The Power of Not-Always-So-Exasperatingly-Positive Thinking

The other day while I was watching children, one of them came running up to me in "Tattle Mode."  I hate "Tattle Mode."  The part of my brain that has worked with children for 13 years, that has been to workshops and training seminars and such, well it understands that sometimes children can't see past themselves, and therefore interpret any action exercised by another person, however minor or innocent, is something done against THEM.  Then there's the part of my brain that just thinks the kid in "Tattle Mode" is just being a short little jerk.

It's particularly hard to be patient after the fifteenth ridiculous tattle (i.e. that boy just scratched his head, or that girl just sneezed without saying excuse me).  But sometimes, sometimes there are tattles so ridiculous that it just makes me want to reconsider my entire career and go become a Forest Ranger.

Little girl in "Tattle Mode" rushed up to me and declared, with much urgency, "That boy just told me that cheetahs are REAL."

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Oh, tattles like that make Baby Jesus cry.

After a brief facepalm, I calmly explained to Tattle Girl that the boy she was tattling on hadn't done anything wrong, since, well, cheetahs do have the tendency to be real.  She replied, "No.  They aren't.  They aren't real.  Cheetahs scare me.  Things that scare me aren't real.  So cheetahs aren't real."

That's it.  I'm off to Forest Ranger school.

Actually, I found Tattlin' Tina (that's what I've decided to name her) to be unintentionally profound, because the more I thought about what she said, the more I realize that there are a lot of grown ups who think the way that she does.  And there are probably even some grown ups who would praise her logic.

There are probably adults who would say, "Oh, but she's saying that her fears don't exist, and so she's overcoming them!  That's bravery."  And I guess I can see what they're trying to do.  I am just far too literal minded, and children are literal minded, and so I don't think that Tattlin' Tina is being brave.  I think she might even be the opposite of brave.  She's either taken something a well-meaning adult has told her to the extreme (i.e. an adult told her that she shouldn't be afraid of ghosts or something that ISN'T real, and she interpreted that to mean anything she's afraid of isn't real), or she has learned to lie to herself.

Given Tattlin' Tina's tendency to misinterpret reality, I'm kind of going with the latter.  She's learned to lie to herself.  If something scares her, it isn't real.  And if someone tries to tell her a truth she doesn't want to hear (i.e. the boy who said cheetahs are real), it upsets her enough to feel the need to tattle.

I know a lot of adults like that.

As a realist, I get a bad rap.  I've blogged a lot about that lately.  The thing is, the so-called Donnie and Debbie Downers of the world aren't always being as down as some might believe.  Are there people who go around complaining and painting every situation in the saddest light possible?  Yes.  Yes there are.

But then there are people who just speak the truth and have to figuratively pay hell for it.

Sometimes, it's something really simple.  I could just say, "It looks like it will rain" or "My throat is starting to hurt a little" and get called a complainer.  For years, I used to think something was wrong with me when people called me a complainer for saying things like that.  But the thing is, I wasn't always complaining.  It's not necessarily a complaint to just point out a truth.  If it looks like it will rain, it's not necessarily a complaint to point it out.  If my throat is hurting (and I just state the fact without moaning and groaning about it), it's not necessarily a complaint to just state a fact and ask if anyone has any cough drops.

This is especially irritating when someone actually asks me how I'm doing, and I reply back with an honest answer, such as "I'm tired," or "My back hurts a little," and then I'm accused of complaining.  I understand that most of the time, people just ask how you are to be polite or as a greeting, but, as I said: I'm literal minded.  If you ask me how I am, I might just tell you.  And sometimes the answer might be "Fine," because I might be fine.  Sometimes, however, I might not be fine.  And I might tell you how I'm really doing if I'm not fine.  My thought is, if you asked, then let me answer.  And don't get upset if the answer wasn't what you wanted or expected.

Also, and this might be a bit of a surprise to some, but I've got a bit of a sarcastic streak.  No.  Really.

(See what I did there?)

And I get it that sarcasm isn't everyone's love language, okay?  Not everyone gets the humor.  But sometimes, I'm being sarcastically hilarious, and some Positive Peter or Polly decides to ruin the joke by telling me to stop complaining.  I'm sorry...but if you can't take a joke, then who's the one being negative?  I'm not at ALL condoning sarcasm that hurts people or cruel jokes at the expense of others, but sometimes things are darkly funny.  And, I'm telling you Positive Pete and Polly (can I call you P.P.?), it's okay to laugh.

