When I was on a mission trip in Thailand about five years ago, I tried a little experiment. One of my friends had told me once about this really pretty girl he went to high school with. She would invite guys to the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meetings, and they would come, just because she was pretty. According to my friend, a lot of those guys she invited eventually became Christians through attending FCA meetings. Well, I wasn't that pretty in high school (especially in my pre-contact lenses days), and I didn't really have a knack for talking to guys. But for whatever reason, when I was in Thailand, I attracted the attention of a guy named Sin (insert lame joke about "my Sin finding me out" here).
Well, Sin was really into me, and so I thought I'd try what that really pretty high school girl had done. I invited him to lunch, hoping that the other members of my team and I could "tag-team witness" to him. Well, I think it just offended him a little and generally creeped him out...and well, I don't blame him. It wasn't the smartest decision on my part, and I really should have known better (insert joke about how I should have "fled from Sin" here). My intentions were good, but unwise. I still just have to ask myself...what was I thinking?
Well, the other day I was at the tire shop getting my tires checked, and this stranger dude randomly asked me out to get sushi with him. I immediately turned him down and stuck my nose in a book so I wouldn't have to talk to him anymore. In the awkward silence that followed, I considered my decision, wondering if maybe I should have been a little more open to talking with him. Now, I wouldn't have gone to get sushi with him, but maybe I could have at least been a little friendlier, struck up a conversation. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'd done the right thing by not talking to him.
There are some amazing people who can talk to anyone about anything, who can tell strangers about Jesus at the drop of a hat. They can take any topic and seamlessly transition it into a conversation about spiritual matters. I'm just not one of those people. And if I'd tried talking to that guy with the intentions of telling him about Jesus, it would have almost certainly turned out similarly to my experience with Sin. He would have realized I was interested in talking to him because I wanted to tell him about Jesus, not because I wanted to date him. And while there's a LOT to be said about caring about someone just because they're a fellow human being whom Jesus loves and died for, I can definitely see how he would have been offended if he were just looking for a pretty girl to eat sushi with.
The thing about me is that what you see is pretty much what you get. I have a lot of respect for Jesus' command to his disciples to be "shrewd as snakes, but harmless as doves." The thing is, I just don't think that I'm meant to be "shrewd as a snake." I am extremely shy around people I don't know. I am not a good conversationalist even with people I do know. I love people, and I have a lot of friends, but I have to warm up to people gradually over time. And I can't just pretend to be something different besides what I am. I can't talk to strangers (unless the Holy Spirit takes over--that has happened before, and it's awesome, but I have no control over it). And I felt guilty about it for years before realizing that I'm the way I am because this is how God has made me. I was doing something wrong when I tried to force myself to be friendly. ...and honestly, when I did try to be friendly towards strangers, I think I scared them off. I'm apparently such a weird person that my true personality doesn't come out until after people have had a chance to get used to me.
Recently, I've been thinking about I've been trying to market my writing. I haven't actually been marketing my writing, mind you; I've just been thinking about marketing my writing. And what I've been thinking is that I've been frustrating myself with my own agenda. I used to have this idea about marketing my vaguely Christian writing in the mainstream writing market, in the hopes that some people would pick it up and small Truth that would make them want to search for greater Truth. But the problem is that I have trouble keeping my faith separate from my writing--so most of it is more than just vaguely Christian. Also, with the way the current YA writing market is going, my style really wouldn't sell well. That doesn't mean that what I've written isn't good or sellable, but it means that the current market trends are going a completely different direction than what I'm wanting to sell. Dystopian. Paranormal. Cursing and sex in teen books. Dystopian and paranormal I can appreciate--and maybe even market some of my other writing in those directions. But honestly, I think the specific book I'm trying to sell (or thinking about selling) is too innocent (perhaps even "as harmless as a dove") for the current mainstream markets.
And I've been on and off considering that it would probably be a good idea to start switching gears. I think I'm going to have to start marketing more towards Christian publishers. The more I've thought and prayed about it, the more it seems like the route I need to go. I'm not good at being "shrewd as a snake" even in the way I market my writing. If it's a book with strong Christian themes, then it's a Christian book, and I think I'm going to have to market it that way. Straightforward. That's how I am. I can't change it, and really, I shouldn't try to change it. God's agenda for me and my writing is greater than my own agenda. I don't know what's going to happen or how He's going to lead. I may not become as popular of a writer as I had once hoped (but really, that was always a longshot, and I don't think I want that much publicity anymore anyway). I do want my writing out there. I want people reading it. I want people to know my characters and know what they experience. I want God to be glorified through my writing. And I guess if that's my main goal, then I shouldn't be too concerned about all the particulars.
I need to make the transition from thinking about marketing my writing to actually marketing my writing again. ...but then again, there's a lot of things I need to do.
--I need to stop eating everything in sight. This week has been bad. I've just been out of control and not honoring God with what I eat.
--I've been out of control in my prayer life/Bible reading, too. I need to get back on track. I've been talking ABOUT God a lot, but not talking TO Him very much. That's not okay, but it's an easy trap to find oneself in. But the thing is, as chaotic as life has been (and will continue to be this week--I'm working at least 2 jobs almost every day), God has just been so gracious. He's shown me that even when I'm spinning out of control, He's still in control. His grace is more than sufficient. That doesn't excuse me from striving to follow Him, but I know that even when I'm struggling, He's got me. He loves me. He's not letting me go. Great is His faithfulness!
--Running? Going well! I'm glad something is! I did 12 miles last week. I'm going to attempt 13 miles this week (today hopefully), and then start backing off to about 9-10 miles for my last two long runs before the race. It's a little less than 3 weeks until the half marathon! I'm getting excited about getting to see family and getting to run my legs off! Please pray I stay injury free and that I continue to praise God with every step I run! Those are my only real concerns as the race day approaches!
--Grown up stuff--like job applications and planning to move in JUNE (not to another town, but to another apartment in the same town)? I feel like I haven't had time to work on these things, but really I've not been MAKING the time to work on them. This week is going to be busy, but I HAVE to put on my big girl pants and DEAL with this stuff. Seriously.
--I need to make an effort to go to sleep earlier. I've been oversleeping and just generally being exhausted during the day.
Honestly, I feel really out of control right now, but that's good. I'm grateful for the times when the Lord humbles me and reminds me of how much I really need Him. I pray that He's shining through me, even when I'm a mess.
Shiny Monday to you!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Fiction Friday: Excuses, Excuses
I was going to try to do a book review today. Actually, I was going to try to do a book review LAST Friday, but I just haven't finished rereading the book yet.
