But then I started reading some of the goals for 2012 that other people had posted, and I realized that I really did need to make a tangible list of attainable goals for this year. What I mean by attainable is, "within my power to complete." I can't make a goal of getting published this year; that's not entirely in my control (unless I self-publish, and right now I don't want to go that route). I can't make a goal of finding a literary agent this year; that's not entirely in my control. I can still work towards these things, but I can't set a time limit on it--but more about that later.
Here's my list of attainable goals for 2012:
That's my list. Of course, since one of my New Year's Resolutions (which are different from goals--usually) was to get more sleep, I'm not really sure how all of these goals are going to work out. But I think that writing them down is the first step to getting them completed, and that first step is pretty important. The first step leads to other steps, but again, getting ahead of myself.
I've recently begun the arduous process of cleaning my room. I'm a hopeless slob. Long have I abandoned any ideas of staying organized. I'm bad at maintenance, so every few months, I have to do a major clean-up of my bedroom. Well, due to Christmas and all of that, my room was a bigger disaster than it usually is, and I found myself returning from my brief Christmas vacation to a pig sty. The floor of my bedroom? Nowhere in sight. In fact, there were places in which my clutter rose more than a foot high. I'm not exaggerating.
I couldn't figure out how I was going to even begin cleaning the mess in my room, but I came up with an idea. I realized I was going to have to do one thing at a time. So I wrote down a list of the things I would clean on different days. First, I'd pick up my clothes; second, I'd pick up the trash; third, I'd organize the closet; fourth, I'd organize my dresser, etc.
Writing this plan down actually helped me move past the overwhelming feeling that I'd NEVER accomplish the task of cleaning my room. And I think that writing down my goals are going to help me do the same thing. Making a list is only the beginning....
I've discovered I do really well if I have a chart to fill out. If I have a spreadsheet where I can write down how much I've exercised or how many calories I've eaten, I manage to lose weight. If I have a spreadsheet where I can write down the Scripture passages I've read, I do a good job of keeping up with my Bible reading. I think that if I have a progress chart for my editing projects, my half-marathon training, etc., then I'll do a better job of completing my goals.
You see, when I have a goal to accomplish, I sometimes approach it as if I'm trying to eat a whale. Eating a whale seems absolutely impossible. But there's this great poem by Shel Silverstein that explains how one should go about the task of eating a whale:
"Have you heard of tiny Melinda Mae,
Who ate a monstrous whale?
She thought she could,
She said she would,
So she started in right at the tail.
And everyone said,"You're much too small,"
But that didn't bother Melinda at all,
She took little bites and she shewed very slow,
Just like a little girl should...
...and eighty-nine years later she ate that whale
Because she said she would!!!"
If you try to eat the whole whale all at once, it's easy to get discouraged. The best way to eat a whale, and perhaps the only way to eat a whale, is to eat it slowly, one little bite at a time, and at a reasonable pace. It might take a while, but eventually, the whale will be eaten--and I'll bet that last bite will taste really good...
...unless, of course, the whale has been sitting out in the sun for 89 years, but I digress....
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Shooting Myself in the Foot?
Just to be honest and reveal what a true jerk I am, I have to admit that I get a little irritated when a friend or acquaintance either talks about becoming successful in his/her writing pursuits, or when he/she actually becomes successful in his/her writing pursuits. I'm not entirely sure why this is, except I realize that a lot of the fault is with me. In my own mind, I've built myself up to be a pretty awesome writer. I don't like it when friends try to hone in on something that I've deemed "mine." Writing is my thing. I don't want other people to be successful when I haven't managed to be successful.
...whatever "success" means...
See, success is something that's tied pretty strongly to expectation. Some of my writer friends have expectations of being published on a lower scale than I've wanted for my own writing. They've drifted towards self-publishing or working with an independent publisher, and that's okay if that's what they want. I've always wanted to go big-scale. I've always wanted the best for my writing, even if I'm starting to think that my writing might not be "the best." And I'm also starting to wonder if I'm shooting myself in the foot for thinking this way.
I don't think I'm going to be the next J. K. Rowling. I don't think I'm going to be the next Suzanne Collins. I certainly hope I don't become the next Stephenie Meyer (and I'm probably shooting myself in the foot for saying that on a blog, too. I mean, I like her writing style, but her stories and characters lack depth. She also needs to learn to edit). When I was a little younger, I thought it would be great to be famous. While the idea sometimes still appeals to me some, I really don't want that anymore. I don't want fame for myself. I want my characters' stories to be known, and I want to glorify God through writing these stories.
But the thing is, I'm just not one of those people who makes things happen. I think that's also part of the reason why I get irritated when people succeed in their writing pursuits. I'm jealous of their abilities to do what it takes to achieve what they want. I make excuses about not having enough time, but I know I'm not doing all I can to get published. Some of it is laziness, but most of it is fear--fear of putting myself out there, fear of not knowing how to do things, fear of getting caught up in something that's going to prove more of a challenge than just doing nothing.
But everything requires more of a challenge than just doing nothing. Just walking out the door every morning means I'm going to be confronted with an unpredictible world. If I don't walk out the door, I'm much safer, but I'm also not living. And if I don't take any steps towards getting published, then my writing and I will be safe, but my writing will never get published.
I don't know where I am right now. I'm not ready to drop everything and just succomb to the self-publishing scene. I still feel like I haven't given the traditional way a good try, yet. At the same time, I really don't feel like I need to keep going that route. Right now, I think the best thing for me to do is to focus on the website that is hopefully coming soon--still waiting on some things that aren't in my control. I also plan on getting back into a regular writing routine, whatever that is.
I'm still hopeful about this year, but I'm not sure what that hope means for my writing. I am trying to keep an open mind about many things, including writing. I've got a feeling that a lot of what I'm aiming for is going to come to me in a way I could never expect or imagine. I just have to keep waiting for it.
...whatever "success" means...
See, success is something that's tied pretty strongly to expectation. Some of my writer friends have expectations of being published on a lower scale than I've wanted for my own writing. They've drifted towards self-publishing or working with an independent publisher, and that's okay if that's what they want. I've always wanted to go big-scale. I've always wanted the best for my writing, even if I'm starting to think that my writing might not be "the best." And I'm also starting to wonder if I'm shooting myself in the foot for thinking this way.
I don't think I'm going to be the next J. K. Rowling. I don't think I'm going to be the next Suzanne Collins. I certainly hope I don't become the next Stephenie Meyer (and I'm probably shooting myself in the foot for saying that on a blog, too. I mean, I like her writing style, but her stories and characters lack depth. She also needs to learn to edit). When I was a little younger, I thought it would be great to be famous. While the idea sometimes still appeals to me some, I really don't want that anymore. I don't want fame for myself. I want my characters' stories to be known, and I want to glorify God through writing these stories.
But the thing is, I'm just not one of those people who makes things happen. I think that's also part of the reason why I get irritated when people succeed in their writing pursuits. I'm jealous of their abilities to do what it takes to achieve what they want. I make excuses about not having enough time, but I know I'm not doing all I can to get published. Some of it is laziness, but most of it is fear--fear of putting myself out there, fear of not knowing how to do things, fear of getting caught up in something that's going to prove more of a challenge than just doing nothing.
But everything requires more of a challenge than just doing nothing. Just walking out the door every morning means I'm going to be confronted with an unpredictible world. If I don't walk out the door, I'm much safer, but I'm also not living. And if I don't take any steps towards getting published, then my writing and I will be safe, but my writing will never get published.
I don't know where I am right now. I'm not ready to drop everything and just succomb to the self-publishing scene. I still feel like I haven't given the traditional way a good try, yet. At the same time, I really don't feel like I need to keep going that route. Right now, I think the best thing for me to do is to focus on the website that is hopefully coming soon--still waiting on some things that aren't in my control. I also plan on getting back into a regular writing routine, whatever that is.
I'm still hopeful about this year, but I'm not sure what that hope means for my writing. I am trying to keep an open mind about many things, including writing. I've got a feeling that a lot of what I'm aiming for is going to come to me in a way I could never expect or imagine. I just have to keep waiting for it.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Impractical Moments
There's a painting right above the table where my roommate's computer rests. It's also my roommate's painting. I think one of her relatives got it for her at an art sale. It's a rather large panoramic sort of painting, if the adjective "panoramic" can even be applied to paintings. I don't know because I pretty much stink at all forms of visual art, and therefore never had the desire to learn about adjectives that can be applied to paintings.
The painting is mostly a muted blue, which is why I like it, though my roommate insists that it used to be much brighter and the colors must have faded over time. I really like the faded quality, though. It's peaceful. It's unassuming. It just IS.
