Monday Blahg: The Life Coach

Some weeks, I just have to accept that I'm not going to be productive.  This was one of those weeks.  I worked about 50 hours--and my work schedule was all over the place.  I also ran 13.25 miles at one time (and also found time to work out two other days last week).  I kept up with my blogging, and somehow miraculously found the time to finish rereading the book I'd been wanting to review, as well as read another entirely different book.  I've at least made a good attempt at getting back into regularly praying and reading the Bible.  I'm still playing catch-up, and might be for a while, but I'm not stressing about it anymore.

Sometimes you just have to do what you have time to do, and not stress about it. 

I was feeling pretty lousy about my time-management and productivity last Monday.  I went into work (after oversleeping, being five minutes late, and just generally feeling like I seriously needed to get my act together) at the drop-in center.  Surprisingly, I had a really good/random attitude going on.  I started verbalizing my thoughts to the kids: "Hey kids, Miss Ruth needs help getting her life together.  I need a life coach.  Any takers?"  Since the majority of the kids were under the age of five, no one really had the slightest clue what I was talking about.  That's okay, because I'm pretty sure I didn't have a clue what I was talking about, either.

Since no one immediately volunteered, I turned to the youngest kid there, a 23 month old boy.  "Hey *insert child's name here*, would you like to be my life coach?"

He kind of babbled a little and squealed.  I took that as a "Yes."

So I shook the kid's hand and said, "Okay, Coach.  Tell me how to get my life together."

The kid laughed, ran away, climbed up the slide, and went into the play tunnel. 

I shrugged and climbed up the slide to join him.

Now, I've been working at that particular drop-in center for more than six years.  In those six years, I've probably only been inside that tunnel six times--like maybe once a year--and five of those times I only went in the tunnel because there was some screaming child who refused to get out of it and needed me to go in after him/her.  The tunnel is dark and scary, and although we sanitize it every night, my brain still tells me that is infested with "khe cooties."  But Coach showed me it was time to just forget the "kid cooties," drop my serious attitude, and go ahead and climb inside the tunnel.  So I did. 

Two years ago, I would have probably been too fat to be comfortable inside the tunnel.  But I'm sixty pounds lighter now than I was then, so the tunnel didn't seem as cramped as it did in years past.  And I followed Coach all the way through the play tunnel, laughing at the absurdity of it all, laughing because Coach taught me something important:

Don't worry.  Stop stressing.  Just go with it.  Laugh.  Have fun.  You can't control everything, so just do what you can and enjoy LIFE.

Then, after our romp through the play tunnel, Coach pointed the the floor. I interpreted this to mean that he wanted me to "drop and give him 20."  I dropped and gave him...4.  Well, it was more like 3 and a half.  He laughed at me.  23 months old and he was laughing at my feeble attempt to do push-ups.

And I didn't just make that last part up.  The other grown-up there saw the whole thing. 

...she laughed at me, too.

So, yeah.  This week?  Did I get all the grown up stuff done that I was supposed to get done?  No.  In fact, I consider it a huge accomplishment that I remembered to get new stickers and registration for my license plate this week.  That was my grown-up accomplishment for the week.  Getting my car legal.  The rest?  I worked a lot.  I ran a lot.  I tried to get to bed on time.  I tried to wake up and get to work on time.  And if I managed to get anything done between those things, then, well, that was pretty good for me.  Honestly, sometimes you just have to let things go and trust that God's going to provide.  It's all about balance.  Have I ever mentioned here that I'm not very good at that?

This next week shouldn't be quite so busy, though...so while it's good not to worry, it's also good to be responsible. 

--I do hope to get this job application DONE this week.  That's my goal.  I need to set a deadline if it's going to happen.

--I want to actually look at some of my writing and at least make some plans for what I want to do with it--nothing major.  I just want to get some ideas flowing for when I have more time to devote to it.

--I want to run 10 miles in preparation for my half-marathon.  I now know I can do it because I did it.  I ran over the required 13.1 miles.  And astonishingly, I ran it in the time I hoped to run it.  The day of the race, I'm kind of hoping for a better time, but there are so many variables.  The climate will be a little different since it's in a different state--but I'm hoping it will be cooler since it's further north.  I'm running around a reservoir, so I'm hoping it won't be too humid.  I'm really hoping it doesn't rain, although that would be better than scorching heat/sunshine--which probably won't be the case since it starts at 7 in the morning.  Also, I'm not sure about the hills on the course--as much as I hate hills, my legs hate them even more.  People say that adrenaline will kick in the day of the race, so I should be able to run faster, but from my past experiences, that's probably not going to be the case.  Honestly, I will be happy if I finish under 3 hours, but I'm hoping for under 2:45.  Okay, so I'm hoping for under 2:40, but we'll see what happens.  Just the fact that I'm doing this is still pretty miraculous.  God has just amazed me in the past year--how He's changed my mind and body.  It's incredible.

--I want to reread a book for a review.  We'll see what happens.  I'm hoping to do a few book reviews in the next few weeks--these aren't for books that I've been asked to review.  I just like doing it--letting other readers know what's out there.  If you have friends that read a lot and are looking for new stuff to read, be sure to direct them to my blog. 