You see, I was going to reread the book, and indeed, had started, when an interdimensional portal opened in my room. A man stepped out and said that he was from the 27th century. He told me he needed my book so that he could do a study on ancient interdimensional literature.
I told him "Tough tomatoes. I have to write a book review. And I hope that interdimensional portal doesn't leave a mark on my wall."
He said, "We don't have tomatoes in my dimension. We did, but they were eaten by the plague of Garfs. But that's beside the point. I really need your book more than you do. And if the interdimensional portal leaves a mark, you should use a magic eraser."
"I love magic erasers!" I exclaimed. "They get crayon off of anything!"
"Is a crayon some sort of interdimensional portal?" he asked.
"It's a portal into the greatest interdimensional port of all," I said happily. "The imagination."
He looked at me kind of funny and said, "Wait a moment. Do you have magic erasers in this dimension and in this century?"
I ran to the kitchen and got a magic eraser--those little sponge thingies that get crayon off of anything. I held it up for him to see.
"What is that?" he asked, sounding both curious and somewhat horrified.
"A magic eraser," I said, shrugging.
He shook his head. "That's not a magic eraser! THIS is a magic eraser!" He pulled a large pink rubber eraser--like the kinds they sell to elementary school kids...who never really use them for anything besides chewing or throwing them at each other.
I laughed. "That's magic?"
He seemed slightly offended. "Magic? Of course it's magic!" And he proceeded to rub it on one of my shoes. My shoe magically disappeared.
"Dude!" I exclaimed, first in surprise, then in anger. "You erased my shoe!"
"I know. These magic erasers are amazing."
"No, man. You erased my shoe. I liked that shoe!"
"I don't know what you're complaining about," he said. "You still have the other one."
"What am I supposed to do with only one shoe!?" I demanded.
"Well, if it will make you feel better, I'll just erase your foot. Then you'll only need one shoe!"
"I think it's time for you to go," I said, pointing to the interdimensional portal. "After you work whatever 27th century magic you have that will get me back my shoe."
"I can get you back your shoe," he said, "but first you give me that book."
"I can't give you this book," I insisted. "I have to do a book review for my Fiction Friday blog."
"I've read your blog from the future," the man said. "It's really not that great, you know."
"That's it!" I exclaimed. "Give me back my shoe and get out of my dimension. And my century. And my room."
We wrestled for a moment, and due to my lack of balance, we somehow managed to trip through the interdimensional portal. I spent the next several days battling the interdimensional traveler through space and time. I learned that his name is Steve and that he likes Mexican food.
In our travels, we discovered that if he had journeyed to another place (a bookstore) and another time (a few months from now), he could get his own copy of the book he was trying to steal from me. We laughed about this, and he used a magic uneraser to give me back my shoe. All's well that ends well.
Except when he returned me to this dimension, he brought me back too late to finish rereading the book before today. So no Fiction Friday blog.
Or I didn't manage my time well, had another insanely busy week that involved car problems, running, and a preschool arts night--and I just didn't have enough time to read.
You decide which story is fact and which one is fiction.
You see, I was going to reread the book, and indeed, had started, when an interdimensional portal opened in my room. A man stepped out and said that he was from the 27th century. He told me he needed my book so that he could do a study on ancient interdimensional literature.
I told him "Tough tomatoes. I have to write a book review. And I hope that interdimensional portal doesn't leave a mark on my wall."
He said, "We don't have tomatoes in my dimension. We did, but they were eaten by the plague of Garfs. But that's beside the point. I really need your book more than you do. And if the interdimensional portal leaves a mark, you should use a magic eraser."
"I love magic erasers!" I exclaimed. "They get crayon off of anything!"
"Is a crayon some sort of interdimensional portal?" he asked.
"It's a portal into the greatest interdimensional port of all," I said happily. "The imagination."
He looked at me kind of funny and said, "Wait a moment. Do you have magic erasers in this dimension and in this century?"
I ran to the kitchen and got a magic eraser--those little sponge thingies that get crayon off of anything. I held it up for him to see.
"What is that?" he asked, sounding both curious and somewhat horrified.
"A magic eraser," I said, shrugging.
He shook his head. "That's not a magic eraser! THIS is a magic eraser!" He pulled a large pink rubber eraser--like the kinds they sell to elementary school kids...who never really use them for anything besides chewing or throwing them at each other.
I laughed. "That's magic?"
He seemed slightly offended. "Magic? Of course it's magic!" And he proceeded to rub it on one of my shoes. My shoe magically disappeared.
"Dude!" I exclaimed, first in surprise, then in anger. "You erased my shoe!"
"I know. These magic erasers are amazing."
"No, man. You erased my shoe. I liked that shoe!"
"I don't know what you're complaining about," he said. "You still have the other one."
"What am I supposed to do with only one shoe!?" I demanded.
"Well, if it will make you feel better, I'll just erase your foot. Then you'll only need one shoe!"
"I think it's time for you to go," I said, pointing to the interdimensional portal. "After you work whatever 27th century magic you have that will get me back my shoe."
"I can get you back your shoe," he said, "but first you give me that book."
"I can't give you this book," I insisted. "I have to do a book review for my Fiction Friday blog."
"I've read your blog from the future," the man said. "It's really not that great, you know."
"That's it!" I exclaimed. "Give me back my shoe and get out of my dimension. And my century. And my room."
We wrestled for a moment, and due to my lack of balance, we somehow managed to trip through the interdimensional portal. I spent the next several days battling the interdimensional traveler through space and time. I learned that his name is Steve and that he likes Mexican food.
In our travels, we discovered that if he had journeyed to another place (a bookstore) and another time (a few months from now), he could get his own copy of the book he was trying to steal from me. We laughed about this, and he used a magic uneraser to give me back my shoe. All's well that ends well.
Except when he returned me to this dimension, he brought me back too late to finish rereading the book before today. So no Fiction Friday blog.
Or I didn't manage my time well, had another insanely busy week that involved car problems, running, and a preschool arts night--and I just didn't have enough time to read.
You decide which story is fact and which one is fiction.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Worship
Sometimes, worship happens in a building with a steeple. I put on make up and a dress and sing with the choir before going to sit in a padded chair and listen to a sermon. Then I go to my adult Bible study class, which is full of prayer and Bible-centered discussion. And it is good.