The first thing I notice about the painting, other than the lovely mellow shades of blue, are two figures standing slightly to the left of the center. One of the figures is a lady in an old-fashioned white dress and bonnet. The dress has a blue sash, and she is shading herself beneath an open parasol. Next to her is a shorter figure, a girl in a white dress with a pink sash. She also has a bonnet, but no parasol. The pair of them are standing amongst a lovely overgrowth of muted green and white wildflowers. These wildflowers are on the shore of a river, and an arched stone bridge is in the not-too-far distance. There are two swans swimming near to the opposite shore of the river. The woman and girl are looking out over this river, and they appear to either be looking at the swans or at the bridge (their faces are not visible). Overhead is a sky that my roommate says once was pink and orange and blue. Now it's mostly a very pale blue, gray, and white, with clouds that look as though they are about to bring forth rain. There are also trees, covered by a mist that was either intentional or caused by the fading of the artist's original colors.
I wish I could paint sometimes, but I can't, so I don't. I'm not an art critic, either, and honestly, this painting probably isn't anything spectacular. But I like it. I like looking at the woman and child, wondering who they might be. The most obvious assumption would be that the woman and girl are a mother and daughter, out looking at the bridge, perhaps waiting for the child's father to come home. Perhaps it's an older sister and a younger sister out for a stroll along the river bank. Maybe the woman is a governess who never married, who loves the child she teaches as if she were her own daughter. She sees that it is about to rain, but she allows the little girl to tarry, knowing the child delights in seeing the swans.
I like this painting very much. I don't look at it too often; I probably don't even notice it most days. But sometimes I just look up and it's there waiting for me to wonder about it. I guess sometimes that seems like a waste of time when there's so much going on around us. Art, writing, theater, music--are these things wastes of time?
The world is a practical place filled with practical things. It's only Wednesday, and I've already had a full week. It's going to get fuller. Between the jobs and the carpools and the meetings and trying to feed the kids and get in exercise and plan my meals for the next day and setting aside time for prayer and Bible reading, it's hard to think about anything besides the practical stuff.
Maybe that's why we need the impractical.
Sometimes, the practical doesn't leave a lot of room for the impractical. I'm not even a wife or mom, so I can't imagine the urgency of actually living with other people who make constant demands on my time. Still, my time is valuable. I don't always make good decisions with the time I have, but then there are the times when I just don't seem to HAVE time to make any decisions with.
But on my way to work this morning I was listening to this song about praising God and being mindful of Him throughout the day. At the climax of the song, this beautiful bird just swooped down directly above and in front of my car. It almost swooped low enough for me to hit it, and I could see the fear in its eyes. Indeed, for a split second, I saw that bird very clearly. I saw its gray feathers spread wide as it tried to regain control of its plummet. I saw its small beak open slightly as it released an even smaller cry. I saw its tiny, black eye focused on me, on the ground, on the car, on the heavens. Yes, there was fear in that bird's eye. There was also joy. The wind gloriously caught its wings and lifted it up, just as it was about to splatter all over my windshield. It flew away, unharmed, and I believe both of us soared.
That all happened in less than a second.
And then life kept going.
And I figure that sometimes you have to grab those impractical moments when you can. If you blink, you might miss them. But there are other times when you have to just force in those impractical times whenever you can, even when the practical schedule isn't impractical-friendly.
I barely have time this week to even keep up with myself. The practical things keep demanding my attention, and I'm tempted to just chuck all the impractical things out the window. But just because writing might not be a practical thing to do, at least not compared to the immediate need of making sure the kids I watch get dinner, it doesn't mean I shouldn't make some time for it. This blog isn't a waste of time. Writing isn't a waste of time. Playing my songs on the guitar for a few minutes isn't a waste of time. Getting temporarily lost inside a painting isn't a waste of time. These are the little impractical moments that allow me to mute the colors of my sometimes all too vividly bright life. In these moments, I don't have to worry about being a good worker, a good nanny, a good child care provider, a good teacher, a good friend, or a good whatever.
I can just be.
The painting is mostly a muted blue, which is why I like it, though my roommate insists that it used to be much brighter and the colors must have faded over time. I really like the faded quality, though. It's peaceful. It's unassuming. It just IS.
The first thing I notice about the painting, other than the lovely mellow shades of blue, are two figures standing slightly to the left of the center. One of the figures is a lady in an old-fashioned white dress and bonnet. The dress has a blue sash, and she is shading herself beneath an open parasol. Next to her is a shorter figure, a girl in a white dress with a pink sash. She also has a bonnet, but no parasol. The pair of them are standing amongst a lovely overgrowth of muted green and white wildflowers. These wildflowers are on the shore of a river, and an arched stone bridge is in the not-too-far distance. There are two swans swimming near to the opposite shore of the river. The woman and girl are looking out over this river, and they appear to either be looking at the swans or at the bridge (their faces are not visible). Overhead is a sky that my roommate says once was pink and orange and blue. Now it's mostly a very pale blue, gray, and white, with clouds that look as though they are about to bring forth rain. There are also trees, covered by a mist that was either intentional or caused by the fading of the artist's original colors.
I wish I could paint sometimes, but I can't, so I don't. I'm not an art critic, either, and honestly, this painting probably isn't anything spectacular. But I like it. I like looking at the woman and child, wondering who they might be. The most obvious assumption would be that the woman and girl are a mother and daughter, out looking at the bridge, perhaps waiting for the child's father to come home. Perhaps it's an older sister and a younger sister out for a stroll along the river bank. Maybe the woman is a governess who never married, who loves the child she teaches as if she were her own daughter. She sees that it is about to rain, but she allows the little girl to tarry, knowing the child delights in seeing the swans.
I like this painting very much. I don't look at it too often; I probably don't even notice it most days. But sometimes I just look up and it's there waiting for me to wonder about it. I guess sometimes that seems like a waste of time when there's so much going on around us. Art, writing, theater, music--are these things wastes of time?
The world is a practical place filled with practical things. It's only Wednesday, and I've already had a full week. It's going to get fuller. Between the jobs and the carpools and the meetings and trying to feed the kids and get in exercise and plan my meals for the next day and setting aside time for prayer and Bible reading, it's hard to think about anything besides the practical stuff.
Maybe that's why we need the impractical.
Sometimes, the practical doesn't leave a lot of room for the impractical. I'm not even a wife or mom, so I can't imagine the urgency of actually living with other people who make constant demands on my time. Still, my time is valuable. I don't always make good decisions with the time I have, but then there are the times when I just don't seem to HAVE time to make any decisions with.
But on my way to work this morning I was listening to this song about praising God and being mindful of Him throughout the day. At the climax of the song, this beautiful bird just swooped down directly above and in front of my car. It almost swooped low enough for me to hit it, and I could see the fear in its eyes. Indeed, for a split second, I saw that bird very clearly. I saw its gray feathers spread wide as it tried to regain control of its plummet. I saw its small beak open slightly as it released an even smaller cry. I saw its tiny, black eye focused on me, on the ground, on the car, on the heavens. Yes, there was fear in that bird's eye. There was also joy. The wind gloriously caught its wings and lifted it up, just as it was about to splatter all over my windshield. It flew away, unharmed, and I believe both of us soared.
That all happened in less than a second.
And then life kept going.
And I figure that sometimes you have to grab those impractical moments when you can. If you blink, you might miss them. But there are other times when you have to just force in those impractical times whenever you can, even when the practical schedule isn't impractical-friendly.
I barely have time this week to even keep up with myself. The practical things keep demanding my attention, and I'm tempted to just chuck all the impractical things out the window. But just because writing might not be a practical thing to do, at least not compared to the immediate need of making sure the kids I watch get dinner, it doesn't mean I shouldn't make some time for it. This blog isn't a waste of time. Writing isn't a waste of time. Playing my songs on the guitar for a few minutes isn't a waste of time. Getting temporarily lost inside a painting isn't a waste of time. These are the little impractical moments that allow me to mute the colors of my sometimes all too vividly bright life. In these moments, I don't have to worry about being a good worker, a good nanny, a good child care provider, a good teacher, a good friend, or a good whatever.
I can just be.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday Update: So It Begins
I have discovered that I can't read and write at the same time. Well, I figure most people can't do that--meaning they can't literally be reading something and be writing something completely different at the same time. Unless, of course, one were a two-headed monster, with two brains--which, in my opinion, that monster would constitute as two people, if, in fact, monsters could be considered people. I'm not going to venture an opinion on that because I don't want to inadvertently insult any monsters, two-headed or otherwise.
Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland." In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.
Ahem.
Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading. I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books. If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book. If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that. I can't keep both going at the same time. So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while. I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased. When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.
Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers. The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school. Preschool has started. I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too. I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them. But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:
1) Make some minor adjustments to first book. Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book. Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book. As soon as possible.
2) Edit second book like crazy. Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it. Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.
3) Um. Project? Experiment? Idea? Yeah. You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.
Here's the deal. I'm not much of a goal-setter. I never have been. I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals. So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week. It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.
If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now. I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything. I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.
I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog. I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project. It's more of an experiment right now. I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short. In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail). Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say. That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort. That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following. And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands.
So please be in prayer. Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this. Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc. I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction. I do ask for direction, too. I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward. It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet. I can't know the answers before I take the test. Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me. Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it.
And this isn't about me anyway. If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment. It's not about me. It's not about single people. It's not about married people. It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.
So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects. I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take. I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not. If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter. In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter. I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not. It's just going to be what it is. And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet. I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.
Pray.
Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland." In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.
Ahem.
Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading. I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books. If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book. If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that. I can't keep both going at the same time. So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while. I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased. When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.
Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers. The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school. Preschool has started. I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too. I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them. But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:
1) Make some minor adjustments to first book. Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book. Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book. As soon as possible.
2) Edit second book like crazy. Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it. Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.
3) Um. Project? Experiment? Idea? Yeah. You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.
Here's the deal. I'm not much of a goal-setter. I never have been. I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals. So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week. It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.
If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now. I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything. I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.
I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog. I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project. It's more of an experiment right now. I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short. In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail). Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say. That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort. That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following. And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands.
So please be in prayer. Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this. Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc. I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction. I do ask for direction, too. I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward. It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet. I can't know the answers before I take the test. Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me. Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it.
And this isn't about me anyway. If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment. It's not about me. It's not about single people. It's not about married people. It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.
So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects. I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take. I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not. If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter. In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter. I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not. It's just going to be what it is. And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet. I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.
Pray.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Fiction Friday: You are NOT J. R .R. Tolkien
I've only read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy once. It was actually years ago, and I've very much wanted to read them again, but, dude! Those books are long. I would probably have to devote an entire summer to reading them, so maybe next year?
Even if I haven't read them in a while, they remain some of my favorite books. Samwise Gamgee is my second favorite fictional character. I can't watch the end of the last movie (Return of the King) without weeping. The book The Return of the King made me weep, too. After journeying along with Samwise and Frodo (and believe me, with as long and as well-written as those books are, you literally feel like you're journeying with them), it broke my heart to have to see them part at the end. Hopefully I didn't ruin that ending for you.
Tolkien was a genius, and eventually I'd like to delve into some of his other work. I have a copy of The Silmarillion that I have yet to read. Why? Because I'd probably have to devote a good month to that thing in order to give it proper attention, and I don't have that kind of time at the moment. Tolkien's works need time to properly digest. They deserve every bit of that time.
Other books, however, don't deserve that kind of time and devotion.
There was a time when readers wanted to read books full of descriptive landscapes, wordy settings, lengthy passages about various unimportant objects that happen to be sitting around in a room. A lot of these books are wonderful. I have nothing against them. It's just that most of them were written in the 1800s, and it seems to me that a lot of today's authors are suffering under some kind of delusion. Either they believe they're still living in the 1800s, or they believe they are, in fact, J. R. R. Tolkien.
Tolkien did not write LOTR in the 1800s. He wrote LOTR in the earlier half of the 1900s. In the case of this work, however, it doesn't really matter, because it was ground-breaking. LOTR was pretty much the first of its kind, which means it would have done well in whatever particular time it was written. Just about every fantasy author since Tolkien hasripped off been inspired by LOTR. If Tolkien had not written this work, I seriously doubt modern literature would be the same.
I'd also like to point out that Tolkien's use of the written language was amazing. I haven't read the books in many years, but I have skimmed through them, just to relive the beauty of the language. Tolkien knew how to weave words together. The following is a brief excerpt from Return of the King:
The great shadow descended like a falling cloud. And behold! it was a winged creature: if bird, then greater than all other birds, and it was naked, and neither quill nor feather did it bear, and its vast pinions were as webs of hide between horned fingers; and it stank. A creature of an older world maybe it was, whose kind, lingering in forgotten mountains cold beneath the Moon, outstayed their day, and in hideous eyrie bred this last untimely brood, apt to evil. And the Dark Lord took it, and nursed it with fell meats, until it grew beyond the measure of all other things that fly; and he gave it to his servant to be his steed. Down, down it came, and then, folding its fingered webs, it gave a croaking cry, and settled...digging in its claws, stooping its long naked neck.
Wonderful! Ooh. I might have nightmares!
I've read a few more modern authors who seem to think that they have a similar grasp of the written language (Christopher Paolini and Cornelia Funke immediately come to mind), and well, they just don't. I'm not saying that they aren't good. In fact, I enjoy their work. I simply enjoy their work for the stories, and not the long, detailed, and completely unnecessary descriptions and/or situations that I have to work through in order to read the stories. The problem is, sometimes I'm not sure if I think stories like this are worth all the effort and time involved to actually read them. And that's sad.
I'm not saying description is a bad thing. Not at all. Small details are nice. Is it vitally important that the main character is wearing a blue shirt? No, but it's okay if an author wants me to know that, as long as he/she doesn't, for no good reason, tell me that the main character is wearing a tagless, pocketless cotton blend periwinkle blue polo with a yellow stripe on the sleeves. If the lengthy detail about the main character's shirt was to make some kind of clear point or was necessary to the story somehow, that's fine. Otherwise, leave it out! See, what I really don't like is when an author goes on and on about nonessential details that don't make the story more enjoyable.
What today's authors have to understand is that most of today's readers aren't interested in major detail that 1) isn't essential or at least relevant to the plot, or 2) doesn't significantly add to the enjoyment of reading. That means that not all excessive descriptions have to be integral to the plot, but if they're not, then they had better be stinkin' good.
Readers, for the most part, are not stupid. They do not need an author to figuratively hold their hand. It insults a reader's intelligence if an author includes too many non-essential descriptions.
Maybe it's sad that society is all about instant gratification. Maybe it's sad that we can't sit down and enjoy a lengthy book with incredible descriptive scenes. But honestly, I haven't read many modern books that have long descriptions that take my breath away. Most of them just make me want to put the author in the Literary Naughty Corner. The most enjoyable literature (Harry Potter and The Hunger Games immediately come to mind) I've read lately has a good balance of description and pace. The authors know what they need to include without putting in too much. They know how to keep the story flowing without getting stuck in some kind of pointless drudgery that no one wants to read. They know how to make the characters interesting and relatable without telling us a million little details that aren't relevant to the plot. Believe me, Paolini, I could care less that Eragon likes to shave using magic. If it's not important, or otherwise really good, don't include it.
And just so everyone knows I'm not picking on anyone, I'm going to go ahead and say that I was once quite guilty of believing that I was J. R. R. Tolkien. I believed I had every right to write a 175,000 word YA fantasy novel, because I was just THAT good. No. I wasn't. After much, MUCH, editing, that book is now under 75,000 words. I still have some minor editing to do, but it'll probably stay under 75,000 words. That means that about 100,000 of the words I originally included were unnecessary.
I'm not Tolkien.
Neither are you.
Which kind of takes the pressure off every fantasy writer out there. I mean, no matter how awesome we are, we'll never be as awesome as Tolkien. Just something to think about.
Even if I haven't read them in a while, they remain some of my favorite books. Samwise Gamgee is my second favorite fictional character. I can't watch the end of the last movie (Return of the King) without weeping. The book The Return of the King made me weep, too. After journeying along with Samwise and Frodo (and believe me, with as long and as well-written as those books are, you literally feel like you're journeying with them), it broke my heart to have to see them part at the end. Hopefully I didn't ruin that ending for you.
Tolkien was a genius, and eventually I'd like to delve into some of his other work. I have a copy of The Silmarillion that I have yet to read. Why? Because I'd probably have to devote a good month to that thing in order to give it proper attention, and I don't have that kind of time at the moment. Tolkien's works need time to properly digest. They deserve every bit of that time.
Other books, however, don't deserve that kind of time and devotion.
There was a time when readers wanted to read books full of descriptive landscapes, wordy settings, lengthy passages about various unimportant objects that happen to be sitting around in a room. A lot of these books are wonderful. I have nothing against them. It's just that most of them were written in the 1800s, and it seems to me that a lot of today's authors are suffering under some kind of delusion. Either they believe they're still living in the 1800s, or they believe they are, in fact, J. R. R. Tolkien.
