A year ago, I could not run half a mile without feeling like I was going to die. I know it was a year ago, because I just looked it up. I posted this blog on March 10, 2011, in which I stated, and I quote, "I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to physically run a 5K."
That reminds me of all those times when I told people that I didn't want to even bother trying to lose weight because with my body structure, I'd never be able to fit in anything smaller than a size ten. I currently wear a size six.
And I have run a 5K. Two of them (actual races, not just the distance...I've run that distance LOTS of times).
I've also run a 10K.
Yesterday, I ran 8.1 miles. I'm 5 miles away from running a half-marathon. And today I bit the bullet and finally registered for one in mid-to-late May. The race is taking place where my sister lives, which means I can visit family and run my legs off all in one fun-filled weekend!
Anyway, I'm not saying any of that to brag on myself. I was happy being a speed-walker who thought running was for the crazies. Now, I am one of the crazies! My introduction for running was seemingly (but not at all) by random coincidence. I just wanted to run a 5K that my boss was sponsoring (meaning I had free registration). I never meant to actually become a runner. I never meant to actually enjoy running. If you had told me a year and a half ago that I would be training for a half-marathon, I'd have laughed at you. Now, I'm the one who's laughing.
I'm laughing because God has the greatest sense of humor, and because He's very gracious to me. Just as I was starting to get really into running, a sports ministry (http://www.thesecondwind.net/) was starting up through some triathletes at my church. I, Ruth Campbell, the most uncoordinated, non-athletic person alive (a bit of an exaggeration, but not that much of one), found myself involved in a SPORTS ministry. It's hilarious. It's a hilarious, wonderful, awesome, beautiful, crazy example of how God proves me wrong all the time. I don't think I'll ever be a fast runner (but I'm learning to never say never), but the fact that God has brought me from where I was to where I am now is extraordinary. My God is extraordinary!
Yesterday, as I was running my 8(.1) miles, there were several moments where I just lifted my head up towards the blue, blue sky and raised my hands in the air. I was at a public park, but I didn't care who saw me. Yesterday was more than just a workout, and it was more than just training. It was worship. My hope was in the Lord, and He was renewing my strength. And I don't know how well I'll do in this half-marathon I've signed up for, but I plan on finishing with my heart and lips full of praise for the God who is able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine through me.
It kind of makes me bold enough to try to do other things that are difficult or even, from my perception, impossible for me to do. I'm not strong. I'm not wise. I'm not all the things the world says I'm going to have to be if I'm to accomplish my dreams. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31 All things are possible with God.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday Blahg: Dreams and Dreamers
I've been called a dreamer for pretty much my entire life. The ten year old I watch frequently shakes her head at me and says, "You're a dreamer, Ruth. You're a dreamer." It's a more than fair assessment of me. When I was a little girl, I played make-believe like crazy. When I was an older kid, I started writing stories (I wrote fan fic before fan fic was cool). When I was a preteen, I was obsessed with Disney movies and Star Trek, wishing I could live like my favorite fictional characters.
And when I was a teenager, I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom.
That doesn't sound like a very exciting thing to stare at, but keep in mind that I am extremely nearsighted. I got a bunch of those plastic glow-in-the-dark stars and stuck them all over the ceiling. When I took my glasses off at night, the glowing stars looked all blurry. In fact, to my myopic eyes, they looked like real stars. That's the one good thing about being nearsighted--being able to "see" "real" stars over my head even when I'm indoors. Only now my apartment has these 12 foot ceilings, and I never attempted to put stars on my current bedroom ceiling. When I eventually move, I'll have to find a place with shorter ceilings....
Anyway, I had insomnia quite a bit as a teenager. I spent many nights staring up at the "stars," praying that the Lord would just show me what He wanted me to do with my life. I'd plead with God to reveal His great purpose for me. I vowed I would do anything, but I just needed to know what it was. This went on for years.
Part of the problem was that I had (and have) an older sister who was very determined, who knew more or less precisely what she wanted to do. And she went out and did it. I assumed that she had been struck by some "holy lightning bolt" from heaven that told her exactly what course her life was supposed to take. So I was staring up at the "starry" ceiling, waiting for my "holy lightning bolt." I prayed, pleaded, for God to send me that "holy lightning bolt" with all His plans for my life.
It never came.
And while my regrets are few (they exist, but they're few--because God was working through all of them even when I was messing up), I do wish that someone would have beat me upside the head when I was a teenager. I wish someone would have come up to me, knocked me silly, and said what I'm about to say:
"God usually doesn't send the "holy lightning bolt."
I wasted years of my life wishing for something that wasn't going to come. God wasn't going to just send me a live feed of all His plans for me. God doesn't usually work that way.
That doesn't mean that God isn't revealing His will to us; in fact, He already has revealed His will. I know I'm repeating myself, but I think it stands to be repeated. God has revealed Himself and His will to us through Scripture. We know the "little things" we're supposed to be doing. If we're doing the "little things," like seeking Him, like loving our neighbor, like praying and studying the Bible...then He isn't going to leave us hanging in the "bigger things."
For some people, perhaps even for most people, and definitely for me, God doesn't reveal His entire will or His entire calling. He has given me gifts and interests, and the ability to use these gifts and interests to serve others. He's called me to wait on Him for the "bigger things." And slowly, He's been showing me what some of those "bigger things" are. I'm not a big person, but I've got some big dreams. I'm not a big person, but I serve a big God. I believe my big God has given me some big dreams.
It's just that I've been a dreamer for so long, and I'm still realizing that dreams aren't any good just by themselves. Disney was wrong; dreams don't come true just by wishing on a star (whether it's a real star or just a plastic glow-in-the-dark star). Dreams only come true through a lot of hard work and personal investment. My big dreams can't come true unless I'm willing to put some big effort into them.
And even then I'm still too small for my big dreams.