Sometimes, worship happens when I'm sitting in my room. I'm either loudly strumming on my guitar or quietly writing in a notebook. I come to meet a holy God in faded blue jeans and a tattered t-shirt. And He comes near and inspires my songs, my words. And it is good.
Sometimes, worship happens when I'm wearing sweats and a hoodie, driving to the store. A song comes on the radio that captures my soul's attention, and I can't help but sing out in praise. And it is good.
Sometimes worship happens when I'm in a work shirt, playing with one of my preschoolers. I suddenly look into her eyes and realize that only God could make a little person like that, with such a sweet little face and a distinct personality. And I say, "Do you know who made you? God made you!" And it is good.
Sometimes worship happens when I'm in shorts and a sweaty dry-fit t-shirt, running along the pavement. I'm tired, but He is my strength. I'm too out of breath to sing along with the praise songs on my mp3 player, but my heart is rejoicing. I don't know if church can happen with just one person, but I'm not alone. The birds are singing; the butterflies are dancing; the trees are clapping their hands. There's a worship service going on out here, all right. All creation is praising the Lord.
And this is His sanctuary
Sometimes, worship happens when I'm sitting in my room. I'm either loudly strumming on my guitar or quietly writing in a notebook. I come to meet a holy God in faded blue jeans and a tattered t-shirt. And He comes near and inspires my songs, my words. And it is good.
Sometimes, worship happens when I'm wearing sweats and a hoodie, driving to the store. A song comes on the radio that captures my soul's attention, and I can't help but sing out in praise. And it is good.
Sometimes worship happens when I'm in a work shirt, playing with one of my preschoolers. I suddenly look into her eyes and realize that only God could make a little person like that, with such a sweet little face and a distinct personality. And I say, "Do you know who made you? God made you!" And it is good.
Sometimes worship happens when I'm in shorts and a sweaty dry-fit t-shirt, running along the pavement. I'm tired, but He is my strength. I'm too out of breath to sing along with the praise songs on my mp3 player, but my heart is rejoicing. I don't know if church can happen with just one person, but I'm not alone. The birds are singing; the butterflies are dancing; the trees are clapping their hands. There's a worship service going on out here, all right. All creation is praising the Lord.
And this is His sanctuary
It is good.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Monday Blahg: The Change in Me
They changed blogspot. My actual blog probably looks exactly the same, but I'm writing this post in a little text box that looks completely different from the old text box. There's nothing I can do about it, and I'm sure I'll adjust to the changes soon, but I still don't like it. I don't like change. That's why I haven't switched over to Timeline on Facebook yet, though I know they're going to force the change eventually. I'm just delaying it as long as humanly possible. By the time they switch me over, everyone else will already be used to Timeline, and I'll be the only one who's confused.
But that's no different from now it usually is. The fact that I'm confused will never change. That is comforting--I guess.
Change isn't my favorite thing, but there seems to be a lot of changes all around me. In fact, I think I've changed a lot recently, too. I don't know if anyone else sees it, but I feel so different than I did from just a few months ago. I think this change has been gradual, so gradual I haven't taken too much notice of it. I just feel--I don't know how to describe it. The first word that came to mind to describe the way I'm feeling is "happy," but that's not really right. I am feeling happy, except my happiness is just that--happiness. And happiness is one of those things that changes like the weather.
For instance, while I'm generally pretty happy, Saturday I had a time where I wasn't so happy. I spent the day being busy working on something for an event. I wasn't careful with time and had to rush rush rush to finish what I was doing and then rush rush rush to get to work on time. When I got there, I realized the schedule hadn't been made out correctly, and consequently I was there an hour earlier than I needed to be. I was so upset that I had rushed and stressed when I had a whole extra hour. It worked out, though. The girl I relieved just went home an hour early, and everything was fine.
Then I got an email that informed me that an event I'd been stressing about had been cancelled. I'd been working on something for this event all day, which was fun, but still really stressful. So I did all that work for pretty much nothing. I was not feeling happy at that moment. Saturday afternoon was not a happy afternoon. I called my roommate and whined to her about all of it, and then I felt better, prayed, refocused my perspective, and went back into happy mode. But happiness, while good, is not something reliable. It changes with circumstances, and (just between you and me) I'm just a little bit on the moody side. The change in me isn't something that fluctuates that much.
The second word I thought of to describe the way I'm feeling is "confident," but that's not quite right, either. Because, dude, I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm never going to be confident. Not really. I have moments where I feel good about myself, but like happiness, these moments are fleeting. For every victory I could claim that would make me feel confident (like having a good hair day, saying exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, going on a really good run), I've got about a gazbillion failures to cancel them out (my hair is usually out of control and trying to eat small children, I usually say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, and my best runs are pathetic, especially when you consider that there are people who can run marathons in much less time than it takes me to run ten miles). And even if I always looked perfect, always acted and spoke eloquently and graciously, and was good at everything, I'd still have absolutely nothing to boast about. Those who can finish 26.2 miles in about two hours are amazing, but no matter what they believe, I know God has made their bodies. He's crafted and gifted them to be crazy-fast/strong runners--while training has a lot to do with it, no amount of training can give you that kind of amazing talent. I could train for years and still never run that fast (especially for that long). And I've been gifted in writing and in music, but I can't claim credit for those things. I can work to improve the skills I have, but I didn't will myself to have the initial talent. So the things that I'm "good at" aren't reasons for me to be confident. So...confidence isn't the difference in me.
I thought about it for a while, and then I realized what it was. The answer is pretty obvious. What's the difference in me?
I'm Hopeful.
One of the characters in the first book I wrote really struggles with the concept of Hope, and this is the character I've written who is most like me. As a writer, I've really put him through a lot...his life hasn't been easy, and it's not going to get easier. I have other books planned for him in which he will grow and learn and eventually realize what Hope is. It isn't the knowledge or expectation that everything is going to turn out exactly how we want it to. It isn't the belief that everything is going to always be happy or perfect. It's the knowledge that whatever happens, everything is going to be okay. God is in control. God is working all things together for good. When our Hope is in the Lord, it doesn't matter what else happens. Circumstances can change. Happiness and confidence in self, etc. are fleeting. But God? God is faithful. He doesn't change. And the change in me, whether anyone else has seen it or not, is that I'm finally really learning to HOPE in Him.
The more I become like Him, the more I'm also becoming more of the me He has designed me to be. I really like being me. He has only made one of me, and when I look at it that way, who else would I want to be? Even with all my failures and moods and imperfections, He's working in me and through me. He's in control of all that's going on around me, no matter how much change there is. So I've got good reason to be Hopeful.