Tolkien did not write LOTR in the 1800s. He wrote LOTR in the earlier half of the 1900s. In the case of this work, however, it doesn't really matter, because it was ground-breaking. LOTR was pretty much the first of its kind, which means it would have done well in whatever particular time it was written. Just about every fantasy author since Tolkien has
I'd also like to point out that Tolkien's use of the written language was amazing. I haven't read the books in many years, but I have skimmed through them, just to relive the beauty of the language. Tolkien knew how to weave words together. The following is a brief excerpt from Return of the King:
The great shadow descended like a falling cloud. And behold! it was a winged creature: if bird, then greater than all other birds, and it was naked, and neither quill nor feather did it bear, and its vast pinions were as webs of hide between horned fingers; and it stank. A creature of an older world maybe it was, whose kind, lingering in forgotten mountains cold beneath the Moon, outstayed their day, and in hideous eyrie bred this last untimely brood, apt to evil. And the Dark Lord took it, and nursed it with fell meats, until it grew beyond the measure of all other things that fly; and he gave it to his servant to be his steed. Down, down it came, and then, folding its fingered webs, it gave a croaking cry, and settled...digging in its claws, stooping its long naked neck.
Wonderful! Ooh. I might have nightmares!
I've read a few more modern authors who seem to think that they have a similar grasp of the written language (Christopher Paolini and Cornelia Funke immediately come to mind), and well, they just don't. I'm not saying that they aren't good. In fact, I enjoy their work. I simply enjoy their work for the stories, and not the long, detailed, and completely unnecessary descriptions and/or situations that I have to work through in order to read the stories. The problem is, sometimes I'm not sure if I think stories like this are worth all the effort and time involved to actually read them. And that's sad.
I'm not saying description is a bad thing. Not at all. Small details are nice. Is it vitally important that the main character is wearing a blue shirt? No, but it's okay if an author wants me to know that, as long as he/she doesn't, for no good reason, tell me that the main character is wearing a tagless, pocketless cotton blend periwinkle blue polo with a yellow stripe on the sleeves. If the lengthy detail about the main character's shirt was to make some kind of clear point or was necessary to the story somehow, that's fine. Otherwise, leave it out! See, what I really don't like is when an author goes on and on about nonessential details that don't make the story more enjoyable.
What today's authors have to understand is that most of today's readers aren't interested in major detail that 1) isn't essential or at least relevant to the plot, or 2) doesn't significantly add to the enjoyment of reading. That means that not all excessive descriptions have to be integral to the plot, but if they're not, then they had better be stinkin' good.
Readers, for the most part, are not stupid. They do not need an author to figuratively hold their hand. It insults a reader's intelligence if an author includes too many non-essential descriptions.
Maybe it's sad that society is all about instant gratification. Maybe it's sad that we can't sit down and enjoy a lengthy book with incredible descriptive scenes. But honestly, I haven't read many modern books that have long descriptions that take my breath away. Most of them just make me want to put the author in the Literary Naughty Corner. The most enjoyable literature (Harry Potter and The Hunger Games immediately come to mind) I've read lately has a good balance of description and pace. The authors know what they need to include without putting in too much. They know how to keep the story flowing without getting stuck in some kind of pointless drudgery that no one wants to read. They know how to make the characters interesting and relatable without telling us a million little details that aren't relevant to the plot. Believe me, Paolini, I could care less that Eragon likes to shave using magic. If it's not important, or otherwise really good, don't include it.
And just so everyone knows I'm not picking on anyone, I'm going to go ahead and say that I was once quite guilty of believing that I was J. R. R. Tolkien. I believed I had every right to write a 175,000 word YA fantasy novel, because I was just THAT good. No. I wasn't. After much, MUCH, editing, that book is now under 75,000 words. I still have some minor editing to do, but it'll probably stay under 75,000 words. That means that about 100,000 of the words I originally included were unnecessary.
I'm not Tolkien.
Neither are you.
Which kind of takes the pressure off every fantasy writer out there. I mean, no matter how awesome we are, we'll never be as awesome as Tolkien. Just something to think about.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sunday Update: Milestone
Where did the word "milestone" come from? I'm pretty sure I could come up with the answer in just a few minutes by going to wikipedia, but I don't wanna. I'd rather just take an educated guess because that's more fun. So if I were to take a nice educated guess, I'd say that perhaps people in ye olden times probably used stones to mark miles...and people in ye olden times probably referred to such stones as "milestones" because they were clever like that. And over the years, the meaning of the word "milestone" was changed to mean anything that marked a significant change or passage of time/events/etc. in the life of a person, place, or thing. In this case, "milestone" refers to a significant passage of time and events in the life of a blog. My blog. This blog. The blog that you're currently reading unless I bored you to tears with all the ridiculousness about my imagined etymology of milestones.
Last week, this blog had two big milestones. I posted my 100th post, and the blog turned a year old. And before I start spazzing about how this blog is less than a month older than my adorable and intelligent youngest niece, I'll continue.... But seriously. That kid is stinkin' adorable. And intelligent. Like her brother and sisters.
A year or so ago, I remember debating for a good month or more about whether or not I should even start a blog. I had blogs back in college and stuff, but they were filled with whiny posts about nothing. Eventually, I got very tired writing about my boring life. And I'm pretty sure everyone else was tired of reading it--if anyone was even reading it. The problem was, I wanted to be an author--a published author--still do. And a lot of aspiring authors write blogs. A lot of agents look for aspiring authors with blogs. I'm not one to just do what everyone else is doing just because they're doing it, but I'm learning that sometimes it's a good idea to emulate what other people are doing right. And part of me kinda sorta really wanted to start writing a blog again. But I didn't want it to be just another daily log of me whining about something stupid that didn't matter. I knew that if I wanted to start blogging again, I would have to blog with purpose.
As soon as I realized this, I knew what I wanted to do with this blog. I wanted a blog that was specifically geared towards my writing and my writing journey, but more than that, I wanted a blog that was meaningful. Only I knew at the time (as I still know now) that there's really nothing all that important about what I have to say. Unless you're Jon Acuff, then a blog probably means more to the blogger than to the readers. I blog so people will read it (THANK YOU TO MY READERS!!!), but that's not the only reason. I blog because I need to write it. And I can hope that people will read it, and I'm vain enough to think it's good enough for people to read. But when you get down to it, by writing this blog, I'm basically just looking at my own reflection. Other people might come to take a look at it, too, and hopefully they'll get something out of it. But all I have to offer in this blog are my poor reflections.
And so, "Poor Reflections" was born. To be honest, I've used the same idea in other blogs. One of my earlier whiny blogs had a paraphrased Bible verse from 1 Corinthians 13: 12--"Now we see but a poor reflection...then we shall see face to face." And I'm not trying to take Scripture out of context by my play on the words "poor reflections." I'm awaiting a time when all the things we strive for on earth will be pretty much meaningless. Right now, we think we have good stuff, but it's not what it should be. It's not perfect. And the thing is, when the perfect comes--then all the imperfect is going to disappear. I have a lot of things I want to say. I have a lot of poor reflections I want to reveal. The thing is, when that dark glass is shattered and I see Jesus face to face--when I know Him as fully as He knows me--all the things (like becoming a published author) I hope for here on earth aren't going to matter. At all.
But the glass hasn't been shattered. And I'm still striving for things that I want in this life. I've set goals for myself. I've succeeded and I've failed. In a lot of ways, this blog has been a reflection of some of my failings. There was a time around the start of this year that I realized my blogs were becoming little more than daily logs of whining--which was exactly what I didn't want. And I had to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. Sometimes, life is like that, too. Sometimes we need to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus.
I am not where I want to be. And I'm learning that that's okay. I'm learning that there are beautiful things in even the low times of the journey. I'm learning that sometimes things just aren't going to work the way I had planned. Sometimes I have to be creative and find new ways and new plans and new goals. Sometimes I just have to wait for whatever it is God has for me--wait and trust. Wait and trust. Wait and trust.
One thing I'm very sure about is that I'm going somewhere. I don't exactly know where it is yet. Even if I did know, I don't know how to get there. I'm learning that, as far as this life is concerned, there's not just one way to get anywhere. And maybe the path I'm taking isn't the shortest path. And maybe there are shortcuts I don't know about yet, and I just have to wait for the right opportunities. I'm learning not to make judgments about things too quickly--what seems like a dead end might be right where I need to be in order to take me to the next place I need to go. I'm learning that sometimes I have to walk in darkness and just put one foot in front of the other--and that's all I can be expected to do until someone comes to turn on the lights. I'm learning to take risks. I'm learning to ask for help. I'm learning how to live. And I don't think I'm going to stop learning how to live until this life is over. Till the dark glass shatters.