Peter Pan knew how to fly. He needed a happy thought. He needed faith and trust. All those things were necessary for flight, but they alone couldn't make him fly. He needed something outside of himself; he needed supernatural help.
He needed pixie dust.
And sometimes I try to just sprinkle some holy pixie dust on my dreams. I pray over them. I ask God to make them come true. While it's great to ask for help, and I know I need it, I almost get into the "wishing on a star" trap all over again. I don't like the phrase "God helps those who help themselves." It's not in Scripture. Benjamin Franklin wrote it. So I'm not saying that we have to rely on ourselves to make our dreams come true. What I am saying is that if something is worth dreaming, then it's worth working towards. It's worth some hard work.
And lately I haven't been working that hard towards my dreams.
Part of it is discouragement. Part of me doesn't believe these dreams can come true, so I don't want to put effort into a lost cause.
Part of it is laziness. I don't feel like putting the effort into it because I still want to build my silly kingdoms instead of seeking God's Kingdom.
Part of it is busyness. I really do have a lot of other things that occupy my time and energy, but if these dreams are of God, then they are worth making time and energy for.
Part of it is fear. I don't know how to do what I'm doing, so I don't even try to figure it out. I'm afraid that figuring it out will be hard. And, as I mentioned, I'm lazy. I don't like things to be hard.
But God didn't call me to do what's easy. God didn't call me to be comfortable. God called me to trust Him, to wait, and to work with all my might at whatever my hands find to do.
So, here's how I'd like this week to look:
-- I want to get back on track with editing of second novel.
-- I want to take a look at my first novel and maybe start entertaining the idea of sending out some query letters to literary agents.
-- I want to run at least 10 miles for the week (weather permitting), including one 6 mile run (health permitting).
-- I want to continue with the weight loss success--I'm under130 pounds now, and my size six jeans are fitting better every day. At least that's one goal that's going well....
-- I want to spend time with a friend whom I've been meaning to meet with.
-- I want to start reading other writers' fiction again.
-- I want to actually play my guitar for more than just a few minutes at a time.
-- I want to seek God not out of habit or out of some desire to meet a goal, but because I want to seek God.
And I really want to stop letting discouragement affect me so much. That's probably where I could use the most prayer.
And when I was a teenager, I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom.
That doesn't sound like a very exciting thing to stare at, but keep in mind that I am extremely nearsighted. I got a bunch of those plastic glow-in-the-dark stars and stuck them all over the ceiling. When I took my glasses off at night, the glowing stars looked all blurry. In fact, to my myopic eyes, they looked like real stars. That's the one good thing about being nearsighted--being able to "see" "real" stars over my head even when I'm indoors. Only now my apartment has these 12 foot ceilings, and I never attempted to put stars on my current bedroom ceiling. When I eventually move, I'll have to find a place with shorter ceilings....
Anyway, I had insomnia quite a bit as a teenager. I spent many nights staring up at the "stars," praying that the Lord would just show me what He wanted me to do with my life. I'd plead with God to reveal His great purpose for me. I vowed I would do anything, but I just needed to know what it was. This went on for years.
Part of the problem was that I had (and have) an older sister who was very determined, who knew more or less precisely what she wanted to do. And she went out and did it. I assumed that she had been struck by some "holy lightning bolt" from heaven that told her exactly what course her life was supposed to take. So I was staring up at the "starry" ceiling, waiting for my "holy lightning bolt." I prayed, pleaded, for God to send me that "holy lightning bolt" with all His plans for my life.
It never came.
And while my regrets are few (they exist, but they're few--because God was working through all of them even when I was messing up), I do wish that someone would have beat me upside the head when I was a teenager. I wish someone would have come up to me, knocked me silly, and said what I'm about to say:
"God usually doesn't send the "holy lightning bolt."
I wasted years of my life wishing for something that wasn't going to come. God wasn't going to just send me a live feed of all His plans for me. God doesn't usually work that way.
That doesn't mean that God isn't revealing His will to us; in fact, He already has revealed His will. I know I'm repeating myself, but I think it stands to be repeated. God has revealed Himself and His will to us through Scripture. We know the "little things" we're supposed to be doing. If we're doing the "little things," like seeking Him, like loving our neighbor, like praying and studying the Bible...then He isn't going to leave us hanging in the "bigger things."
For some people, perhaps even for most people, and definitely for me, God doesn't reveal His entire will or His entire calling. He has given me gifts and interests, and the ability to use these gifts and interests to serve others. He's called me to wait on Him for the "bigger things." And slowly, He's been showing me what some of those "bigger things" are. I'm not a big person, but I've got some big dreams. I'm not a big person, but I serve a big God. I believe my big God has given me some big dreams.
It's just that I've been a dreamer for so long, and I'm still realizing that dreams aren't any good just by themselves. Disney was wrong; dreams don't come true just by wishing on a star (whether it's a real star or just a plastic glow-in-the-dark star). Dreams only come true through a lot of hard work and personal investment. My big dreams can't come true unless I'm willing to put some big effort into them.
And even then I'm still too small for my big dreams.
Peter Pan knew how to fly. He needed a happy thought. He needed faith and trust. All those things were necessary for flight, but they alone couldn't make him fly. He needed something outside of himself; he needed supernatural help.
He needed pixie dust.
And sometimes I try to just sprinkle some holy pixie dust on my dreams. I pray over them. I ask God to make them come true. While it's great to ask for help, and I know I need it, I almost get into the "wishing on a star" trap all over again. I don't like the phrase "God helps those who help themselves." It's not in Scripture. Benjamin Franklin wrote it. So I'm not saying that we have to rely on ourselves to make our dreams come true. What I am saying is that if something is worth dreaming, then it's worth working towards. It's worth some hard work.
And lately I haven't been working that hard towards my dreams.
Part of it is discouragement. Part of me doesn't believe these dreams can come true, so I don't want to put effort into a lost cause.