The thing is, like with Tattlin' Tina, there are some people who just can't seem to tolerate anything that's not over-the-top positive, whether it's an actual complaint, sarcasm, or just a simple statement of fact.  I guess I can see why.  There is a lot of complaining in this world.  You can't find a restaurant or movie theater or anything that doesn't have at least a couple of really horrible Yelp reviews.  I've read some bad reviews for some great places, and those same places have very few good reviews.  It's not always because the places are bad.  It's because people like to complain about something more than they like to say something good about it.  So don't hear me wrong and say I don't think it's okay to be positive.  I think that sometimes we need to be more positive.  I just think that some people over-correct and become super-duper ultra uber positive to the point that they can't handle a neutral comment, loving criticism, or a gentle rebuke.

A while ago, I went to see a movie with some friends, and after the movie I wanted to talk about some of the things that really bothered me.  These were fairly important issues, as the movie in question was geared towards tweenage girls, and one of the main characters was rewarded for some inappropriate behavior.  I thought the protagonist was a poor role model for tweenage girls, and I said so.  Before I even really began my argument, one of my friends stopped me and said, "Can't you just enjoy a movie without being so critical?"

No.  No I can't.  Because that's not the way my mind works.  But there is a huge difference between being critical and being negative.  And I'm a little afraid for a world that doesn't seem to be able to handle thoughtful criticism.

I've struggled just a little bit in the writing/publishing world, and part of me just wants to throw the towel in before I struggle anymore.  Part of me doesn't even want to bother because there are so many politics involved even in the publishing industry.  I've discussed in writing forums and online groups and such about the dangers of book reviews.  If you want to be published and you write book reviews, it's incredibly dangerous to give a book a bad review.  You risk offending the wrong person, be it agent or editor or publisher or whoever.  And the whole thing seems so dishonest to my realistic, literal mind that I just want to go be a Forest Ranger.  It's sad to me that people can't just be honest without risk.  But then, being honest has always been a pretty risky thing.

I'm just going to touch on this a little--because we live in a world that's so tolerantly intolerant.  It's okay to believe whatever you want, as long as you don't disagree with anyone.  That's why you can't give someone a loving rebuke when they're doing something wrong.  If you are, then you're being intolerant.  You're being negative and judgmental, just for trying to speak the truth.  And all I'm going to say about that is that if people who speak the truth today have to pay figurative hell for their truth-telling, then at least we can be comforted that Jesus paid literal hell for doing the same thing.

That's all I'm going to say about that.  For now.

But I have a problem with the Tattlin' Tina's of the world.

In Tattlin' Tina's world, it's impossible for there to be anything that frightens her.  Some people might actually applaud that and say she's being courageous for overcoming her fears.  But I don't see her overcoming her fears.  She's just denying them and pretending they aren't there.  That's actually cowardice, not bravery.  And Tattlin' Tina is just a five-year-old girl.  And I think it's just a phase (I hope it's just a phase), but if she doesn't grow out of that mindset, she's going to have a pretty rude awakening one day.  ...like when she visits the zoo.

But for those of us who aren't five years old anymore, maybe it's time we stop pretending cheetahs aren't real.

And I've decided that I might just want to be a Zookeeper instead.

Ficton Friday: Is This Real Life?

I forgot it was Friday.  I forgot I was supposed to write a blog.  So it's almost 11 pm, but that's still technically Friday, so I guess I'm still okay as long as I get this thing out before midnight!

I was watching a movie tonight (when I was supposed to be writing a blog).  It's probably my second favorite movie.  Shadowlands.  It's a movie based on the later life of C. S. Lewis, when he met and married Joy Gresham.  I love this movie 1) because it's about C. S. Lewis, 2) because it explores a lot of themes I appreciate--like pain, love, life, grief, and honesty (to name a few), 3) because it has amazing lines, amazing acting, amazing directing, and UH-MAY-ZING music, and 4) because it's a really sweet love story. 

But despite the words "This is a True Story" that flash across the screen near the beginning of the film, I realize that it's not really a true story.  Yes, it is based on actual events that happened in the lives of C. S. (Jack) Lewis, his friend and eventual wife, Joy Gresham, and her son, Douglas Gresham.  But it's highly dramatized to the point that "true story" isn't really a fair or accurate description.

I'm pretty much obsessed with C. S. Lewis, and I've read a few biographies (including my favorite one, which was written by Lewis' stepson, Douglas Gresham.  It's called Jack's Life, and I highly highly recommend it).  I know that Joy Gresham wasn't drop dead gorgeous like she was in the movie.  I know that she had two sons instead of just one.  I know a lot of random little details that aren't really that important--like the fact that Jack Lewis couldn't drive a car like he did in the movie, or that the honeymoon trip he took with his wife was much different than what happened in the movie. 

I like biographies about people I'm obsessed with, but otherwise, biography isn't my favorite genre.  Therefore, the only biographies I've really read are about Lewis, Rich Mullins, and Madeline L'Engle.  I have probably skimmed through some others, but I can only afford to have a few unhealthy obsessions with dead people. 