So you're invited to keep journeying with me. We'll see what the next year of my poorly reflected life brings. You're invited to read any of my future posts--whether it be another 100 or just another dozen...or maybe 1000. I really can't say.
But, God willing, I don't think this will be the last milestone for this blog...
...or for me.
Last week, this blog had two big milestones. I posted my 100th post, and the blog turned a year old. And before I start spazzing about how this blog is less than a month older than my adorable and intelligent youngest niece, I'll continue.... But seriously. That kid is stinkin' adorable. And intelligent. Like her brother and sisters.
A year or so ago, I remember debating for a good month or more about whether or not I should even start a blog. I had blogs back in college and stuff, but they were filled with whiny posts about nothing. Eventually, I got very tired writing about my boring life. And I'm pretty sure everyone else was tired of reading it--if anyone was even reading it. The problem was, I wanted to be an author--a published author--still do. And a lot of aspiring authors write blogs. A lot of agents look for aspiring authors with blogs. I'm not one to just do what everyone else is doing just because they're doing it, but I'm learning that sometimes it's a good idea to emulate what other people are doing right. And part of me kinda sorta really wanted to start writing a blog again. But I didn't want it to be just another daily log of me whining about something stupid that didn't matter. I knew that if I wanted to start blogging again, I would have to blog with purpose.
As soon as I realized this, I knew what I wanted to do with this blog. I wanted a blog that was specifically geared towards my writing and my writing journey, but more than that, I wanted a blog that was meaningful. Only I knew at the time (as I still know now) that there's really nothing all that important about what I have to say. Unless you're Jon Acuff, then a blog probably means more to the blogger than to the readers. I blog so people will read it (THANK YOU TO MY READERS!!!), but that's not the only reason. I blog because I need to write it. And I can hope that people will read it, and I'm vain enough to think it's good enough for people to read. But when you get down to it, by writing this blog, I'm basically just looking at my own reflection. Other people might come to take a look at it, too, and hopefully they'll get something out of it. But all I have to offer in this blog are my poor reflections.
And so, "Poor Reflections" was born. To be honest, I've used the same idea in other blogs. One of my earlier whiny blogs had a paraphrased Bible verse from 1 Corinthians 13: 12--"Now we see but a poor reflection...then we shall see face to face." And I'm not trying to take Scripture out of context by my play on the words "poor reflections." I'm awaiting a time when all the things we strive for on earth will be pretty much meaningless. Right now, we think we have good stuff, but it's not what it should be. It's not perfect. And the thing is, when the perfect comes--then all the imperfect is going to disappear. I have a lot of things I want to say. I have a lot of poor reflections I want to reveal. The thing is, when that dark glass is shattered and I see Jesus face to face--when I know Him as fully as He knows me--all the things (like becoming a published author) I hope for here on earth aren't going to matter. At all.
But the glass hasn't been shattered. And I'm still striving for things that I want in this life. I've set goals for myself. I've succeeded and I've failed. In a lot of ways, this blog has been a reflection of some of my failings. There was a time around the start of this year that I realized my blogs were becoming little more than daily logs of whining--which was exactly what I didn't want. And I had to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. Sometimes, life is like that, too. Sometimes we need to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus.
I am not where I want to be. And I'm learning that that's okay. I'm learning that there are beautiful things in even the low times of the journey. I'm learning that sometimes things just aren't going to work the way I had planned. Sometimes I have to be creative and find new ways and new plans and new goals. Sometimes I just have to wait for whatever it is God has for me--wait and trust. Wait and trust. Wait and trust.
One thing I'm very sure about is that I'm going somewhere. I don't exactly know where it is yet. Even if I did know, I don't know how to get there. I'm learning that, as far as this life is concerned, there's not just one way to get anywhere. And maybe the path I'm taking isn't the shortest path. And maybe there are shortcuts I don't know about yet, and I just have to wait for the right opportunities. I'm learning not to make judgments about things too quickly--what seems like a dead end might be right where I need to be in order to take me to the next place I need to go. I'm learning that sometimes I have to walk in darkness and just put one foot in front of the other--and that's all I can be expected to do until someone comes to turn on the lights. I'm learning to take risks. I'm learning to ask for help. I'm learning how to live. And I don't think I'm going to stop learning how to live until this life is over. Till the dark glass shatters.
So you're invited to keep journeying with me. We'll see what the next year of my poorly reflected life brings. You're invited to read any of my future posts--whether it be another 100 or just another dozen...or maybe 1000. I really can't say.
But, God willing, I don't think this will be the last milestone for this blog...
...or for me.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Fiction Friday: Christian Fiction
I have not read a lot of Christian fiction. I'm actually still in the process of getting over a personal bias I've built up against Christian fiction. I'm not sure where this bias has come from. Maybe I read some bad Christian fiction in my teenage years and forgot about it, but have subconsciously built up a mental and emotional block against Christian fiction. I think a more likely cause is that the sort of people who come up to me raving about the latest Christian romance novel they just read are not the sort of people with whom I see myself sharing literary taste.
However this bias came into existence, I'm learning that I really need to get over it (at least somewhat--because let's face it: there is a lot of BAD Christian fiction out there). I don't have a lot of time for reading, but last summer I did manage to read through the Dragon Keeper series by Donita K. Paul. These are Christian fantasy books centering around a girl named Kale Allerion, who (this might come as quite a shock, given the title of the series) keeps Dragons.
Okay, so these books were actually really good. And I'm not just saying that because I kinda sorta have a wild obsession with Dragons. They reminded me of a Christian version of Eragon (and let me take this opportunity to say that Christopher Paolini is sitting in my literary naughty corner until I have the final book of the InheritanceTrilogy Cycle in my hands--gettr done!).
I also took the time to finally read the Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis. But honestly, C. S. Lewis doesn't really fit the category of Christian fiction in my head. I know that it IS Christian fiction on a basic level, but it doesn't fit the category that I still hold a little bit of bias against. I've read plenty of C. S. Lewis' fiction and always loved it, but that's kind of because he's C. S. Lewis and amazing.
I also read a book by a Christian author named C. S. Lakin called The Wolf of Tebron. It was good and I would like to read a little more by this author, but her books aren't typically in libraries (at least not ones in po-dunk towns), and amazon.com doesn't take "I'll babysit your kids for free if you give me books" as acceptable payment.
So in the next few months, I'm hoping to read some of the Christian fiction that's available at the library in the po-dunk town where I live. I've been meaning to read "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers for a LONG time. I'm not sure if I'll like it, not because it's not good. I'm sure it is. I'm just not sure it's going to be my style. But I love the book of Hosea in the Bible, and apparently it's based heavily on that, so it's got a good fighting chance. I'm only skeptical because a lot of those people who have recommended it to me are the type of people with whom I doubt I share literary taste.
I'm also hoping to be able to save up to buy some of the newer Christian fiction that is available. I've read an interesting blog about a Christian fantasy/sci fi novel entitled A Dream Before Dying: The Initiation. That's one I am looking into reading in the near future. You know...when I actually have spare time for reading....
I really think, though, that I need to get over this bias about Christian authors. The reason? Well, I think that whether I like it or not, I'm going to end up being a Christian author. So I'd better start getting used to the idea, and I'd better start figuring out what's going on in the industry.
Do you read Christian fiction? What are some of your favorites? I need to build up a reading list!
However this bias came into existence, I'm learning that I really need to get over it (at least somewhat--because let's face it: there is a lot of BAD Christian fiction out there). I don't have a lot of time for reading, but last summer I did manage to read through the Dragon Keeper series by Donita K. Paul. These are Christian fantasy books centering around a girl named Kale Allerion, who (this might come as quite a shock, given the title of the series) keeps Dragons.
Okay, so these books were actually really good. And I'm not just saying that because I kinda sorta have a wild obsession with Dragons. They reminded me of a Christian version of Eragon (and let me take this opportunity to say that Christopher Paolini is sitting in my literary naughty corner until I have the final book of the Inheritance
I also took the time to finally read the Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis. But honestly, C. S. Lewis doesn't really fit the category of Christian fiction in my head. I know that it IS Christian fiction on a basic level, but it doesn't fit the category that I still hold a little bit of bias against. I've read plenty of C. S. Lewis' fiction and always loved it, but that's kind of because he's C. S. Lewis and amazing.