Part of it is laziness. I don't feel like putting the effort into it because I still want to build my silly kingdoms instead of seeking God's Kingdom.
Part of it is busyness. I really do have a lot of other things that occupy my time and energy, but if these dreams are of God, then they are worth making time and energy for.
Part of it is fear. I don't know how to do what I'm doing, so I don't even try to figure it out. I'm afraid that figuring it out will be hard. And, as I mentioned, I'm lazy. I don't like things to be hard.
But God didn't call me to do what's easy. God didn't call me to be comfortable. God called me to trust Him, to wait, and to work with all my might at whatever my hands find to do.
So, here's how I'd like this week to look:
-- I want to get back on track with editing of second novel.
-- I want to take a look at my first novel and maybe start entertaining the idea of sending out some query letters to literary agents.
-- I want to run at least 10 miles for the week (weather permitting), including one 6 mile run (health permitting).
-- I want to continue with the weight loss success--I'm under130 pounds now, and my size six jeans are fitting better every day. At least that's one goal that's going well....
-- I want to spend time with a friend whom I've been meaning to meet with.
-- I want to start reading other writers' fiction again.
-- I want to actually play my guitar for more than just a few minutes at a time.
-- I want to seek God not out of habit or out of some desire to meet a goal, but because I want to seek God.
And I really want to stop letting discouragement affect me so much. That's probably where I could use the most prayer.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
SEW Sunday: Life
(SEW Sundays are posts where I rant about discuss what's going on with the queries I am SENDING to agents, my EDITING, and my WRITING...among other things....)
My fingers hurt. It's not because I've been typing too much. It's because I just spent about an hour and a half playing guitar. I like Sunday afternoons because I usually set aside a good chunk of time just for this purpose. I could be napping, but when I nap on Sunday afternoons, I tend to go into a mini coma and not wake up until the "wee hours" of Monday morning. So to avoid throwing off my sleep schedule for the entire week, I play the guitar when most people take naps.
I wrote music for two songs over the past month. I'm working on the music for two more. Originally, I was just planning on working on one musical project. If things keep going the way they've been going, then I might have two musical projects in mind. We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about it--though also very scared. That's ironic, because one of the projects I'm thinking of has to do with the theme of fear. But I did talk briefly with a very nice man who might be able to record my project(s), and that was extremely encouraging . There are a lot of little (and big) details to work out, but I'm confident this is going to happen.
As far as the writing goes, I'm still waiting on a few things. I traded manuscripts with a fellow writer friend today. That's always a little scary, but in the long run I really think she's going to be able to help me progress in this "getting published" journey. I've been stuck for so long that I really think I've needed a push. So hopefully this is it.
I know I keep saying a lot of the same things over and over in these posts. It's because I need reminders. I need the reminders that while waiting is hard, it's part of the journey on which God is leading me. While I'm waiting, there are a lot of things to be doing, a lot of life to be living. What I do now as an unpublished writer is just as important as the things I will do when I become a published writer (and I'm confident that I will become one, one way or another). I get in this mindset so many times that life isn't happening until I achieve some kind of goal or dream. The truth is, life is right now. Life is every day. Life is getting out of bed in the morning and going for a run, or going to work, or just sitting down with a cup of coffee and enjoying the beauty of the world around me.
Thank you if you're one of the ones who consistently reads this and consistently prays for me and this path God's given me to walk. I know it's frustrating to have to wait for anything, and a lot of people have expressed that they really want to be able to read my books in print (most of them want free signed copies--I don't know about the free part, but I'll sign it for free, if that helps!). I know I've said this on this blog before, but I'm going to say it again. No matter how frustrated you are in waiting, I'm even more so. And I've been apathetic for a while because I get so discouraged. But I sense that apathy melting away. I'm starting to figuratively breathe more deeply, wanting to take in as much life as possible. And part of that means I'm going to start working towards my dreams again. If they're God-given dreams, then they're not really in my hands, so I can't be afraid. Not really.
It's really amazing what God's doing in me right now. It's been such a process. I can't explain it very well--just that I'm changing. He's being faithful to strip away a lot of things that have kept me from being as free as He's wanted me to be. Fear is one of those things. I'm learning. It's still a process. I call it the process of perfection--it will only be completed when I do move past the poor reflection in the mirror and see Him face to face. In the meantime, there's this life He's graciously given me.
My fingers hurt. It's not because I've been typing too much. It's because I just spent about an hour and a half playing guitar. I like Sunday afternoons because I usually set aside a good chunk of time just for this purpose. I could be napping, but when I nap on Sunday afternoons, I tend to go into a mini coma and not wake up until the "wee hours" of Monday morning. So to avoid throwing off my sleep schedule for the entire week, I play the guitar when most people take naps.
I wrote music for two songs over the past month. I'm working on the music for two more. Originally, I was just planning on working on one musical project. If things keep going the way they've been going, then I might have two musical projects in mind. We'll see what happens. I'm very excited about it--though also very scared. That's ironic, because one of the projects I'm thinking of has to do with the theme of fear. But I did talk briefly with a very nice man who might be able to record my project(s), and that was extremely encouraging . There are a lot of little (and big) details to work out, but I'm confident this is going to happen.
As far as the writing goes, I'm still waiting on a few things. I traded manuscripts with a fellow writer friend today. That's always a little scary, but in the long run I really think she's going to be able to help me progress in this "getting published" journey. I've been stuck for so long that I really think I've needed a push. So hopefully this is it.
I know I keep saying a lot of the same things over and over in these posts. It's because I need reminders. I need the reminders that while waiting is hard, it's part of the journey on which God is leading me. While I'm waiting, there are a lot of things to be doing, a lot of life to be living. What I do now as an unpublished writer is just as important as the things I will do when I become a published writer (and I'm confident that I will become one, one way or another). I get in this mindset so many times that life isn't happening until I achieve some kind of goal or dream. The truth is, life is right now. Life is every day. Life is getting out of bed in the morning and going for a run, or going to work, or just sitting down with a cup of coffee and enjoying the beauty of the world around me.