Last week:
-- I ran 11 miles (in a longer time than it took a lot of people to finish the Boston marathon). I was told by about three different people that I need to back off a little and not run so much. They say (from experience that I really should listen to) that since I'm running this long now, I'm already trained up for a half marathon. But, I'm really enjoying the running and pushing my limits. I want to actually run 13 miles before I have to run 13 miles, if that makes sense. Plus, I'm burning LOTS of calories with this much running, and that lets me eat more.
-- I played guitar some more. I really need to keep this up. I think after the half marathon, my next big plan is to work towards getting my cds recorded. I'm eating the whale of goals for 2012, one bite at a time. Or learning how to do that, anyway.
-- After the stress of Saturday, I took it easy on Sunday and watched "Johnny English Reborn" with my roommate. We both LOVE Rowan Atkinson and the first Johnny English movie. We tried to see it in theaters (yay!) and it wasn't playing around here (boo!), but I was able to get it for free from Redbox with a promo code (yay!). Great flick. It wasn't as good as the first, but it was still hilarious--and there was an extra scene during the credits that might be one of my favorite Rowan Atkinson moments everrrrr.
-- I got a little more work done on some job application stuff. I need to get my act together and finish that up. I hate doing grown up stuff. I hate change--but I really feel like it's time for something different. And I'm feeling remarkably Hopeful! The thing about Hope is that it leaves no room for fear. I'm not afraid to try, because I know that whatever happens, God is in control.
This week:
-- I will aim for 12 miles--despite the advice to back off on the running. I still have about four weeks to go, and I definitely will allow my body some good rest time as the day of the half-marathon approaches, but for now, I really want to just keep up with my own running plan.
Also, I want to apologize for blogging about running so much, but it's kind of a big deal to me. I don't promise that I'll stop blogging about running after the half-marathon on May 19, but I probably will stop blogging SO MUCH about it. The half-marathon and training is a major part of what's going on in my life right now. After I accomplish that goal, I'll try to make more time for other goals. Then blog about them until all my readers go crazy....
-- I hope to play my guitar more. I really think there's a song in the works--at least some lyrics. Music usually doesn't come as easily as the lyrics--but sometimes it all comes together in ways that completely surprises me. I can't claim credit for that, either.
-- I really hope to reread that book so I can review it--and not post another lame Fiction Friday blog. We'll see!
-- I'm going to see a display of Princess Diana's dresses with my roommate. Fashion isn't my thing, but I saw an ad for it and knew that my roommate would love it. And I am a little interested in Princess Diana's dresses--80's-90's fashion that isn't tacky!? Gasp! The tickets were cheap, and I'm really trying to do as many fun things with the roommate as humanly possible. She's moving away in just a couple months now, and I'm going to miss her terribly. More changes!
But even with all these changes, I can't ignore the change in me. I'm Hopeful. The Lord is faithful. And no matter what happens in the next few months, it's all gonna be okay. Maybe even more than okay. I'm just holding on (or letting go) and waiting to see what's coming. The Lord is so good!
Hopeful Monday!
But that's no different from now it usually is. The fact that I'm confused will never change. That is comforting--I guess.
Change isn't my favorite thing, but there seems to be a lot of changes all around me. In fact, I think I've changed a lot recently, too. I don't know if anyone else sees it, but I feel so different than I did from just a few months ago. I think this change has been gradual, so gradual I haven't taken too much notice of it. I just feel--I don't know how to describe it. The first word that came to mind to describe the way I'm feeling is "happy," but that's not really right. I am feeling happy, except my happiness is just that--happiness. And happiness is one of those things that changes like the weather.
For instance, while I'm generally pretty happy, Saturday I had a time where I wasn't so happy. I spent the day being busy working on something for an event. I wasn't careful with time and had to rush rush rush to finish what I was doing and then rush rush rush to get to work on time. When I got there, I realized the schedule hadn't been made out correctly, and consequently I was there an hour earlier than I needed to be. I was so upset that I had rushed and stressed when I had a whole extra hour. It worked out, though. The girl I relieved just went home an hour early, and everything was fine.
Then I got an email that informed me that an event I'd been stressing about had been cancelled. I'd been working on something for this event all day, which was fun, but still really stressful. So I did all that work for pretty much nothing. I was not feeling happy at that moment. Saturday afternoon was not a happy afternoon. I called my roommate and whined to her about all of it, and then I felt better, prayed, refocused my perspective, and went back into happy mode. But happiness, while good, is not something reliable. It changes with circumstances, and (just between you and me) I'm just a little bit on the moody side. The change in me isn't something that fluctuates that much.
The second word I thought of to describe the way I'm feeling is "confident," but that's not quite right, either. Because, dude, I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm never going to be confident. Not really. I have moments where I feel good about myself, but like happiness, these moments are fleeting. For every victory I could claim that would make me feel confident (like having a good hair day, saying exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, going on a really good run), I've got about a gazbillion failures to cancel them out (my hair is usually out of control and trying to eat small children, I usually say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, and my best runs are pathetic, especially when you consider that there are people who can run marathons in much less time than it takes me to run ten miles). And even if I always looked perfect, always acted and spoke eloquently and graciously, and was good at everything, I'd still have absolutely nothing to boast about. Those who can finish 26.2 miles in about two hours are amazing, but no matter what they believe, I know God has made their bodies. He's crafted and gifted them to be crazy-fast/strong runners--while training has a lot to do with it, no amount of training can give you that kind of amazing talent. I could train for years and still never run that fast (especially for that long). And I've been gifted in writing and in music, but I can't claim credit for those things. I can work to improve the skills I have, but I didn't will myself to have the initial talent. So the things that I'm "good at" aren't reasons for me to be confident. So...confidence isn't the difference in me.
I thought about it for a while, and then I realized what it was. The answer is pretty obvious. What's the difference in me?
I'm Hopeful.
One of the characters in the first book I wrote really struggles with the concept of Hope, and this is the character I've written who is most like me. As a writer, I've really put him through a lot...his life hasn't been easy, and it's not going to get easier. I have other books planned for him in which he will grow and learn and eventually realize what Hope is. It isn't the knowledge or expectation that everything is going to turn out exactly how we want it to. It isn't the belief that everything is going to always be happy or perfect. It's the knowledge that whatever happens, everything is going to be okay. God is in control. God is working all things together for good. When our Hope is in the Lord, it doesn't matter what else happens. Circumstances can change. Happiness and confidence in self, etc. are fleeting. But God? God is faithful. He doesn't change. And the change in me, whether anyone else has seen it or not, is that I'm finally really learning to HOPE in Him.