I also read a book by a Christian author named C. S. Lakin called The Wolf of Tebron. It was good and I would like to read a little more by this author, but her books aren't typically in libraries (at least not ones in po-dunk towns), and amazon.com doesn't take "I'll babysit your kids for free if you give me books" as acceptable payment.
So in the next few months, I'm hoping to read some of the Christian fiction that's available at the library in the po-dunk town where I live. I've been meaning to read "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers for a LONG time. I'm not sure if I'll like it, not because it's not good. I'm sure it is. I'm just not sure it's going to be my style. But I love the book of Hosea in the Bible, and apparently it's based heavily on that, so it's got a good fighting chance. I'm only skeptical because a lot of those people who have recommended it to me are the type of people with whom I doubt I share literary taste.
I'm also hoping to be able to save up to buy some of the newer Christian fiction that is available. I've read an interesting blog about a Christian fantasy/sci fi novel entitled A Dream Before Dying: The Initiation. That's one I am looking into reading in the near future. You know...when I actually have spare time for reading....
I really think, though, that I need to get over this bias about Christian authors. The reason? Well, I think that whether I like it or not, I'm going to end up being a Christian author. So I'd better start getting used to the idea, and I'd better start figuring out what's going on in the industry.
Do you read Christian fiction? What are some of your favorites? I need to build up a reading list!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
SEW Sunday: Grace
I think I'm going to change SEW Sunday to something more generic, because this week I have absolutely nothing to report in the writing world. I'm supposed to use SEW Sundays to talk about what's going on with the queries I'm SENDING, the stories I'm EDITING, and the stories I'm currently WRITING. But I've kind of realized lately that while the writing stuff is very important, there are going to be times when I don't do anything with it. And that's okay. I mean, just because I'm not writing or working on something that has to do with writing does NOT necessarily mean I'm not doing other things that are important.
This week, writing was pretty much out of the question. Why? Because I worked from 8-5:30 every day except for Thursday (Thursday I worked 8-1 and then went home and took a nap because I was BURNT OUT from the rest of the week), and then Monday-Friday I had VBS from 5:45-8:30ish. So most days I left my apartment at 7:45 a.m. and didn't see it again until 8:45 p.m. or later. And when I got home, my brain didn't exactly feel like doing writing stuff...or much of anything else. I didn't even exercise this week--though I probably sweat off a couple pounds just standing outside with VBS.
I had a very busy week. I also had an amazingly good week. It doesn't matter that the only writing I did was to jot down a few lines of poetry for a song I've been trying to write. What matters is that I got to spend time with three of my favorite young ladies (The Princess, The Diva, and The Drama Queen) along with their cousin who was there all week. We played games and made root beer floats and went to the pool and just spent time together. And at the end of the week, just when I was wondering how these four girls had NOT gotten sick to death of me, they all bombarded me with HUGE hugs and "I love yous" that made every second of that wonderful time we'd spent together even more amazing.
I love my girls. I'm very excited about the days I'm going to get to spend with them this summer. But I also worked my Saturday at the drop-in center, where I had not worked all week, and I realized that I really like it there, too. I know there's days when the kids drive me crazy, but I have to admit I love them, too. Sometimes the ones that drive me the most crazy are the ones I end up liking the most. And I love the people I work with. They're some of the most encouraging young ladies I've ever met. So work, while often stressful, is also a joy. And I don't deserve to have this kind of joy, but God's given it to me anyway.
I don't have a lot compared to what a lot of people think is a lot. I live from paycheck to paycheck most of the time. Sometimes I have more than enough. More often I have just enough to squeeze by. Sometimes I find myself in dire need of that next paycheck so I can go buy a half gallon of milk, a jar of peanut butter, and a bag of carrots to make it through to the next week (I live on more than that, but those seem to be my staples lately). I'm working a lot of weird hours at a lot of jobs. I don't have a husband or kids. I don't have a house with a swimming pool in the suburbs. But I've always got enough. I have a roof over my head every time I go to sleep at night. I never have to go hungry. I've got clothes to wear and books to read and even a borrowed computer to type on. I've got a car. I'm really quite blessed materially...even if I'm poor compared to a lot of other Americans.
And I'm blessed in a lot of other ways, too. I'm smart enough to get by. I have talents. I have TONS of amazing friends. I've got a great family--even if they live far away--who always offers me love. I have work to do. I have dreams and passions and hopes.
And I have Jesus.
This week, I volunteered with VBS out in one of the local communities. I don't feel that I was very important (and I wasn't--but then none of us really are--we just have worth in God). I was just a craft leader (the leader with scissors!). I tried to connect some of the lessons, but I'm not sure I did that great of a job of it. But I'm a fairly good watcher/listener when I really set my mind to it, and I did a lot of observing of other volunteers and kids who came to VBS. There was one boy who stood out to me. Well, he stood out to everybody, because he was one of the most boisterous kids I've ever seen.
I'm going to call him Jeremiah, but that's not his real name. On the first night of VBS, he informed his Bible Study leader (Pastor Bryan) that he and his family didn't have a Bible. On the second night of VBSME and even I could be His witness even in the uttermost parts of the earth.
And I found myself weeping (controlled weeping--I didn't want to cause a scene) at the end of VBS as Pastor Randy was telling all of this to us. Why? Was it because I rejoiced that through our small efforts God was doing something amazing? Was it because through our small efforts, God was working in the lives of a small boy named Jeremiah and possibly his entire family? Was it because through our small efforts, God was showing His almighty power?
The answer is yes. But there's more. And I'm not sure I can even begin to type out what I really want to say.
See, it's grace that God gives us when He saves us. It's grace that any of us are able to come to Him at all. It's amazing grace that finds the lost and gives sight to the blind (and we sang that in church this morning, just reiterating everything that's been going on in my brain for the past several days). Apart from God, we're nothing. With God, we have all we could ever need. So grace saves us. Grace brings us from darkness to light, from death to life. In God, we have hope for our own futures.
But God didn't stop there. And I don't know why He chose to make the world in this way, nor do I know why He'd want any of us to begin with. But grace is even more amazing because grace does more than just save us. God does more than just save us. God chooses us, desires us, calls us to be the conduits of His grace to other people. When God saves us, He doesn't just leave us alone. That would be too little for someone as great as our God.
He wants His people to glorify Him. He. Uses. Us. And that can look like so many things. It can look like someone giving away all they have to go be a missionary in Thailand. It can look like someone going downtown with some sandwiches and Bibles to give to homeless people. It can look like something as simple as someone volunteering to do crafts with VBS, because even if I didn't feel that important, I know God wanted me there--both for those kids and for myself. Because I definitely got a blessing out of this week.
The thing is, when God gives me a blessing, that doesn't mean I just get to sit around in my blessedness patting myself on the back. God blesses His people so that they are able to share that blessing with others. And I'm still learning what that looks like for me. I have a feeling it doesn't look like just one thing for me, and it probably doesn't look like just one thing for anyone.
Because it's really easy to get into the trap of thinking that God's preparing me for something BIG in the future, and I look forward to that. But the truth is that while God may or may not be preparing me for something BIG in the future, God's also doing a lot of little things in my life right here and now. And if I keep looking too far ahead, I might miss what He's doing now. And right now, there's a lot that I don't want to miss. I don't want to miss a minute of this summer with my girls. I don't want to miss a moment of crazy wonderfulness with my co-workers. I don't want to miss any of the summer stuff going on at my church. I don't want to miss anything God does in me or through me. And I'm learning what that looks like. And it's a crazy insane adventure that I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try...
The most important theme for me personally from this week of VBS was from a simple refrain from one of the kids' favorite songs. The song was "the rap song" according to the kids, but it was really called "Why Don't You?" And it had John 3:16 laid out in a cool little rap that will get stuck in kids' (and VBS leaders') heads forever--which is a very good thing. But the refrain of the song is what I needed to hear. "We trust Jesus because He loves us." And then came the question, "Why don't you?"
I keep coming back to the same thing. If I believe God is good, loving, and able, then why don't I trust Him? I have to keep repeating to myself that simple refrain, personalizing it slightly. "I trust Jesus because He loves me." And He does love me. And He wants me. And He calls me. And He gives me grace. So I should trust Him. I'm learning. This summer has already proven to be an adventure. I trust it will continue to be so. I'm looking forward to autumn, but also trying to truly live right here and now. Because God is here and now. And His love and grace are here and now.
Will there be time for writing? Yes. I do have to be diligent to do that. But honestly, I don't have any guilt over not writing this week. I did a lot of living. I mean, I even held a python this week. I think that earns me a Get Out of Writing Free card for the week, don't you?