Thank you if you're one of the ones who consistently reads this and consistently prays for me and this path God's given me to walk. I know it's frustrating to have to wait for anything, and a lot of people have expressed that they really want to be able to read my books in print (most of them want free signed copies--I don't know about the free part, but I'll sign it for free, if that helps!). I know I've said this on this blog before, but I'm going to say it again. No matter how frustrated you are in waiting, I'm even more so. And I've been apathetic for a while because I get so discouraged. But I sense that apathy melting away. I'm starting to figuratively breathe more deeply, wanting to take in as much life as possible. And part of that means I'm going to start working towards my dreams again. If they're God-given dreams, then they're not really in my hands, so I can't be afraid. Not really.
It's really amazing what God's doing in me right now. It's been such a process. I can't explain it very well--just that I'm changing. He's being faithful to strip away a lot of things that have kept me from being as free as He's wanted me to be. Fear is one of those things. I'm learning. It's still a process. I call it the process of perfection--it will only be completed when I do move past the poor reflection in the mirror and see Him face to face. In the meantime, there's this life He's graciously given me.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Fiction Friday: Disney Movies
So movies aren't books, but they're still fiction. And I can't think of anything else to blog about for this Fiction Friday. Lol.
I am like a lot of people who grew up watching Disney movies. In fact, there was this youtube video that showed brief clips from all 50 of the animated films Disney has put out so far (did you know Disney has put out 50 films (not even counting the Pixar movies)? Now you do. In fact, there might be more by now...shrug). Of those 50 films, there were only two I hadn't seen. Part of that is because I watch kids, and part of that is because I pretty much am still a kid. Which two Disney cartoons haven't I seen? Brother Bear and Home on the Range. That almost makes me want to go rent them so I can have my perfect record...but...nah.
Anyway, like most good American girls, I was raised on stuff like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. These put all kinds of unrealistic ideas into my head. For instance, I think I grew up fully expecting to be able to waltz out into the forest, sing a song, and immediately befriend three dozen forest animals before Prince Charming came along to carry me away. (I love the movie Enchanted, because Disney is making fun of itself. And self-deprecation is one of my favorite forms of humor...and I also like it because Amy Adams is incredible.)
Then Ariel came along and showed all us independent women that we didn't have to listen to our dads. I mean, sure. King Triton was overbearing and had a short fuse, but dude was a single father who was just trying to take care of his SEVEN daughters...while also trying to run an entire underwater kingdom. Talk about pressure. Ariel was a princess. She had a lot of good things going for her. She had a loving family. She had great friends. She could sing amazingly. But who cares. No big deal. She wanted MORE.
Oh, good job, Disney. You completely violated Hans Christian Anderson.
I believe The Little Mermaid came out in 1989. And most of the Disney animated films of the 1990s have that similar theme of wanting more more more. Belle wanted MORE than this provincial life (nothing against Belle, though--she's my fave--she reads books). Aladdin wanted everyone to see there was so much MORE to him, while Jasmine wanted a different life, too. And honestly, I couldn't blame Jasmine for not wanting to get married off--but in her culture, she would have been raised to expect it (and if she had defied her father like that in real life, he would have probably done something horrible to her--just sayin'). Simba just couldn't wait to be king. Pocohontas wanted to find out what was beyond the river bend (and with this film, Disney mutilated historical fact!). Quasimodo wanted to spend one day out there (although I have to admit I liked the happy Disney movie better than the original novel where everyone died, I'm sure that Victor Hugo is rolling in his grave). Hercules wanted to be a true hero that could go the distance. Mulan wanted to be a warrior (okay, okay, so she was being noble and protecting her father). Tarzan wanted to know more about those strangers like him.
There's nothing particularly wrong with that theme. It's just that I noticed that these movies were a big part of what shaped my later childhood. It's probably why I spent a lot of my time staring into the sunset in my late teenage years, wondering what MORE was in store for me instead of actually doing stuff with my life. There's nothing wrong with dreaming. There's nothing wrong with hope. There is something wrong with discontent, and I'm not blaming Disney for this as much as myself. Because I tend to get caught up in fantasy...if you haven't noticed.
Anyway, the 2000s were kind of a let down for me, Disney movie-wise (again, not counting Pixar--because I love me some Pixar). I loved Fantasia 2000, but what followed it were a series of Disney films that just didn't seem very Disney-ish. The Emperor's New Groove made me laugh, but it lacked something I'd come to expect from Disney films. Perhaps it was simply that the main characters didn't burst into song every five minutes for no apparent reason. I like Disney movies where people burst into song. In fact, I'd like life a lot better if everyone just randomly burst into song. I've tried it, but usually people just give me funny stares and I eventually stop singing...or I just endure the funny stares.
Yeah. Like NONE of the Disney animated films from the 2000 decade have people that burst into song--unless you count The Princess and the Frog. I liked that one, but it didn't strike me as a truly Disney film. It lacked something. Some kind of magical Disney quality that I believed to be dead.
When I saw previews for Tangled, I just sighed. I had no desire to see it. The previews just made it look like a stupid parody--like Disney was trying too hard to be hip and cool and funny. But it was playing at work one day, so I watched part of it.
Oh. My. Gosh. I had to go rent it afterwards so I could watch the whole thing.
The Disney movie is NOT dead. Tangled is a funny parody, but it's also a more traditional Disney movie--complete with characters randomly bursting into song! I don't want to give too much away if you haven't seen Tangled. It's an original story that does a great job of incorporating the original fairy tale. I'm not sure what Disney animation has in store for the 2010's, but I'm paying attention again.
Only this time, I hope I'm able to differentiate fantasy and reality.