The more I become like Him, the more I'm also becoming more of the me He has designed me to be. I really like being me. He has only made one of me, and when I look at it that way, who else would I want to be? Even with all my failures and moods and imperfections, He's working in me and through me. He's in control of all that's going on around me, no matter how much change there is. So I've got good reason to be Hopeful.
Last week:
-- I ran 11 miles (in a longer time than it took a lot of people to finish the Boston marathon). I was told by about three different people that I need to back off a little and not run so much. They say (from experience that I really should listen to) that since I'm running this long now, I'm already trained up for a half marathon. But, I'm really enjoying the running and pushing my limits. I want to actually run 13 miles before I have to run 13 miles, if that makes sense. Plus, I'm burning LOTS of calories with this much running, and that lets me eat more.
-- I played guitar some more. I really need to keep this up. I think after the half marathon, my next big plan is to work towards getting my cds recorded. I'm eating the whale of goals for 2012, one bite at a time. Or learning how to do that, anyway.
-- After the stress of Saturday, I took it easy on Sunday and watched "Johnny English Reborn" with my roommate. We both LOVE Rowan Atkinson and the first Johnny English movie. We tried to see it in theaters (yay!) and it wasn't playing around here (boo!), but I was able to get it for free from Redbox with a promo code (yay!). Great flick. It wasn't as good as the first, but it was still hilarious--and there was an extra scene during the credits that might be one of my favorite Rowan Atkinson moments everrrrr.
-- I got a little more work done on some job application stuff. I need to get my act together and finish that up. I hate doing grown up stuff. I hate change--but I really feel like it's time for something different. And I'm feeling remarkably Hopeful! The thing about Hope is that it leaves no room for fear. I'm not afraid to try, because I know that whatever happens, God is in control.
This week:
-- I will aim for 12 miles--despite the advice to back off on the running. I still have about four weeks to go, and I definitely will allow my body some good rest time as the day of the half-marathon approaches, but for now, I really want to just keep up with my own running plan.
Also, I want to apologize for blogging about running so much, but it's kind of a big deal to me. I don't promise that I'll stop blogging about running after the half-marathon on May 19, but I probably will stop blogging SO MUCH about it. The half-marathon and training is a major part of what's going on in my life right now. After I accomplish that goal, I'll try to make more time for other goals. Then blog about them until all my readers go crazy....
-- I hope to play my guitar more. I really think there's a song in the works--at least some lyrics. Music usually doesn't come as easily as the lyrics--but sometimes it all comes together in ways that completely surprises me. I can't claim credit for that, either.
-- I really hope to reread that book so I can review it--and not post another lame Fiction Friday blog. We'll see!
-- I'm going to see a display of Princess Diana's dresses with my roommate. Fashion isn't my thing, but I saw an ad for it and knew that my roommate would love it. And I am a little interested in Princess Diana's dresses--80's-90's fashion that isn't tacky!? Gasp! The tickets were cheap, and I'm really trying to do as many fun things with the roommate as humanly possible. She's moving away in just a couple months now, and I'm going to miss her terribly. More changes!
But even with all these changes, I can't ignore the change in me. I'm Hopeful. The Lord is faithful. And no matter what happens in the next few months, it's all gonna be okay. Maybe even more than okay. I'm just holding on (or letting go) and waiting to see what's coming. The Lord is so good!
Hopeful Monday!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Fiction Friday: Lame Lists
I've had a busy week and haven't had time to reread a book I had planned to review for Fiction Friday. Instead, I'm just going to post some of my favorite literary things. Lame? Yes.
Sorry.
Five Top Favorite Book Series:
1. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
-Fave book from the series: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
2. The Time Quartet by Madeleine L'Engle
-Fave book from the series (and favorite novel in general): A Wrinkle in Time
3. Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
-Fave book from the series: The Return of the King
4. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
-Fave book from the series: either The Prisoner of Azkaban or The Half-Blood Prince. I think.
5. The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander
-Fave book from the series: Taran Wanderer
Honorable Mentions: The Hunger Games books by Suzanne Collins, Anne of Green Gables books by L. M. Montgomery, "Austin Family" books by Madeleine L'Engle, Ramona books by Beverly Cleary, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books by Douglas Adams, Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis, Winnie-the-Pooh books by A. A. Milne
Top Five Film Adaptations of Novels:
1. The Princess Bride, novel AND screenplay by William Goldman
2. The Return of the King, novel by J. R. R. Tolkien
3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, novel by J. K. Rowling
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, novel (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) by Roald Dahl
5. Jurassic Park, novel by Michael Chriton
Honorable Mentions: Ramona and Beezus, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (both parts), Water for Elephants, 10 Things I Hate About You
Five LEAST FAVORITE Film Adaptations
1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, novel by J. K. Rowling, film by morons
2. A Wrinkle in Time, novel by Madeleine L'Engle, film by malicious beings intent on mutilating one of the greatest works of fiction of all time
3. Eragon, novel by Christopher Paolini, film by people who didn't seem to realize this would have made a brilliant SERIES of movies
4. 2010: The Year We Make Contact, novel (2010: Odyssey Two) by Arthur C. Clarke, film by people who probably thought it was a good idea at the time
5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005 version), novel by Douglas Adams, film by people who were brilliant enough to cast Zooey Deschanel and Alan Rickman, yet who still just don't seem to get it
Dishonorable Mention: Twilight
Five Film Adaptations that were vastly different from the books, yet, IMO, still highly enjoyable:
1. Pollyanna, novel by Elanor Porter, film by Disney
2. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, novel by Victor Hugo, film by Disney
3. The Sword and the Stone, novel by T. H. White, film by Disney
4. Mary Poppins, novel by P. L. Travers, film by Disney
5. The Black Cauldron, novel (mashup of The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron) by Lloyd Alexander, film by Disney (I'm totally seeing a theme here)
Honorable mentions: Alice in Wonderland, The Three Musketeers, and The Jungle Book. All wonderfully screwed up by Disney.
