Chosen

One of the biggest issues I've had with my own writing is not knowing whether or not I want to be identified as a Christian writer.  I am a Christian.  I am a writer.  That doesn't automatically make me a "Christian writer."

When I first started getting serious about writing books, I absolutely knew I did NOT want to be known as a Christian writer.  It's mainly because I've not read a whole lot of good Christian fiction, but also because I really have reservations about writing books that probably only Christians will read.  I've read some decent Christian fiction in the last few months, and I've given some thought to what I want to do.  I haven't come to any solid conclusions...because as you might have gathered, I'm just a TAD bit indecisive.

The thing is, I am starting to think I won't have to make a decision.  I can't seem to help keeping my Christian ideals out of my writing.  Some writers who are Christians don't have a problem with this.  They can keep their writing lives separate from their beliefs, and I can't judge them at all for it.  In fact, I'm a little jealous.  It must be nice to just be able to separate writing from life like that.  I'm not able to do it...and I know I'd be doing something detrimental to my writing if I tried. 

I am not one of those Christians who can tell you the exact day I became a Christian.  I can't tell you exactly how old I was.  I can't tell even really talk about what my life was like before Christ, because as long as I remember, the Lord has been pursuing me.  I do know that I originally wanted to be a Christian because I was afraid of hell.  That's a pretty lame reason, but God used that to eventually build a strong faith that isn't just a part of my life.  It is my life.  That's not to say I'm perfect or always make decisions based on what I think God wants me to do.  I fail.  I fail a LOT.  But I can't deny His constant presence guiding everything in my life--including my writing.

I'm not a "five point Calvinist."  I'm not sold on this predestination stuff.  But as far as I'm concerned, I think He's chosen me.  I know the Lord has wanted me since childhood.  It's not because I'm good or worthy.  In fact, the Lord knows better than I do that I'm a weak, foolish, cowardly sinner who's only able to do anything good because of the goodness He's done in me.  I'm not all that useful, but He wants to use me anyway.  I don't know why.  I don't know why He has chased me so hard or given me so much, but I know that because He has, much is expected of me. 

That's not why I think that I'm going to end up being a Christian writer.  I'm not trying to give something back.  I'm not trying to be anything.  I just am what I am.  And I think what I am is...a Christian writer.

Sometimes, I have to make a choice.  Sometimes, it chooses me.  I think I'm going to end up being a Christian writer because I don't really have the choice to be anything else.  I think every time I put pen to paper, something "me-breathed" is going to come out.  And because God is so present in my life, that "me-breathed" stuff is going to be a reflection of God's breath.

I just pray they're not all poor reflections.