I am like a lot of people who grew up watching Disney movies. In fact, there was this youtube video that showed brief clips from all 50 of the animated films Disney has put out so far (did you know Disney has put out 50 films (not even counting the Pixar movies)? Now you do. In fact, there might be more by now...shrug). Of those 50 films, there were only two I hadn't seen. Part of that is because I watch kids, and part of that is because I pretty much am still a kid. Which two Disney cartoons haven't I seen? Brother Bear and Home on the Range. That almost makes me want to go rent them so I can have my perfect record...but...nah.
Anyway, like most good American girls, I was raised on stuff like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. These put all kinds of unrealistic ideas into my head. For instance, I think I grew up fully expecting to be able to waltz out into the forest, sing a song, and immediately befriend three dozen forest animals before Prince Charming came along to carry me away. (I love the movie Enchanted, because Disney is making fun of itself. And self-deprecation is one of my favorite forms of humor...and I also like it because Amy Adams is incredible.)
Then Ariel came along and showed all us independent women that we didn't have to listen to our dads. I mean, sure. King Triton was overbearing and had a short fuse, but dude was a single father who was just trying to take care of his SEVEN daughters...while also trying to run an entire underwater kingdom. Talk about pressure. Ariel was a princess. She had a lot of good things going for her. She had a loving family. She had great friends. She could sing amazingly. But who cares. No big deal. She wanted MORE.
Oh, good job, Disney. You completely violated Hans Christian Anderson.
I believe The Little Mermaid came out in 1989. And most of the Disney animated films of the 1990s have that similar theme of wanting more more more. Belle wanted MORE than this provincial life (nothing against Belle, though--she's my fave--she reads books). Aladdin wanted everyone to see there was so much MORE to him, while Jasmine wanted a different life, too. And honestly, I couldn't blame Jasmine for not wanting to get married off--but in her culture, she would have been raised to expect it (and if she had defied her father like that in real life, he would have probably done something horrible to her--just sayin'). Simba just couldn't wait to be king. Pocohontas wanted to find out what was beyond the river bend (and with this film, Disney mutilated historical fact!). Quasimodo wanted to spend one day out there (although I have to admit I liked the happy Disney movie better than the original novel where everyone died, I'm sure that Victor Hugo is rolling in his grave). Hercules wanted to be a true hero that could go the distance. Mulan wanted to be a warrior (okay, okay, so she was being noble and protecting her father). Tarzan wanted to know more about those strangers like him.
There's nothing particularly wrong with that theme. It's just that I noticed that these movies were a big part of what shaped my later childhood. It's probably why I spent a lot of my time staring into the sunset in my late teenage years, wondering what MORE was in store for me instead of actually doing stuff with my life. There's nothing wrong with dreaming. There's nothing wrong with hope. There is something wrong with discontent, and I'm not blaming Disney for this as much as myself. Because I tend to get caught up in fantasy...if you haven't noticed.
Anyway, the 2000s were kind of a let down for me, Disney movie-wise (again, not counting Pixar--because I love me some Pixar). I loved Fantasia 2000, but what followed it were a series of Disney films that just didn't seem very Disney-ish. The Emperor's New Groove made me laugh, but it lacked something I'd come to expect from Disney films. Perhaps it was simply that the main characters didn't burst into song every five minutes for no apparent reason. I like Disney movies where people burst into song. In fact, I'd like life a lot better if everyone just randomly burst into song. I've tried it, but usually people just give me funny stares and I eventually stop singing...or I just endure the funny stares.
Yeah. Like NONE of the Disney animated films from the 2000 decade have people that burst into song--unless you count The Princess and the Frog. I liked that one, but it didn't strike me as a truly Disney film. It lacked something. Some kind of magical Disney quality that I believed to be dead.
When I saw previews for Tangled, I just sighed. I had no desire to see it. The previews just made it look like a stupid parody--like Disney was trying too hard to be hip and cool and funny. But it was playing at work one day, so I watched part of it.
Oh. My. Gosh. I had to go rent it afterwards so I could watch the whole thing.
The Disney movie is NOT dead. Tangled is a funny parody, but it's also a more traditional Disney movie--complete with characters randomly bursting into song! I don't want to give too much away if you haven't seen Tangled. It's an original story that does a great job of incorporating the original fairy tale. I'm not sure what Disney animation has in store for the 2010's, but I'm paying attention again.
Only this time, I hope I'm able to differentiate fantasy and reality.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Writing Within
I haven't written a single word of a story since...oh probably Sunday night. The reason? I haven't had time (and that's really not just a lame excuse this time...it's the truth). I mean, I would have time if I didn't sleep or if I decided all this exercise stuff I've been doing is for losers. But I've worked two (or three) jobs every day this week so far, and honestly, sleep has been way more important than writing. The rest of the week doesn't look much more promising. I've got a LOT to do in the next three days, and I'm not sure when I'll have time to do it all. So writing? I might get to that...eventually.
But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Just because I haven't been writing anything down on paper (or typing anything up on the computer screen) doesn't mean I haven't been writing at all.
There is a sort of magic that sometimes happens (and sometimes just...doesn't...) when a writer starts writing down things on paper. Sometimes the words just flow out of the pen and create something wonderful, something the writer couldn't write until he/she sat down to start writing. Sometimes I, personally, just need to feel a pen sliding across a piece of paper, or I need to feel the rhythm of my fingers clicking across a keyboard. Sometimes I can't create until I get that physical connection of pen to paper, fingers to keyboard.
Then there are the other times, the times I've experienced this week--the times when a writer doesn't need paper. I'mma call it...mind writing. I find that one of my favorite places to mind write is in the shower. I guess that's weird, but...whatever works, right? I stand there, washing my hair, and a scene or character comes to me. It's usually from whatever project I'm working on, and it's usually involving dialogue. So I stand in the shower and talk to myself until I've figured out the scene or until the water gets cold--whichever comes first.