This week, writing was pretty much out of the question. Why? Because I worked from 8-5:30 every day except for Thursday (Thursday I worked 8-1 and then went home and took a nap because I was BURNT OUT from the rest of the week), and then Monday-Friday I had VBS from 5:45-8:30ish. So most days I left my apartment at 7:45 a.m. and didn't see it again until 8:45 p.m. or later. And when I got home, my brain didn't exactly feel like doing writing stuff...or much of anything else. I didn't even exercise this week--though I probably sweat off a couple pounds just standing outside with VBS.
I had a very busy week. I also had an amazingly good week. It doesn't matter that the only writing I did was to jot down a few lines of poetry for a song I've been trying to write. What matters is that I got to spend time with three of my favorite young ladies (The Princess, The Diva, and The Drama Queen) along with their cousin who was there all week. We played games and made root beer floats and went to the pool and just spent time together. And at the end of the week, just when I was wondering how these four girls had NOT gotten sick to death of me, they all bombarded me with HUGE hugs and "I love yous" that made every second of that wonderful time we'd spent together even more amazing.
I love my girls. I'm very excited about the days I'm going to get to spend with them this summer. But I also worked my Saturday at the drop-in center, where I had not worked all week, and I realized that I really like it there, too. I know there's days when the kids drive me crazy, but I have to admit I love them, too. Sometimes the ones that drive me the most crazy are the ones I end up liking the most. And I love the people I work with. They're some of the most encouraging young ladies I've ever met. So work, while often stressful, is also a joy. And I don't deserve to have this kind of joy, but God's given it to me anyway.
I don't have a lot compared to what a lot of people think is a lot. I live from paycheck to paycheck most of the time. Sometimes I have more than enough. More often I have just enough to squeeze by. Sometimes I find myself in dire need of that next paycheck so I can go buy a half gallon of milk, a jar of peanut butter, and a bag of carrots to make it through to the next week (I live on more than that, but those seem to be my staples lately). I'm working a lot of weird hours at a lot of jobs. I don't have a husband or kids. I don't have a house with a swimming pool in the suburbs. But I've always got enough. I have a roof over my head every time I go to sleep at night. I never have to go hungry. I've got clothes to wear and books to read and even a borrowed computer to type on. I've got a car. I'm really quite blessed materially...even if I'm poor compared to a lot of other Americans.
And I'm blessed in a lot of other ways, too. I'm smart enough to get by. I have talents. I have TONS of amazing friends. I've got a great family--even if they live far away--who always offers me love. I have work to do. I have dreams and passions and hopes.
And I have Jesus.
This week, I volunteered with VBS out in one of the local communities. I don't feel that I was very important (and I wasn't--but then none of us really are--we just have worth in God). I was just a craft leader (the leader with scissors!). I tried to connect some of the lessons, but I'm not sure I did that great of a job of it. But I'm a fairly good watcher/listener when I really set my mind to it, and I did a lot of observing of other volunteers and kids who came to VBS. There was one boy who stood out to me. Well, he stood out to everybody, because he was one of the most boisterous kids I've ever seen.
I'm going to call him Jeremiah, but that's not his real name. On the first night of VBS, he informed his Bible Study leader (Pastor Bryan) that he and his family didn't have a Bible. On the second night of VBSME and even I could be His witness even in the uttermost parts of the earth.
And I found myself weeping (controlled weeping--I didn't want to cause a scene) at the end of VBS as Pastor Randy was telling all of this to us. Why? Was it because I rejoiced that through our small efforts God was doing something amazing? Was it because through our small efforts, God was working in the lives of a small boy named Jeremiah and possibly his entire family? Was it because through our small efforts, God was showing His almighty power?
The answer is yes. But there's more. And I'm not sure I can even begin to type out what I really want to say.
See, it's grace that God gives us when He saves us. It's grace that any of us are able to come to Him at all. It's amazing grace that finds the lost and gives sight to the blind (and we sang that in church this morning, just reiterating everything that's been going on in my brain for the past several days). Apart from God, we're nothing. With God, we have all we could ever need. So grace saves us. Grace brings us from darkness to light, from death to life. In God, we have hope for our own futures.
But God didn't stop there. And I don't know why He chose to make the world in this way, nor do I know why He'd want any of us to begin with. But grace is even more amazing because grace does more than just save us. God does more than just save us. God chooses us, desires us, calls us to be the conduits of His grace to other people. When God saves us, He doesn't just leave us alone. That would be too little for someone as great as our God.
He wants His people to glorify Him. He. Uses. Us. And that can look like so many things. It can look like someone giving away all they have to go be a missionary in Thailand. It can look like someone going downtown with some sandwiches and Bibles to give to homeless people. It can look like something as simple as someone volunteering to do crafts with VBS, because even if I didn't feel that important, I know God wanted me there--both for those kids and for myself. Because I definitely got a blessing out of this week.
The thing is, when God gives me a blessing, that doesn't mean I just get to sit around in my blessedness patting myself on the back. God blesses His people so that they are able to share that blessing with others. And I'm still learning what that looks like for me. I have a feeling it doesn't look like just one thing for me, and it probably doesn't look like just one thing for anyone.
Because it's really easy to get into the trap of thinking that God's preparing me for something BIG in the future, and I look forward to that. But the truth is that while God may or may not be preparing me for something BIG in the future, God's also doing a lot of little things in my life right here and now. And if I keep looking too far ahead, I might miss what He's doing now. And right now, there's a lot that I don't want to miss. I don't want to miss a minute of this summer with my girls. I don't want to miss a moment of crazy wonderfulness with my co-workers. I don't want to miss any of the summer stuff going on at my church. I don't want to miss anything God does in me or through me. And I'm learning what that looks like. And it's a crazy insane adventure that I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try...
The most important theme for me personally from this week of VBS was from a simple refrain from one of the kids' favorite songs. The song was "the rap song" according to the kids, but it was really called "Why Don't You?" And it had John 3:16 laid out in a cool little rap that will get stuck in kids' (and VBS leaders') heads forever--which is a very good thing. But the refrain of the song is what I needed to hear. "We trust Jesus because He loves us." And then came the question, "Why don't you?"
I keep coming back to the same thing. If I believe God is good, loving, and able, then why don't I trust Him? I have to keep repeating to myself that simple refrain, personalizing it slightly. "I trust Jesus because He loves me." And He does love me. And He wants me. And He calls me. And He gives me grace. So I should trust Him. I'm learning. This summer has already proven to be an adventure. I trust it will continue to be so. I'm looking forward to autumn, but also trying to truly live right here and now. Because God is here and now. And His love and grace are here and now.
Will there be time for writing? Yes. I do have to be diligent to do that. But honestly, I don't have any guilt over not writing this week. I did a lot of living. I mean, I even held a python this week. I think that earns me a Get Out of Writing Free card for the week, don't you?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
SEW Sunday: Still Learning
(SEW Sunday is when I rant about discuss what's going on with the queries I'm supposed to be SENDING, the manuscripts I'm supposed to be EDITING, and the stuff I'm currently WRITING...but it's usually just where I talk about what I should be doing and am not doing)
I was talking with a good friend last night about how I kind of dread SEW Sunday blogs. Why? Because most weeks I don't do anything worth speaking of, so by the time Sunday rolls around, I have nothing to actually report. This week is no exception.
My completed and polished manuscript is in the hands of one of my fellow writer friends. I'm still working on some songs and working up the courage to go record them. I did read over a rough manuscript I wrote over a year ago--it doesn't need much editing--but it's a companion to another book that needs a LOT of editing before I can even think about trying to sell it. So yeah. In other words, I haven't been doing much.
And one of the things my friend and I talked about last night was that feeling that we should be doing more--more BIG things...more more more. I understand what she was talking about, but I'm not sure it all relates the same way to my life. Balance is incredibly hard for me. I've always struggled with it.
Right now, the big struggle in my life is figuring out how much of following God is grace/faith/trust and how much is action. I am writing because it's something God's given me to do--I have a HUGE passion for it that pretty much consumes my sanity and everything else. I can't not write. And I want my writing to be something that honors God. So when I'm not writing as much as I think I should be writing, it's easy to get myself into this guilt trap. I start basing everything on how much work I'm doing for God.
That's not the right attitude to have. I'm not doing anything for God. God doesn't need me. The world needs another novel like I need another crazy Dragon-Muse. But God wants me to write, and there's value in that because HE'S doing something. My frequent attitude is: "What am I doing for God?" My attitude should be something more like: "What is God doing through me?"