Top Five Fictional Characters (that I didn't invent)
1. Meg Murray from A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
2. Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
3. Lucy Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
4. Vicky Austin from A Ring of Endless Light (etc.) by Madeleine L'Engle
5. Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
Honorable Mentions: Eeyore, (I'm ashamed to admit it--okay, so I'm not) Peeta Mellark, Anne Shirley/Blythe, Puddleglum, Inigo Montoya, Taran
Top Five Dead Writers
1. Madeleine L'Engle
2. C. S. Lewis
3. Lloyd Alexander
4. J. R. R. Tolkien
5. Alfred Lord Tennyson
Honorable Mentions: Douglas Adams, L. M. Montgomery, A. A. Milne, Kenneth Grahame, Beatrix Potter, Shel Silversteen, Roald Dahl
Top Five Writers Who Are Still Alive:
1. J. K. Rowling
2. Suzanne Collins
3. William Goldman
4. Beverly Cleary
5. Tie among several authors who wrote books I loved as a kid (and as an adult): Katherine Paterson, Jerry Spinelli, Louis Sachar, Judy Blume, James Howe, Caroline B. Cooney, etc.
Honorable Mentions: Homer Hickman, Lemony Snicket
Thanks for reading this drudgery. Please now feel the need to bombard my comments with all of your favorite and least favorite things, and I'll promise to read them.
Again, I am sorry for this boring blog of lame lists. Please accept my apology and this lame picture of me holding the book with my least favorite title:
Sorry.
Five Top Favorite Book Series:
1. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
-Fave book from the series: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
2. The Time Quartet by Madeleine L'Engle
-Fave book from the series (and favorite novel in general): A Wrinkle in Time
3. Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
-Fave book from the series: The Return of the King
4. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
-Fave book from the series: either The Prisoner of Azkaban or The Half-Blood Prince. I think.
5. The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander
-Fave book from the series: Taran Wanderer
Honorable Mentions: The Hunger Games books by Suzanne Collins, Anne of Green Gables books by L. M. Montgomery, "Austin Family" books by Madeleine L'Engle, Ramona books by Beverly Cleary, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books by Douglas Adams, Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis, Winnie-the-Pooh books by A. A. Milne
Top Five Film Adaptations of Novels:
1. The Princess Bride, novel AND screenplay by William Goldman
2. The Return of the King, novel by J. R. R. Tolkien
3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, novel by J. K. Rowling
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, novel (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) by Roald Dahl
5. Jurassic Park, novel by Michael Chriton
Honorable Mentions: Ramona and Beezus, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (both parts), Water for Elephants, 10 Things I Hate About You
Five LEAST FAVORITE Film Adaptations
1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, novel by J. K. Rowling, film by morons
2. A Wrinkle in Time, novel by Madeleine L'Engle, film by malicious beings intent on mutilating one of the greatest works of fiction of all time
3. Eragon, novel by Christopher Paolini, film by people who didn't seem to realize this would have made a brilliant SERIES of movies
4. 2010: The Year We Make Contact, novel (2010: Odyssey Two) by Arthur C. Clarke, film by people who probably thought it was a good idea at the time
5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005 version), novel by Douglas Adams, film by people who were brilliant enough to cast Zooey Deschanel and Alan Rickman, yet who still just don't seem to get it
Dishonorable Mention: Twilight
Five Film Adaptations that were vastly different from the books, yet, IMO, still highly enjoyable:
1. Pollyanna, novel by Elanor Porter, film by Disney
2. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, novel by Victor Hugo, film by Disney
3. The Sword and the Stone, novel by T. H. White, film by Disney
4. Mary Poppins, novel by P. L. Travers, film by Disney
5. The Black Cauldron, novel (mashup of The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron) by Lloyd Alexander, film by Disney (I'm totally seeing a theme here)
Honorable mentions: Alice in Wonderland, The Three Musketeers, and The Jungle Book. All wonderfully screwed up by Disney.
Top Five Fictional Characters (that I didn't invent)
1. Meg Murray from A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
2. Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
3. Lucy Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
4. Vicky Austin from A Ring of Endless Light (etc.) by Madeleine L'Engle
5. Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
Honorable Mentions: Eeyore, (I'm ashamed to admit it--okay, so I'm not) Peeta Mellark, Anne Shirley/Blythe, Puddleglum, Inigo Montoya, Taran
Top Five Dead Writers
1. Madeleine L'Engle
2. C. S. Lewis
3. Lloyd Alexander
4. J. R. R. Tolkien
5. Alfred Lord Tennyson
Honorable Mentions: Douglas Adams, L. M. Montgomery, A. A. Milne, Kenneth Grahame, Beatrix Potter, Shel Silversteen, Roald Dahl
Top Five Writers Who Are Still Alive:
1. J. K. Rowling
2. Suzanne Collins
3. William Goldman
4. Beverly Cleary
5. Tie among several authors who wrote books I loved as a kid (and as an adult): Katherine Paterson, Jerry Spinelli, Louis Sachar, Judy Blume, James Howe, Caroline B. Cooney, etc.
Honorable Mentions: Homer Hickman, Lemony Snicket
Thanks for reading this drudgery. Please now feel the need to bombard my comments with all of your favorite and least favorite things, and I'll promise to read them.
Again, I am sorry for this boring blog of lame lists. Please accept my apology and this lame picture of me holding the book with my least favorite title:
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Stones
“John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.” –Luke 3:7-8
“Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, rebuke your disciples!’
‘I tell you,’ He replied, ‘if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.’” Luke 19:39-40
A couple of years ago, I bought a Betta fish and named her Julie Andrews. Poor Jules didn’t survive the first night. So the next day, I took Julie Andrew’s fishy little corpse back to Pet Smart and traded her in for Johnny Depp (AKA Betta Version Beta). Johnny did not make it through the week. I took his fishy little corpse back to Pet Smart and got my money back. I was done with grieving dead celebrity-named fish. In fact, after that, I strongly considered just getting a pet rock. It’s hard to kill something that’s never been alive.
It doesn’t get much more lifeless than a rock.
I’ve spent a lot of time outdoors lately, so I’ve seen a lot of rocks. They sit there, looking…rocky. They’re nice to look at sometimes, but they don’t do anything. The rest of nature? It’s alive! Puffy clouds catch the sunlight, looking so peaceful and perfect as they float in the blue, blue sky. Large birds soar overhead, while little birds flitter from tree to tree. Squirrels rush around acting squirrelly. Flowers sway in the breeze, painting the green grass with tiny bursts of color and beauty. Butterflies and bumblebees dance from flower to flower, chasing the wind, enjoying the wonder of being alive, just doing what they were created to do.
Nature is alive with praise.
All living things have been given God’s breath—the birds and bees and even the squirrelly squirrels are praising God just by doing the simple things they’re created to do. They don’t have too much of a choice about it. They do what they do because God has made them the way He has made them. They praise God just by being alive.