I also like to mind write while I'm running (or whatever form of exercise I happen to be doing). I can't have conversations with myself without looking like a loony to other people on the road, so I have to internalize whatever I'm mind writing. I'm not good at internalizing. Lately, while running, I've been mind writing about characters who run, because I'm just THAT creative... ... ... ...
Mind writing in those few moments between turning out the light and going to sleep can be either incredibly helpful or incredibly dangerous. It can be dangerous because I tend to forget things easily, especially when I'm tired. So there's a good chance that anything I thought of before I go to sleep will be forgotten forever (maybe that's a good thing...?). But mind writing before sleep can also be awesome if I'm lucky enough to be able to DREAM about what I was mind writing. Every book I've completed so far has been, in some way, inspired by a dream. In the case of my first book, it wouldn't exist if not for a dream (and a really ugly ring). In my second book, I had an idea for a story, but it wasn't tied together until I had a dream that I thought would be a great scene in the book. So yeah, I'm a really big fan of dreams. I like to use them in my writing. Sometimes I'll take naps just because I have some of my best dreams in the middle of the day. I mean, I might not dream at all, but it's worth a shot. ...and I get a nap... Win-win.
These are some of the times/places I usually mind-write, but they aren't the only ones. Mind writing can happen just about anywhere. Grocery shopping. Driving a car (scary, right?). Eating breakfast. Sitting in church (...don't judge me, Christians!). Yeah. Just about anywhere.
So if you happen to see me this week and I have a vacant expression, it might just be that I'm mind writing because I have no time for real writing. If this is the case, proceed with caution and make no sudden movements.
But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Just because I haven't been writing anything down on paper (or typing anything up on the computer screen) doesn't mean I haven't been writing at all.
There is a sort of magic that sometimes happens (and sometimes just...doesn't...) when a writer starts writing down things on paper. Sometimes the words just flow out of the pen and create something wonderful, something the writer couldn't write until he/she sat down to start writing. Sometimes I, personally, just need to feel a pen sliding across a piece of paper, or I need to feel the rhythm of my fingers clicking across a keyboard. Sometimes I can't create until I get that physical connection of pen to paper, fingers to keyboard.
Then there are the other times, the times I've experienced this week--the times when a writer doesn't need paper. I'mma call it...mind writing. I find that one of my favorite places to mind write is in the shower. I guess that's weird, but...whatever works, right? I stand there, washing my hair, and a scene or character comes to me. It's usually from whatever project I'm working on, and it's usually involving dialogue. So I stand in the shower and talk to myself until I've figured out the scene or until the water gets cold--whichever comes first.
I also like to mind write while I'm running (or whatever form of exercise I happen to be doing). I can't have conversations with myself without looking like a loony to other people on the road, so I have to internalize whatever I'm mind writing. I'm not good at internalizing. Lately, while running, I've been mind writing about characters who run, because I'm just THAT creative... ... ... ...
Mind writing in those few moments between turning out the light and going to sleep can be either incredibly helpful or incredibly dangerous. It can be dangerous because I tend to forget things easily, especially when I'm tired. So there's a good chance that anything I thought of before I go to sleep will be forgotten forever (maybe that's a good thing...?). But mind writing before sleep can also be awesome if I'm lucky enough to be able to DREAM about what I was mind writing. Every book I've completed so far has been, in some way, inspired by a dream. In the case of my first book, it wouldn't exist if not for a dream (and a really ugly ring). In my second book, I had an idea for a story, but it wasn't tied together until I had a dream that I thought would be a great scene in the book. So yeah, I'm a really big fan of dreams. I like to use them in my writing. Sometimes I'll take naps just because I have some of my best dreams in the middle of the day. I mean, I might not dream at all, but it's worth a shot. ...and I get a nap... Win-win.
These are some of the times/places I usually mind-write, but they aren't the only ones. Mind writing can happen just about anywhere. Grocery shopping. Driving a car (scary, right?). Eating breakfast. Sitting in church (...don't judge me, Christians!). Yeah. Just about anywhere.
So if you happen to see me this week and I have a vacant expression, it might just be that I'm mind writing because I have no time for real writing. If this is the case, proceed with caution and make no sudden movements.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thoughts on Traditional VS. Self-Publishing
In the past few weeks, I've had some loving and well-meaning friends and family show me this article (or a similiar article) about a 26-yr-old named Amanda Hocking who has done extremely well self-publishing her books for Kindle. The article can be found by clicking here.
While I am happy for Amanda Hocking and her amazing success, I'm reluctant to just jump on the self-publishing bandwagon. As a person who has attended Southern Baptist churches all her life (and gone to three private Southern Baptist learning institutions), maybe one would think that I've just got a very Baptist mentality about everything, including publishing. "We've never done it THAT way before...." Only I have never really considered myself Baptist (I consider myself Christian and leave it at that--if you want to know more of what I believe, ask questions--don't rely on labels that often have very little truth). I try to keep an open mind to new things, and one would have to be pretty blind not to realize that the world is changing at a lightning fast pace.
There have been rumors and articles and such about the possibility of traditional publishing disappearing as self-publishing starts to become more popular. If one were to take the success of Amanda Hocking as the new norm, then the eventual closure of all traditional publishing houses would be a logical conclusion to make. However, Amanda Hocking's success is very much the exception and not the norm. This is why I grit my teeth and bite my tongue when well-meaning friends/family try to suggest self-publishing as an option for me. I KNOW they don't mean it in this way, but seriously. Every time someone suggests I try self-publishing, what that says to me is that they don't believe I can make it traditionally. They're saying to me that they think I'll have to self-publish because no one else will want me. While I know that's not really what they're saying, I wish people would think about how they might come across.