--I need to figure out my living situation.  Like, now.  I think I'm in denial that my roommate is moving, and that I will probably have to move, as well.  I don't like being a grown-up.  Sometimes, it's fun to crawl through tunnels and not have to worry about stuff, but I think that even Coach would agree that sometimes grown-ups have to be grown-ups. 

...he probably also agrees that it's pretty pathetic that I can only do 4 push-ups.

Okay, okay...so it was more like 3 and a half.

Happy Monday Funday!

Monday Blahg: Priorities

This week has been really good, especially compared to some recent weeks.  The difference is that I've kind of stopped worrying about everything so much. 

I've reviewed the list of goals I made for 2012.  Need a refresher?  I did.

2012 Goals:

--Get website up and running (and preferably growing)
--Complete a full edit of second novel
--"Run" (waddle/jog) a half marathon
--Record at least one music cd
--Write at least one encouraging note to a different person for every week of this year
--Read through the entire Bible again
--Learn at least one more knitting stitch
--Get back to a comfortable size six pant size

I'm doing well on some of these goals.  I've already gotten back to that size six--and as of this morning's weigh in, I've reached that unwritten goal, too!  I've registered and begun training for that half marathon!  I'm slightly ahead of schedule on my Bible reading plan.  I've only just finished editing chapter two of the second novel, but at least I'm doing SOMETHING with that. 

Other things, I'm not doing well on...AT ALL...and I was getting discouraged.  But I'm learning that there's no reason to worry about it.

For instance, that website I wanted to get started LAST year?  It's not anywhere close to being ready.  And that's not 100% my fault.  I'm dependent on the help of someone else, and that person has had a lot going on.  I was worried about it, but not anymore.  In fact, I came to the realization this week that I haven't had time for this website, and I'm not just talking about getting it started.  If this website were up and running, I currently would not have time to devote to it.  If this website were up and running, it would not be as good as it could be because I wouldn't have time to give it proper attention.  So, in a weird way, it's a blessing that it hasn't come together yet.  I have full confidence that it will, one way or another, come together.  I just realize that it's not time for it to happen yet.  When it happens, I'll be ready.  I think....  At least I'll be more ready than I am now.

I'm not trying to justify procrastination, but there are several goals that I just don't have time for right now.  I've pretty much given up on my goal of writing an encouraging note to at least one person every week.  I tried, but didn't even make it three weeks into the year.  Why?  Because it felt forced.  Because I was exhausted with everything else I was doing that when I sat down to write the letter, I couldn't come up with any words that didn't sound generic.  So you know, it wasn't a horrible idea, and maybe I'll attempt something like that later.  But this year, I'm not writing an encouraging note a week.  That doesn't mean I'm not writing encouraging notes; when the mood strikes me, I will.  It's just not something that I'm making a point to do every week, anymore.

I haven't recorded any music yet.  Not sure when I will.  I'm dependent on someone else, but I haven't made any real steps towards contacting the people I need to contact.  I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for on that...I guess I'm just a coward.  Or too busy.  Or both.  At the same time.

I also haven't learned any other knitting stitches, but I'll save that one for next fall and winter (AKA knitting season).  Maybe.  Or maybe not.  It's just not that crucial.  But it could be fun!

Right now, I'm trying to learn how to prioritize.  It's a hard lesson.  With almost a quarter of the year gone (really? really.), it's time to start buckling down.  But yeah, I only have so much time with which to do things.  Part of me thinks I just have too many goals, and maybe I do.  Maybe I have a good number of goals, but I just need to learn how to work on one thing at a time.  It's hard to learn how to swallow a whale.  You have to take it one bite at a time.  I get overwhelmed and try to do too many things at once.

Life isn't about checking things off a list.  Life is about living.  The things I want to accomplish in 2012 are good things, but if I don't accomplish all of them, or if I don't accomplish them as quickly as I want to accomplish them, then that is not going to ruin my entire life.  What has been making my life more stressful lately isn't the goals themselves, but the way I get myself worked up over them.

Is it important for me to keep a fairly consistent running schedule?  Yes, but if I miss one of my long runs for a week b/c of scheduling issues or weather, it's not the end of the world.  Is it important for me to edit this novel?  Yes, but if I'm exhausted at the end of the day from working and running, then it's not going to kill me if I go to sleep instead of working on it.  Is it important for me to get the website started and record a cd?  Yes, but I need to give those things over to God instead of getting upset because they aren't totally in my control.

I've got only so much time.  We all only have so much time.  Work is important.  Doing important things is important (is that too much of a "duh statement"?).  But honestly, sometimes I just forget to settle down and enjoy life. 

This week:

--I want to breathe more and stress less
--I want to make an effort to truly enjoy the people God has put into my life
--I want to edit another chapter of my book
--I want to keep up with my running schedule, which includes another 8 mile stretch.  So close to that 13(.1) miles now!
--I want to finish rereading The Hunger Games
--I want to apply for a full time job for the fall (I don't want to say much about it on the blog yet, but please be in prayer as I make steps towards a job change)
--I want to end my strict calorie restriction with a GINORMOUS piece of birthday cake (or some other totally frivolous dessert(s)) before starting my less strict calorie restriction (AKA weight maintenance)

Happy Monday!