Memoirs, though, are different.  I really like them, if they're well-written.  I think my favorite is Rocket Boys (AKA October Sky).  Homer Hickam (the author of Rocket Boys) isn't all that interesting to me (in fact, I had to google him for his last name), but his story was interesting to me.  It was a "true story," but it wasn't a biography.  It was a memoir.  And memoirs are different because not all of the details have to be accurate.  It's okay to lie a little in the name of good literature.

I do the same thing--not so much with this blog, but I embellish things all the time in my socially awkward blog.  That's not to say I'm completely making stuff up, but I'll often exaggerate or add somewhat fictitious details to "true stories" to make them funnier or more interesting.  Storytelling is not the same thing as lying, and memoir is storytelling.  It's just storytelling that's based on something real. 

And I think that's why I can still appreciate Shadowlands so much.  I know the characters/events are exaggerated or altered from reality.  Watching/Reading a completely (or as close as they could get to it) accurate portrayal of someone's life would be boring (unless you're the sort who likes reading biographies).  There's really just no harm in watching a film or reading a book that's based on real people and real events, even if a lot of what happens to those people and events in the movie/book wasn't real.  I mean, I might be disappointed when I get to heaven and realize that C. S. Lewis and Anthony Hopkins are NOT the same person, but...nah...it probably won't matter at that point.

But I have to say that if I ever become a wildly famous author with a life tragic enough to make a movie out of, I really hope they get someone fabulous to portray me.  I'm thinking a younger version of Julianne Moore.  Because in my "based on a true story" movie, I'm SO going to have red hair.

Fiction Friday: Fairy Tales

I'm sitting here trying to think of my favorite fairy tale, which is a lot harder than I thought.  My brain said, "What's your favorite fairy tale, Ruth?"  And I said, "Oh, brain, that's easy!  It's...uh...hmm.  Wow.  I can't choose one.  There are a lot of fairy tales I like.  How come you've never asked me this before?"  "I don't know, it's just never really come up before now," my brain replied.  "Well, I expect better of you next time," I said crossly.  "This should have been something we settled a long time ago."  "It's not my fault," my brain protested.  "It's because you keep thinking about food when I'm trying to think about important literary stuff."  "Oh shut up and let's go get some hummus."  My brain shouted with glee.  "YAY HUMMUS."

What was I talking about?

Oh.  Fairy tales.  Apparently, I don't have a favorite one, though my brain and I eventually did come to the conclusion that most of my favorite fairy tales were either compiled or written by Hans Christian Anderson.  I like some Irish fairy tales.  Aesop is great.  I'm a fan of the Brothers Grimm.  But Hans Christian Anderson was the stuff.  Okay, so according to most biographical info I've read on the man, he was bonkers, but apparently crazy people make good writers.

I think I can narrow my favorites down to three.  "The Steadfast Tin Soldier."  "The Tinderbox."  "The Wild Swans."  The first two were originally by Anderson, and Anderson wrote a version of "The Wild Swans."  I've read about five different versions of The Wild Swans, and I definitely like Anderson's best.  Others I LOVE by him are "The Little Mermaid," (NOT THE DISNEY VERSION), "The Little Match Girl," "The Snow Queen," and of course "The Ugly Duckling." 

Maybe it's odd for a woman in her early thirties to still like fairy tales so much, but I never claimed to be normal.  I love fairy tales and always will.  In fact, I've written quite a few and hope to get them published someday (James, are you reading this [probably not]?  We need to talk).  I like how they put simple values and morals into short, sometimes sweet, sometimes scary, often strange little stories.  I like how easy it is to see a fairy tale character's virtues (or lack thereof).  There's seldom any ambiguity about whether a character is a hero or a villain.  Even if bad things happen to a noble protagonist, things almost always turn out for the best for them.  Likewise, if the protagonist is foolish or cruel, he or she meets some disastrous end or learns some life-altering lesson before the story is finished.  Yet fairy tales are so unpredictable because they usually include elements of magic that don't occur in reality.  That's why they're so much fun.

Fairy tales aren't realistic.  I think that's part of the reason why a lot of people believe that fairy tales are just for children.  But in my opinion, a great story is one that leaves a person better for having read it.  It leaves a person with a better outlook on life than they had before reading it.  I'm fully aware that in reality, bad things don't always happen to bad people.  Good things don't always happen to good people.  (I'm not even sure if any of us have the right to call ourselves good anyway--because we're all sinners in need of God's grace.)  Magical things just don't happen in real life.

But there's something to be gained from allowing oneself to read a fairy tale.  Just because a story is short enough to read in fifteen minutes (or less) and contains fanciful elements, that doesn't mean it can't be considered serious and important literature.  In reading a fairy tale where the good men are good men, the fair ladies are fair ladies, the evil giants are meant to be conquered, I think something is gained.  I think reading unrealistic fairy tales help give a person realistic hope.  Even if life is hard and monotonous from time to time, there is still magic in the world--even if it's found in a timeless story.

