This week has been really good, especially compared to some recent weeks. The difference is that I've kind of stopped worrying about everything so much.
I've reviewed the list of goals I made for 2012. Need a refresher? I did.
--Get website up and running (and preferably growing)
--Complete a full edit of second novel
--"Run" (waddle/jog) a half marathon
--Record at least one music cd
--Write at least one encouraging note to a different person for every week of this year
--Read through the entire Bible again
--Learn at least one more knitting stitch
--Get back to a comfortable size six pant size
I'm doing well on some of these goals. I've already gotten back to that size six--and as of this morning's weigh in, I've reached that unwritten goal, too! I've registered and begun training for that half marathon! I'm slightly ahead of schedule on my Bible reading plan. I've only just finished editing chapter two of the second novel, but at least I'm doing SOMETHING with that.
Other things, I'm not doing well on...AT ALL...and I was getting discouraged. But I'm learning that there's no reason to worry about it.
For instance, that website I wanted to get started LAST year? It's not anywhere close to being ready. And that's not 100% my fault. I'm dependent on the help of someone else, and that person has had a lot going on. I was worried about it, but not anymore. In fact, I came to the realization this week that I haven't had time for this website, and I'm not just talking about getting it started. If this website were up and running, I currently would not have time to devote to it. If this website were up and running, it would not be as good as it could be because I wouldn't have time to give it proper attention. So, in a weird way, it's a blessing that it hasn't come together yet. I have full confidence that it will, one way or another, come together. I just realize that it's not time for it to happen yet. When it happens, I'll be ready. I think.... At least I'll be more ready than I am now.
I'm not trying to justify procrastination, but there are several goals that I just don't have time for right now. I've pretty much given up on my goal of writing an encouraging note to at least one person every week. I tried, but didn't even make it three weeks into the year. Why? Because it felt forced. Because I was exhausted with everything else I was doing that when I sat down to write the letter, I couldn't come up with any words that didn't sound generic. So you know, it wasn't a horrible idea, and maybe I'll attempt something like that later. But this year, I'm not writing an encouraging note a week. That doesn't mean I'm not writing encouraging notes; when the mood strikes me, I will. It's just not something that I'm making a point to do every week, anymore.
I haven't recorded any music yet. Not sure when I will. I'm dependent on someone else, but I haven't made any real steps towards contacting the people I need to contact. I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for on that...I guess I'm just a coward. Or too busy. Or both. At the same time.
I also haven't learned any other knitting stitches, but I'll save that one for next fall and winter (AKA knitting season). Maybe. Or maybe not. It's just not that crucial. But it could be fun!
Right now, I'm trying to learn how to prioritize. It's a hard lesson. With almost a quarter of the year gone (really? really.), it's time to start buckling down. But yeah, I only have so much time with which to do things. Part of me thinks I just have too many goals, and maybe I do. Maybe I have a good number of goals, but I just need to learn how to work on one thing at a time. It's hard to learn how to swallow a whale. You have to take it one bite at a time. I get overwhelmed and try to do too many things at once.
Life isn't about checking things off a list. Life is about living. The things I want to accomplish in 2012 are good things, but if I don't accomplish all of them, or if I don't accomplish them as quickly as I want to accomplish them, then that is not going to ruin my entire life. What has been making my life more stressful lately isn't the goals themselves, but the way I get myself worked up over them.
Is it important for me to keep a fairly consistent running schedule? Yes, but if I miss one of my long runs for a week b/c of scheduling issues or weather, it's not the end of the world. Is it important for me to edit this novel? Yes, but if I'm exhausted at the end of the day from working and running, then it's not going to kill me if I go to sleep instead of working on it. Is it important for me to get the website started and record a cd? Yes, but I need to give those things over to God instead of getting upset because they aren't totally in my control.
I've got only so much time. We all only have so much time. Work is important. Doing important things is important (is that too much of a "duh statement"?). But honestly, sometimes I just forget to settle down and enjoy life.
--I want to breathe more and stress less
--I want to make an effort to truly enjoy the people God has put into my life
--I want to edit another chapter of my book
--I want to keep up with my running schedule, which includes another 8 mile stretch. So close to that 13(.1) miles now!
--I want to finish rereading The Hunger Games
--I want to apply for a full time job for the fall (I don't want to say much about it on the blog yet, but please be in prayer as I make steps towards a job change)
--I want to end my strict calorie restriction with a GINORMOUS piece of birthday cake (or some other totally frivolous dessert(s)) before starting my less strict calorie restriction (AKA weight maintenance)