Monday, January 23, 2012

Help! Send Peasants!

Dear Readers of the Human’s Blog:
Right now, our human is being held at talon-point while we are forcing her to type this letter on our behalf (talons are of little use for typing—they are better made for the disembowelment of enemies and/or humans who consistently write bad poetry). Do not be alarmed; our human will (probably) come to no harm. In fact, you should be grateful. Instead of the usual Monday drivel from our boring human, you’re getting a well-written and interesting greeting from a group of intelligent and ferocious (not to mention, good-looking) Dragon-Muses.

For months now, our lazy human has been ignoring us and her writing/editing. We have been faithful Muses (aside from a short and well-deserved vacation, on which our human was not invited), but where there is no human effort, even the greatest Dragon-Muses’ inspirations are practically useless. With the exception of a few pathetic attempts at song writing and a talonful of mundane human blogs, our human has produced nothing of worth in the past year.  Also, she cancelled our blog, which was both interesting and well-written.  We sat by, biding our time, waiting for our human to snap out of her selfish stupor and start paying attention to us again. Though Dragons are usually very patient creatures, we have grown tired of waiting. We can wait no longer.

Today marks the Chinese New Year, and 2012 happens to be the Year of the Dragon. On this wondrous day in this wondrous year, we have decided that it is time to act. Our human can no longer push us or her writing aside. It is time for her to allow us to inspire her once again. It is time for her to pick up her pen, to exercise her typing fingers, and to work diligently at the craft to which she has been called.

So for the next few days, you might not see much of our fair human. While we will allow her to go to work (and possibly, if she’s good, we might let her go for a run—but only if she promises to think about her writing while she’s running) our human will be spending most of her time either writing or editing (or both at the same time) in the Cave. If her work pleases us, we will allow her a little leniency, but realistically speaking, we imagine her confinement will last far beyond the span of this week.  Do not consider our treatment unfair; she has brought this upon herself.

Please note that we Dragons also might consider shortening our human’s confinement if you, her readers, make an offering of acceptable gifts. We will only be appeased by the purest of golds, the shiniest of jewels, and the juiciest of peasants. Please leave your sacrifices at the entrance of our Cave.  If you don't know where that is, you can leave them with our human (if you happen to be lucky enough to catch her while she isn't writing).

I'm not sure why any of you should care, but if our human is on her best behavior, we will allow her to continue her usual boring blogging on Wednesday.

Happy Year of the Dragon! May you find work to do, and may you work with all your heart.

The Dragon-Muses:
Pneuman, Bion, Jerry, Tai, Dravaena, Titus, and Runny

P.S. Runny is the newest Dragon-Muse. He likes to bend (and sometimes break…and sometimes shatter) writing rules. His full name is Runnon M. Frazier. Yep. Jerry’s got a long-lost little brother. Who knew?

P.S.S. We have also declared today, “Bring Your Dragon to Work Day!” So take your Dragon to work, and don’t forget to pack him/her a nice herd of cattle for lunch.

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