But I gotta run.  My brain is still thinking about that hummus.

Fiction Friday: Disney Movies

So movies aren't books, but they're still fiction.  And I can't think of anything else to blog about for this Fiction Friday.  Lol.

I am like a lot of people who grew up watching Disney movies.  In fact, there was this youtube video that showed brief clips from all 50 of the animated films Disney has put out so far (did you know Disney has put out 50 films (not even counting the Pixar movies)?  Now you do.  In fact, there might be more by now...shrug).  Of those 50 films, there were only two I hadn't seen.  Part of that is because I watch kids, and part of that is because I pretty much am still a kid.  Which two Disney cartoons haven't I seen?  Brother Bear and Home on the Range.  That almost makes me want to go rent them so I can have my perfect record...but...nah.

Anyway, like most good American girls, I was raised on stuff like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White.  These put all kinds of unrealistic ideas into my head.  For instance, I think I grew up fully expecting to be able to waltz out into the forest, sing a song, and immediately befriend three dozen forest animals before Prince Charming came along to carry me away.  (I love the movie Enchanted, because Disney is making fun of itself.  And self-deprecation is one of my favorite forms of humor...and I also like it because Amy Adams is incredible.)

Then Ariel came along and showed all us independent women that we didn't have to listen to our dads.  I mean, sure.  King Triton was overbearing and had a short fuse, but dude was a single father who was just trying to take care of his SEVEN daughters...while also trying to run an entire underwater kingdom.  Talk about pressure.  Ariel was a princess.  She had a lot of good things going for her.  She had a loving family.  She had great friends.  She could sing amazingly.  But who cares.  No big deal.  She wanted MORE.

Oh, good job, Disney.  You completely violated Hans Christian Anderson.

I believe The Little Mermaid came out in 1989.  And most of the Disney animated films of the 1990s have that similar theme of wanting more more more.  Belle wanted MORE than this provincial life (nothing against Belle, though--she's my fave--she reads books).  Aladdin wanted everyone to see there was so much MORE to him, while Jasmine wanted a different life, too.  And honestly, I couldn't blame Jasmine for not wanting to get married off--but in her culture, she would have been raised to expect it (and if she had defied her father like that in real life, he would have probably done something horrible to her--just sayin').   Simba just couldn't wait to be king.  Pocohontas wanted to find out what was beyond the river bend (and with this film, Disney mutilated historical fact!).  Quasimodo wanted to spend one day out there (although I have to admit I liked the happy Disney movie better than the original novel where everyone died,  I'm sure that Victor Hugo is rolling in his grave).  Hercules wanted to be a true hero that could go the distance.  Mulan wanted to be a warrior (okay, okay, so she was being noble and protecting her father).  Tarzan wanted to know more about those strangers like him.

There's nothing particularly wrong with that theme.  It's just that I noticed that these movies were a big part of what shaped my later childhood.  It's probably why I spent a lot of my time staring into the sunset in my late teenage years, wondering what MORE was in store for me instead of actually doing stuff with my life.  There's nothing wrong with dreaming.  There's nothing wrong with hope.  There is something wrong with discontent, and I'm not blaming Disney for this as much as myself.  Because I tend to get caught up in fantasy...if you haven't noticed.

Anyway, the 2000s were kind of a let down for me, Disney movie-wise (again, not counting Pixar--because I love me some Pixar).  I loved Fantasia 2000, but what followed it were a series of Disney films that just didn't seem very Disney-ish.  The Emperor's New Groove made me laugh, but it lacked something I'd come to expect from Disney films.  Perhaps it was simply that the main characters didn't burst into song every five minutes for no apparent reason.  I like Disney movies where people burst into song.  In fact, I'd like life a lot better if everyone just randomly burst into song.  I've tried it, but usually people just give me funny stares and I eventually stop singing...or I just endure the funny stares.

Yeah.  Like NONE of the Disney animated films from the 2000 decade have people that burst into song--unless you count The Princess and the Frog.  I liked that one, but it didn't strike me as a truly Disney film.  It lacked something.  Some kind of magical Disney quality that I believed to be dead.

When I saw previews for Tangled, I just sighed.  I had no desire to see it.  The previews just made it look like a stupid parody--like Disney was trying too hard to be hip and cool and funny.  But it was playing at work one day, so I watched part of it.

Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I had to go rent it afterwards so I could watch the whole thing.

The Disney movie is NOT dead.  Tangled is a funny parody, but it's also a more traditional Disney movie--complete with characters randomly bursting into song!  I don't want to give too much away if you haven't seen Tangled.  It's an original story that does a great job of incorporating the original fairy tale.  I'm not sure what Disney animation has in store for the 2010's, but I'm paying attention again.

Only this time, I hope I'm able to differentiate fantasy and reality.