SEW Sunday: Profit

In my Bible reading, I've been going through Proverbs for the past few days.  I read Proverbs 14 last night.  Honestly, some of the Proverbs seem pointless, like Proverbs 14:5 "A trustworthy witness will not lie, but a false witness utters lies."  Um...not to be rude, Solomon...but doesn't that kind of, um...go without saying?

Then there are Proverbs that really make me think, like Proverbs 14:23 "In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

I have worked A LOT this week.  Every day, Monday through Saturday, I worked at LEAST two jobs.  I've worked more than 50 hours, not counting the time it took me to drive from one job to the other.  I've also had to take my car to two different places and spent a LOT of money trying to get it fixed up--and it's still not all done.

Sometimes I just really feel like I'm working ALL the time, and just when I start to get ahead (or even just caught up with things) financially, I have to put money into something else.  The other day I was sitting in the tire shop while they put two new tires on my car that will probably wear out within a year because I'm too broke to afford the repair my car needs to ensure my wheels are in proper alignment.  And I was texting my mom.  I texted her something like, "I'm always working.  I'm always broke.  I NEED TO SELL MY NOVEL."

And I'm smart enough to know that's probably not going to solve all my problems...because writers, even published ones, are often pretty broke.  If I sold my book, I probably couldn't quit any of my day jobs...but then I do keep hoping I strike gold like J. K. Rowling...if only.

But that's not the main issue here.

I have been doing a lot of talking.  There are definitely a lot of things I still need to do before sending any queries.  Have I done them?  No.  I've just talked about doing them. 

Now, I've got a butt load of excuses, and I think them reasonable.  After the week I just had, I know there is no way I could have squeezed in any writing activities.  In fact I haven't written down a single word of a story since LAST Sunday afternoon.  I'm a writer who hasn't written anything on a project in a week.  I have simply not had the time.  And that sucks, but that's the way it goes some weeks.

This upcoming week doesn't look too promising, either.  I'm working two jobs Monday, two jobs Tuesday, two jobs Wednesday, and on Thursday I'm definitely working one job and I'm on call for another.  If I don't get called in to that other job, I'm going to leave town on Thursday to go visit family in KY (if I end up working Thursday night, I plan to leave Friday morning).  And I'll be gone all weekend.  My bro is graduating college.  My dad and oldest niece both have birthdays.  There's a possibility I'll have to work on a song to sing at my parent's church.  Do you think I'm going to have time for writing?  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
No.

So basically, my current project is on a standstill until I have time to do something with it.  I don't have time to work on stuff for queries.  Editing is out of the question.  Reading for fun/inspiration is the furthest thing from my mind.

And it's easy to get discouraged in the midst of a busy schedule.  It's easy to say, "Well, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a writer, so I'm a failure."  And I do have to say that I'm convicted by Proverbs 14:23.  I do a lot of talking about my writing, but how much am I doing with my writing?

But that verse doesn't say "...in only the HARDEST work there is profit."  It says, "In ALL work there is profit."  I'm doing what I can do with my writing at the moment, and trusting there will be more time for it later.  The question then is, "What WILL I do with it when I have the time?"  Will I do the work I need to do, or will I just continue to talk about it?

In the meantime, I'm not doing a lot of writing.  I'm doing a lot of working with kids.  I gotta say, sometimes, I'd rather be writing.  Right now, though, I have to trust that the work I am doing is going to lead to some kind of profit...hopefully monetary, so I can keep paying my bills, but it's more than that. 

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about different things.  He's teaching me how to praise Him in every circumstance, and how WE NEED to praise Him.  God desires our praise, but He also wants us to praise Him because we need to praise Him.  That's what we were designed to do--and I've noticed that when I'm praising Him, I just function better in general.  And so this stressful week has been really unexpectedly good.  I've worked my butt off (not quite literally, though I may have lost a little weight in that general area) this week.  I've had emotional ups and downs.  I've gotten some really nice paychecks that had to be put right back into expenses for my car.  I've taken opportunities to offer help to others, and I've had to be humble and ask for help for myself.  I've seen friends I haven't seen in months and even years.  I've talked a lot about what God has done and about what He is doing and what He will do.  I've failed.  I've succeeded.  I've ran and breathed and rested and hoped and prayed and dreamed and rejoiced and cried and worked and sang and LIVED. 

And I've realized again how much I really love my crazy, wild, wonderful life.

After all I've done against God, I don't deserve for the Lord to love me enough to test me and shape me.  But He does.  And He will continue to do so.  And I know in His timing that my life and my writing are going to become what He wants them to be.  I just have to wait for it and keep working and praying and resting in Him.  Talking is fine, but all work leads to profit...and I believe that to be both monetary and Spiritual profit. 

So I pray I work and worship and live this life He's given me.  If I'm doing the things I know I'm supposed to be doing, I don't believe He's going to lead me astray.