Personally, I'm just not going to feel like a published author if I don't see my book IN PRINT and ON SHELVES. I just don't think that having digital versions of my books floating around on Kindles and Nooks is going to feel the same. When reading books, I would much prefer to have the actual book in my hand. There's the feel of the book--the weight of it in my hands, the experience of actually getting to turn the pages. There's the smell of the paper and ink. There's the sound of the pages turning. All of these are experiences I love when reading a book, and scrolling down a screen just wouldn't be the same. According to this recent article, I'm not the only one who prefers actual books over a digital reader. I don't think traditional publishing is dying at all. Self-publishing may or may not be a fad. It may or may not be taking over the publishing world. But I don't think self-publishing is the same thing as traditional publishing. Traditional publishing involves more than just you (it involves people who know what they're doing and who know the publishing business), which, in my opinion, makes it more valid. If you think your writing is good, then it might be...or it might just be you. If an agent and editor think your writing is good, then yeah...it's probably good.
I am NOT trying to say that self-publishing isn't real publishing. What I will say is that there are times when it CAN be fake publishing. Amanda Hocking and others like her have proven that self-publishing can be a legitimate method of getting one's writing out to the world. She's built a strong online presence and has gathered a following. I applaud her for being able to do that. I'm actually a little bit jealous. With that being said, for every Amanda Hocking out there, there are probably about a gazillion John/Jane Does who think they can call themselves an "author" because they've self-published pages full of crappy drivel. I'm sure there are several good self-published writers out there who have put in a lot of time and effort editing and polishing their work before publishing it. I'm also sure there are several bad self-published writers who have not.
I don't have a problem with self-publishing in general. I have a problem with how easy it's become. Amanda Hocking tried traditional publishing before she attempted self-publishing. She put in the effort. It's not like she just decided "I'm going to write a book and self-publish it." She sent queries and got rejected before she went the self-publishing route--and now she's a millionaire. I have a lot of respect for her because she didn't just do things the easy way.
Now, let me also say that there's nothing wrong with self-publishing if you are just wanting to get a book out there for fun or whatever. Just please don't call yourself a "published author" in my presence unless you have some successful sale numbers to back up your claims. If you want to get something you wrote out there and have no goals of making any money or sales, then whatever. It really depends on what you want to accomplish through publishing.
I happen to have a dream of becoming a fairly successful author (and these days, a successful author can mean many different things). I don't just want to self-publish and have it done with. I want to see my name IN PRINT, my books IN PRINT, my books ON SHELVES. That's what I want. I also want an agent to represent me (because I have lousy business sense). The Amanda Hockings of the world apparently don't need agents to make a fortune and a name for themselves. I think that I do.
So I'm going to continue to try the traditional route. If the current book I'm trying to sell doesn't fly (it's my first book--first books are often dreadful), then I will look into small-time publishing NOT self-publishing. And then I'll try to seek representation for another book. Even if I go small-time on my first book (and the series that goes with it), I'm not giving up on my dream of being a successful published author.
With that being said, I have a lot of work ahead of me.
While I am happy for Amanda Hocking and her amazing success, I'm reluctant to just jump on the self-publishing bandwagon. As a person who has attended Southern Baptist churches all her life (and gone to three private Southern Baptist learning institutions), maybe one would think that I've just got a very Baptist mentality about everything, including publishing. "We've never done it THAT way before...." Only I have never really considered myself Baptist (I consider myself Christian and leave it at that--if you want to know more of what I believe, ask questions--don't rely on labels that often have very little truth). I try to keep an open mind to new things, and one would have to be pretty blind not to realize that the world is changing at a lightning fast pace.
There have been rumors and articles and such about the possibility of traditional publishing disappearing as self-publishing starts to become more popular. If one were to take the success of Amanda Hocking as the new norm, then the eventual closure of all traditional publishing houses would be a logical conclusion to make. However, Amanda Hocking's success is very much the exception and not the norm. This is why I grit my teeth and bite my tongue when well-meaning friends/family try to suggest self-publishing as an option for me. I KNOW they don't mean it in this way, but seriously. Every time someone suggests I try self-publishing, what that says to me is that they don't believe I can make it traditionally. They're saying to me that they think I'll have to self-publish because no one else will want me. While I know that's not really what they're saying, I wish people would think about how they might come across.
Personally, I'm just not going to feel like a published author if I don't see my book IN PRINT and ON SHELVES. I just don't think that having digital versions of my books floating around on Kindles and Nooks is going to feel the same. When reading books, I would much prefer to have the actual book in my hand. There's the feel of the book--the weight of it in my hands, the experience of actually getting to turn the pages. There's the smell of the paper and ink. There's the sound of the pages turning. All of these are experiences I love when reading a book, and scrolling down a screen just wouldn't be the same. According to this recent article, I'm not the only one who prefers actual books over a digital reader. I don't think traditional publishing is dying at all. Self-publishing may or may not be a fad. It may or may not be taking over the publishing world. But I don't think self-publishing is the same thing as traditional publishing. Traditional publishing involves more than just you (it involves people who know what they're doing and who know the publishing business), which, in my opinion, makes it more valid. If you think your writing is good, then it might be...or it might just be you. If an agent and editor think your writing is good, then yeah...it's probably good.
I am NOT trying to say that self-publishing isn't real publishing. What I will say is that there are times when it CAN be fake publishing. Amanda Hocking and others like her have proven that self-publishing can be a legitimate method of getting one's writing out to the world. She's built a strong online presence and has gathered a following. I applaud her for being able to do that. I'm actually a little bit jealous. With that being said, for every Amanda Hocking out there, there are probably about a gazillion John/Jane Does who think they can call themselves an "author" because they've self-published pages full of crappy drivel. I'm sure there are several good self-published writers out there who have put in a lot of time and effort editing and polishing their work before publishing it. I'm also sure there are several bad self-published writers who have not.
I don't have a problem with self-publishing in general. I have a problem with how easy it's become. Amanda Hocking tried traditional publishing before she attempted self-publishing. She put in the effort. It's not like she just decided "I'm going to write a book and self-publish it." She sent queries and got rejected before she went the self-publishing route--and now she's a millionaire. I have a lot of respect for her because she didn't just do things the easy way.