But we do have a choice.
I forget sometimes what a privilege it is to even be able to praise the Lord. I have the breath of God inside of me. Without it? I’m nothing more than dust—as lifeless as a rock. Sometimes I squander that precious breath on such trivial things—things meant to build up my pathetic kingdom instead of God’s Kingdom.
Other times, I forget a very simple truth and start allowing myself to believe a very tricky lie. I allow myself to believe that God needs me, that I’m something special, that I have to do things because I’m important to the work God is doing.
But God doesn’t need me.
And God doesn’t need you.
If we chose not to praise God, or if we fail in our attempts to serve God, God would not cease to be God. God doesn’t need us to be His servants, and He doesn’t need us to praise Him. He doesn’t need anything. But if God needed servants or needed praises, He could raise servants and worshippers out of the rocks. The lifeless rocks.
God doesn’t need praise. He desires it and is worthy of it because of who He is. And we were created not because God had a need for us, but because He desires us. He doesn’t need us; He’s chosen us. He wants us. He LOVES us. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s a lot better to be loved than to be needed. It changes my perspective. I don’t have to be great and constantly fight to maintain my own greatness. God isn’t going to love me any more or any less whether I succeed or fail. He just loves me—without degree or condition—and that love doesn’t change depending on what I do. God doesn’t love me because I’m something amazing; He loves me because He’s something amazing. …and the awesome thing is that through His amazing love, I too become amazing. God doesn't change, but through Him, I am changed. He's constantly working on me and in me to make me more like Him.
I started out as dust, as lifeless as a rock. That humbles me. It also helps me realize how wonderful God is.
He is able to give life to nothingness. He has given us His breath, made us in His image to glorify Him. We have a spark of His awareness and creativity inside of us. Out of all creatures, He has given humanity the ability to choose whether or not we will serve and praise Him. Out of all creatures, He’s offered us the choice to come and work alongside Him—not because we’re needed, but because He’s gracious enough to offer such a grand and glorious thing.
I’m thankful for His faithfulness. I’m thankful for His conviction. I’m thankful for the beauty of nature and the ability to see His hand in all of it. I’m thankful that He has given me life, inspiring the dust to move and live and breathe for His glory. I’m thankful for the power that is able to raise worshippers from stones, for the power that is able to roll stones away from graves, and for the fact that this power is at work in me.
I’m grateful for the Living Rock that makes all other life possible. If Abraham’s children are raised from the stones, I pray I might join their number. If the rocks cry out, I pray I might join their songs of praise.
He is worthy.
And I’m just humbled and amazed that One so mighty would want me for His child.
“Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, rebuke your disciples!’
‘I tell you,’ He replied, ‘if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.’” Luke 19:39-40
A couple of years ago, I bought a Betta fish and named her Julie Andrews. Poor Jules didn’t survive the first night. So the next day, I took Julie Andrew’s fishy little corpse back to Pet Smart and traded her in for Johnny Depp (AKA Betta Version Beta). Johnny did not make it through the week. I took his fishy little corpse back to Pet Smart and got my money back. I was done with grieving dead celebrity-named fish. In fact, after that, I strongly considered just getting a pet rock. It’s hard to kill something that’s never been alive.
It doesn’t get much more lifeless than a rock.
I’ve spent a lot of time outdoors lately, so I’ve seen a lot of rocks. They sit there, looking…rocky. They’re nice to look at sometimes, but they don’t do anything. The rest of nature? It’s alive! Puffy clouds catch the sunlight, looking so peaceful and perfect as they float in the blue, blue sky. Large birds soar overhead, while little birds flitter from tree to tree. Squirrels rush around acting squirrelly. Flowers sway in the breeze, painting the green grass with tiny bursts of color and beauty. Butterflies and bumblebees dance from flower to flower, chasing the wind, enjoying the wonder of being alive, just doing what they were created to do.
Nature is alive with praise.
All living things have been given God’s breath—the birds and bees and even the squirrelly squirrels are praising God just by doing the simple things they’re created to do. They don’t have too much of a choice about it. They do what they do because God has made them the way He has made them. They praise God just by being alive.
But we do have a choice.
I forget sometimes what a privilege it is to even be able to praise the Lord. I have the breath of God inside of me. Without it? I’m nothing more than dust—as lifeless as a rock. Sometimes I squander that precious breath on such trivial things—things meant to build up my pathetic kingdom instead of God’s Kingdom.
Other times, I forget a very simple truth and start allowing myself to believe a very tricky lie. I allow myself to believe that God needs me, that I’m something special, that I have to do things because I’m important to the work God is doing.
But God doesn’t need me.
And God doesn’t need you.
If we chose not to praise God, or if we fail in our attempts to serve God, God would not cease to be God. God doesn’t need us to be His servants, and He doesn’t need us to praise Him. He doesn’t need anything. But if God needed servants or needed praises, He could raise servants and worshippers out of the rocks. The lifeless rocks.
God doesn’t need praise. He desires it and is worthy of it because of who He is. And we were created not because God had a need for us, but because He desires us. He doesn’t need us; He’s chosen us. He wants us. He LOVES us. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s a lot better to be loved than to be needed. It changes my perspective. I don’t have to be great and constantly fight to maintain my own greatness. God isn’t going to love me any more or any less whether I succeed or fail. He just loves me—without degree or condition—and that love doesn’t change depending on what I do. God doesn’t love me because I’m something amazing; He loves me because He’s something amazing. …and the awesome thing is that through His amazing love, I too become amazing. God doesn't change, but through Him, I am changed. He's constantly working on me and in me to make me more like Him.
I started out as dust, as lifeless as a rock. That humbles me. It also helps me realize how wonderful God is.
He is able to give life to nothingness. He has given us His breath, made us in His image to glorify Him. We have a spark of His awareness and creativity inside of us. Out of all creatures, He has given humanity the ability to choose whether or not we will serve and praise Him. Out of all creatures, He’s offered us the choice to come and work alongside Him—not because we’re needed, but because He’s gracious enough to offer such a grand and glorious thing.
I’m thankful for His faithfulness. I’m thankful for His conviction. I’m thankful for the beauty of nature and the ability to see His hand in all of it. I’m thankful that He has given me life, inspiring the dust to move and live and breathe for His glory. I’m thankful for the power that is able to raise worshippers from stones, for the power that is able to roll stones away from graves, and for the fact that this power is at work in me.
I’m grateful for the Living Rock that makes all other life possible. If Abraham’s children are raised from the stones, I pray I might join their number. If the rocks cry out, I pray I might join their songs of praise.