I keep going around in circles and keep coming back to the same conclusion that I'm just a weak fool whom God has chosen to shame the strong and the wise. And His timing isn't my timing. Could I be doing more? Absolutely. I should be doing more. But I should be doing more because God's working in me, not because I'm vainly trying to work for God.
I put the cart before the horse and end up not getting anywhere.
So I'm still learning to balance. It's a work in progress, and I'm a work in progress. One thing I'm also learning is that the more work you put into something, the better it becomes. So while I'm waiting and hopefully working (for the right reasons) on what God has given me to do, making it better...
...well, God's doing the same thing in me. Oh, this process of perfection...so wonderful, so mysterious.
But yeah. I hope I actually have something worth reporting next week.
I was talking with a good friend last night about how I kind of dread SEW Sunday blogs. Why? Because most weeks I don't do anything worth speaking of, so by the time Sunday rolls around, I have nothing to actually report. This week is no exception.
My completed and polished manuscript is in the hands of one of my fellow writer friends. I'm still working on some songs and working up the courage to go record them. I did read over a rough manuscript I wrote over a year ago--it doesn't need much editing--but it's a companion to another book that needs a LOT of editing before I can even think about trying to sell it. So yeah. In other words, I haven't been doing much.
And one of the things my friend and I talked about last night was that feeling that we should be doing more--more BIG things...more more more. I understand what she was talking about, but I'm not sure it all relates the same way to my life. Balance is incredibly hard for me. I've always struggled with it.
Right now, the big struggle in my life is figuring out how much of following God is grace/faith/trust and how much is action. I am writing because it's something God's given me to do--I have a HUGE passion for it that pretty much consumes my sanity and everything else. I can't not write. And I want my writing to be something that honors God. So when I'm not writing as much as I think I should be writing, it's easy to get myself into this guilt trap. I start basing everything on how much work I'm doing for God.
That's not the right attitude to have. I'm not doing anything for God. God doesn't need me. The world needs another novel like I need another crazy Dragon-Muse. But God wants me to write, and there's value in that because HE'S doing something. My frequent attitude is: "What am I doing for God?" My attitude should be something more like: "What is God doing through me?"
I keep going around in circles and keep coming back to the same conclusion that I'm just a weak fool whom God has chosen to shame the strong and the wise. And His timing isn't my timing. Could I be doing more? Absolutely. I should be doing more. But I should be doing more because God's working in me, not because I'm vainly trying to work for God.
I put the cart before the horse and end up not getting anywhere.
So I'm still learning to balance. It's a work in progress, and I'm a work in progress. One thing I'm also learning is that the more work you put into something, the better it becomes. So while I'm waiting and hopefully working (for the right reasons) on what God has given me to do, making it better...
...well, God's doing the same thing in me. Oh, this process of perfection...so wonderful, so mysterious.
But yeah. I hope I actually have something worth reporting next week.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
SEW Sunday: Life
(SEW Sundays are posts where I rant about discuss what's going on with the queries I am SENDING to agents, my EDITING, and my WRITING...among other things....)
My fingers hurt. It's not because I've been typing too much. It's because I just spent about an hour and a half playing guitar. I like Sunday afternoons because I usually set aside a good chunk of time just for this purpose. I could be napping, but when I nap on Sunday afternoons, I tend to go into a mini coma and not wake up until the "wee hours" of Monday morning. So to avoid throwing off my sleep schedule for the entire week, I play the guitar when most people take naps.
I wrote music for two songs over the past month. I'm working on the music for two more. Originally, I was just planning on working on one musical project. If things keep going the way they've been going, then I might have two musical projects in mind. We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about it--though also very scared. That's ironic, because one of the projects I'm thinking of has to do with the theme of fear. But I did talk briefly with a very nice man who might be able to record my project(s), and that was extremely encouraging . There are a lot of little (and big) details to work out, but I'm confident this is going to happen.
As far as the writing goes, I'm still waiting on a few things. I traded manuscripts with a fellow writer friend today. That's always a little scary, but in the long run I really think she's going to be able to help me progress in this "getting published" journey. I've been stuck for so long that I really think I've needed a push. So hopefully this is it.
I know I keep saying a lot of the same things over and over in these posts. It's because I need reminders. I need the reminders that while waiting is hard, it's part of the journey on which God is leading me. While I'm waiting, there are a lot of things to be doing, a lot of life to be living. What I do now as an unpublished writer is just as important as the things I will do when I become a published writer (and I'm confident that I will become one, one way or another). I get in this mindset so many times that life isn't happening until I achieve some kind of goal or dream. The truth is, life is right now. Life is every day. Life is getting out of bed in the morning and going for a run, or going to work, or just sitting down with a cup of coffee and enjoying the beauty of the world around me.
Thank you if you're one of the ones who consistently reads this and consistently prays for me and this path God's given me to walk. I know it's frustrating to have to wait for anything, and a lot of people have expressed that they really want to be able to read my books in print (most of them want free signed copies--I don't know about the free part, but I'll sign it for free, if that helps!). I know I've said this on this blog before, but I'm going to say it again. No matter how frustrated you are in waiting, I'm even more so. And I've been apathetic for a while because I get so discouraged. But I sense that apathy melting away. I'm starting to figuratively breathe more deeply, wanting to take in as much life as possible. And part of that means I'm going to start working towards my dreams again. If they're God-given dreams, then they're not really in my hands, so I can't be afraid. Not really.
It's really amazing what God's doing in me right now. It's been such a process. I can't explain it very well--just that I'm changing. He's being faithful to strip away a lot of things that have kept me from being as free as He's wanted me to be. Fear is one of those things. I'm learning. It's still a process. I call it the process of perfection--it will only be completed when I do move past the poor reflection in the mirror and see Him face to face. In the meantime, there's this life He's graciously given me.
My fingers hurt. It's not because I've been typing too much. It's because I just spent about an hour and a half playing guitar. I like Sunday afternoons because I usually set aside a good chunk of time just for this purpose. I could be napping, but when I nap on Sunday afternoons, I tend to go into a mini coma and not wake up until the "wee hours" of Monday morning. So to avoid throwing off my sleep schedule for the entire week, I play the guitar when most people take naps.
I wrote music for two songs over the past month. I'm working on the music for two more. Originally, I was just planning on working on one musical project. If things keep going the way they've been going, then I might have two musical projects in mind. We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about it--though also very scared. That's ironic, because one of the projects I'm thinking of has to do with the theme of fear. But I did talk briefly with a very nice man who might be able to record my project(s), and that was extremely encouraging . There are a lot of little (and big) details to work out, but I'm confident this is going to happen.
As far as the writing goes, I'm still waiting on a few things. I traded manuscripts with a fellow writer friend today. That's always a little scary, but in the long run I really think she's going to be able to help me progress in this "getting published" journey. I've been stuck for so long that I really think I've needed a push. So hopefully this is it.
I know I keep saying a lot of the same things over and over in these posts. It's because I need reminders. I need the reminders that while waiting is hard, it's part of the journey on which God is leading me. While I'm waiting, there are a lot of things to be doing, a lot of life to be living. What I do now as an unpublished writer is just as important as the things I will do when I become a published writer (and I'm confident that I will become one, one way or another). I get in this mindset so many times that life isn't happening until I achieve some kind of goal or dream. The truth is, life is right now. Life is every day. Life is getting out of bed in the morning and going for a run, or going to work, or just sitting down with a cup of coffee and enjoying the beauty of the world around me.
Thank you if you're one of the ones who consistently reads this and consistently prays for me and this path God's given me to walk. I know it's frustrating to have to wait for anything, and a lot of people have expressed that they really want to be able to read my books in print (most of them want free signed copies--I don't know about the free part, but I'll sign it for free, if that helps!). I know I've said this on this blog before, but I'm going to say it again. No matter how frustrated you are in waiting, I'm even more so. And I've been apathetic for a while because I get so discouraged. But I sense that apathy melting away. I'm starting to figuratively breathe more deeply, wanting to take in as much life as possible. And part of that means I'm going to start working towards my dreams again. If they're God-given dreams, then they're not really in my hands, so I can't be afraid. Not really.
It's really amazing what God's doing in me right now. It's been such a process. I can't explain it very well--just that I'm changing. He's being faithful to strip away a lot of things that have kept me from being as free as He's wanted me to be. Fear is one of those things. I'm learning. It's still a process. I call it the process of perfection--it will only be completed when I do move past the poor reflection in the mirror and see Him face to face. In the meantime, there's this life He's graciously given me.
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