Now, let me also say that there's nothing wrong with self-publishing if you are just wanting to get a book out there for fun or whatever. Just please don't call yourself a "published author" in my presence unless you have some successful sale numbers to back up your claims. If you want to get something you wrote out there and have no goals of making any money or sales, then whatever. It really depends on what you want to accomplish through publishing.
I happen to have a dream of becoming a fairly successful author (and these days, a successful author can mean many different things). I don't just want to self-publish and have it done with. I want to see my name IN PRINT, my books IN PRINT, my books ON SHELVES. That's what I want. I also want an agent to represent me (because I have lousy business sense). The Amanda Hockings of the world apparently don't need agents to make a fortune and a name for themselves. I think that I do.
So I'm going to continue to try the traditional route. If the current book I'm trying to sell doesn't fly (it's my first book--first books are often dreadful), then I will look into small-time publishing NOT self-publishing. And then I'll try to seek representation for another book. Even if I go small-time on my first book (and the series that goes with it), I'm not giving up on my dream of being a successful published author.
With that being said, I have a lot of work ahead of me.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Breathing
I have two favorite definitions for the word "inspiration." The first is the obvious one that most people think of when they think of inspiration. It refers to that influence that causes a person to think or act a certain way. The other definition I like is a more scientific term that refers to the action of inhaling air into one's lungs.
The thing I like about both of these definitions is that I can understand perfectly how both definitions can apply to the same word. I think that, in some ways, the defintions mean basically the same thing. As a Christian, I believe that I am nothing more than animated dust--inspired dust. God has breathed in me, and that is the only reason I am able to breathe.
As a writer, I believe the breath of God is the inspiration behind everything else I do. I can't claim my writing ability as something I conjured up inside myself. In most cases, I can't even claim credit for a story idea. Every book I've written so far has been partly inspired by a literal dream--as in, I'd go to sleep and dream something that I've used as a story idea. A lot of more modernized, good happy little Christians are uncomfortable with the idea of God giving dreams and visions in this day and age. I guess I make people uncomfortable too, because I am okay with the idea of God giving me dreams and visions whenever He wants to.
I'm definitely okay with God breathing in me. He doesn't breathe in me the same way He breathes in others. There are many gifts, but one Giver. Writing isn't the only gift I have, but I can't deny that it's something I only possess because the Lord willed to give it to me.
It's kind of lame, but I first saw this quote on a "Piece of Flair" from that silly Facebook application. The quote reads: "God breathed the breath of life in me. When I write, I exhale." That silly "Piece of Flair" sums me up fairly well.
I also find it interesting that the word "expire" has some different/same definitions. It refers to the act of exhaling, of expelling air from one's lungs. And if one were to fail to breathe in again, that expiration would lead to another definition of expiration--death. At the same time, if someone were to somehow fail to expell air from one's lungs after breathing in, they would also expire. They would cease to live. And figuratively speaking, if we're not breathing as the Lord intended, then we're not really living--we've expired.
God breathed in us so that we would breathe. He inspires us and calls us to expire. We so often get all worked up over purpose and meaning in life. Well, I pretty much know the meaning of life. It's to live. It's to live abundantly to the glory of the One who breathes in us. All of us have different gifts, but we're all pretty much called to do the same things.
We are called to seek God and His Kingdom. We are called to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We are all called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We're called to be peacemakers; we're called to be poor in spirit; we're called to be pure of heart. "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8. If we're doing those things and trusting the One who gives us breath, the rest is going to fall into place.
But after 30 years of breathing, I think I've finally figured out that God really likes me to exhale His breath through my writing. That's pretty much the purpose of this blog.
The thing I like about both of these definitions is that I can understand perfectly how both definitions can apply to the same word. I think that, in some ways, the defintions mean basically the same thing. As a Christian, I believe that I am nothing more than animated dust--inspired dust. God has breathed in me, and that is the only reason I am able to breathe.
As a writer, I believe the breath of God is the inspiration behind everything else I do. I can't claim my writing ability as something I conjured up inside myself. In most cases, I can't even claim credit for a story idea. Every book I've written so far has been partly inspired by a literal dream--as in, I'd go to sleep and dream something that I've used as a story idea. A lot of more modernized, good happy little Christians are uncomfortable with the idea of God giving dreams and visions in this day and age. I guess I make people uncomfortable too, because I am okay with the idea of God giving me dreams and visions whenever He wants to.
I'm definitely okay with God breathing in me. He doesn't breathe in me the same way He breathes in others. There are many gifts, but one Giver. Writing isn't the only gift I have, but I can't deny that it's something I only possess because the Lord willed to give it to me.
It's kind of lame, but I first saw this quote on a "Piece of Flair" from that silly Facebook application. The quote reads: "God breathed the breath of life in me. When I write, I exhale." That silly "Piece of Flair" sums me up fairly well.
I also find it interesting that the word "expire" has some different/same definitions. It refers to the act of exhaling, of expelling air from one's lungs. And if one were to fail to breathe in again, that expiration would lead to another definition of expiration--death. At the same time, if someone were to somehow fail to expell air from one's lungs after breathing in, they would also expire. They would cease to live. And figuratively speaking, if we're not breathing as the Lord intended, then we're not really living--we've expired.
God breathed in us so that we would breathe. He inspires us and calls us to expire. We so often get all worked up over purpose and meaning in life. Well, I pretty much know the meaning of life. It's to live. It's to live abundantly to the glory of the One who breathes in us. All of us have different gifts, but we're all pretty much called to do the same things.
We are called to seek God and His Kingdom. We are called to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We are all called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We're called to be peacemakers; we're called to be poor in spirit; we're called to be pure of heart. "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8. If we're doing those things and trusting the One who gives us breath, the rest is going to fall into place.
But after 30 years of breathing, I think I've finally figured out that God really likes me to exhale His breath through my writing. That's pretty much the purpose of this blog.
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