He is worthy.
And I’m just humbled and amazed that One so mighty would want me for His child.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monday Blahg: Let Me Sum Up
I'm going to try to make this quick. I'm tired. Here's how last week went.
-- Ran a little over 11 miles all at one time. It was an amazing time of worship. I think I finally hit my "runner's high." I think my "runner's high" involves sobbing. I have to work really hard to control my sobs because running and sobbing don't mix well. Running and sobbing don't mix well because sobbing and breathing don't mix well. Running and breathing? They mix much more better, yes.
--Ran in the Quintiles Girls on the Run 10th Annual 5K. Last year's race was the first 5K I'd ever run (I'd walked one other one before that). It was the one I originally started training for, the race that eventually caused me to enjoy running. I thought about wearing my Second Wind shirt, but since my race registration was free because Right Time Kids (one of my employers) was sponsoring the race, I thought it best to represent them. But just because my shirt didn't have Isaiah 40:31 posted on the back, that doesn't mean my hope wasn't in the Lord. The Lord has worked all these circumstances together to shape me into who I am now. I'm still very much in awe of all that He's done to change me physically, mentally, and Spiritually in the past year--and running has been a HUGE part of that transformation. I'm not a fast runner. I ran this 5K in 32:38--which was my fastest 5K time yet. And that's not a fast time. Little girls were passing me like I was barely even moving (I'm like a turtle--slow, but cute). But running isn't a time for me to display my awesome athletic ability, because I don't happen to have any of that. Every time I run, the Lord is revealing His strength in my weakness, giving strength to the powerless, renewing my strength. My hope is in Him, and I can boast in my weakness because He is my strength.
--I received three pairs of new socks this week. New socks are a pretty big deal to me. One pair was even argyle!
--Played the guitar. Twice. Realize how horribly I stink at it. I enjoy it anyway. Good worship.
--Finished reading a book. Not sure what I'm going to read next. I need to reread a book for a review, so maybe that. ...or Blue Like Jazz, since the movie is out and everyone is talking about it again. I tried reading it once and never got into it, but I still own it. It's been sitting on my bookshelf shooting me plaintive looks for over three years....
--I ate way too much food. I was feeling really convicted about it Saturday night, but then I pigged out again on Sunday. Hopefully I'll stop being a glutton this week. It seems like something so minor--especially when I'm burning off so many calories with my half marathon training, but it's not a calorie issue. I'm eating junk food when I'm not at all hungry, and it's gotten out of control. And the Lord is good enough to have convicted me about it. It seems so small, but God is too holy to allow even seemingly small things to slip by. I've been using food for fulfillment--even if just a little. And when I'm seeking fulfillment in ANYTHING besides God, that thing is my idol. And that's just not good enough. So I'll be trying to get back on track this week--reminding myself that my hope is ONLY in the Lord. I'm grateful the Lord is good enough to show me even the failures that seem innocent.
This week:
--Hopefully will eat better--in ways that nourish my body and fuel it....
--...because I'm aiming for another 11 mile run this week.
--Yeah...I'd better reread that book I need to review so I have something to blog about on Fiction Friday. Lol.
--Figure out some financial/job/grown up type stuff. I'm a slacker.
--Really try to put my hope in the Lord (and only in the Lord) in all circumstances. It's hard.
I'm glad He gives us grace.
Happy Monday!
-- Ran a little over 11 miles all at one time. It was an amazing time of worship. I think I finally hit my "runner's high." I think my "runner's high" involves sobbing. I have to work really hard to control my sobs because running and sobbing don't mix well. Running and sobbing don't mix well because sobbing and breathing don't mix well. Running and breathing? They mix much more better, yes.
--Ran in the Quintiles Girls on the Run 10th Annual 5K. Last year's race was the first 5K I'd ever run (I'd walked one other one before that). It was the one I originally started training for, the race that eventually caused me to enjoy running. I thought about wearing my Second Wind shirt, but since my race registration was free because Right Time Kids (one of my employers) was sponsoring the race, I thought it best to represent them. But just because my shirt didn't have Isaiah 40:31 posted on the back, that doesn't mean my hope wasn't in the Lord. The Lord has worked all these circumstances together to shape me into who I am now. I'm still very much in awe of all that He's done to change me physically, mentally, and Spiritually in the past year--and running has been a HUGE part of that transformation. I'm not a fast runner. I ran this 5K in 32:38--which was my fastest 5K time yet. And that's not a fast time. Little girls were passing me like I was barely even moving (I'm like a turtle--slow, but cute). But running isn't a time for me to display my awesome athletic ability, because I don't happen to have any of that. Every time I run, the Lord is revealing His strength in my weakness, giving strength to the powerless, renewing my strength. My hope is in Him, and I can boast in my weakness because He is my strength.
--I received three pairs of new socks this week. New socks are a pretty big deal to me. One pair was even argyle!
--Played the guitar. Twice. Realize how horribly I stink at it. I enjoy it anyway. Good worship.
--Finished reading a book. Not sure what I'm going to read next. I need to reread a book for a review, so maybe that. ...or Blue Like Jazz, since the movie is out and everyone is talking about it again. I tried reading it once and never got into it, but I still own it. It's been sitting on my bookshelf shooting me plaintive looks for over three years....
--I ate way too much food. I was feeling really convicted about it Saturday night, but then I pigged out again on Sunday. Hopefully I'll stop being a glutton this week. It seems like something so minor--especially when I'm burning off so many calories with my half marathon training, but it's not a calorie issue. I'm eating junk food when I'm not at all hungry, and it's gotten out of control. And the Lord is good enough to have convicted me about it. It seems so small, but God is too holy to allow even seemingly small things to slip by. I've been using food for fulfillment--even if just a little. And when I'm seeking fulfillment in ANYTHING besides God, that thing is my idol. And that's just not good enough. So I'll be trying to get back on track this week--reminding myself that my hope is ONLY in the Lord. I'm grateful the Lord is good enough to show me even the failures that seem innocent.
This week:
--Hopefully will eat better--in ways that nourish my body and fuel it....
--...because I'm aiming for another 11 mile run this week.
--Yeah...I'd better reread that book I need to review so I have something to blog about on Fiction Friday. Lol.
--Figure out some financial/job/grown up type stuff. I'm a slacker.
--Really try to put my hope in the Lord (and only in the Lord) in all circumstances. It's hard.
I'm glad He gives us grace.
Happy Monday!
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