Love Always Hopes

I'm not an optimist.

But I'm not a pessimist, either.

Some people see the glass as half full.  Some see the glass as half empty.  All I know is that if it's 8 or 9 in the morning, and there's only half a cup of coffee, then somebody is most likely gonna get hurt...and it's probably going to be whoever drank half my coffee. 

I'm a realist, which some optimists like to say is the same thing as being a pessimist, but they're wrong.  A pessimist looks at the bad side of things, and while I do that sometimes, usually I try to see a situation as it really is.  And if you really start thinking about it, Jesus was probably a realist, too.

The difference between Jesus and me is that Jesus was focused on others, while I tend to be focused on myself.  I do think about others, but to be honest, it's in a way that reflects back on myself.  I count my blessings, thankful that I'm healthier than others or that I'm better off than others, or that, through grace, I was spared a lot of pain that others are having to experience.  And when I do think about others, it's limited by my own understanding, so I'm often not seeing people as people, but I'm seeing them as labels.  I'm not seeing a man who God loves, I'm seeing a homeless man who needs to be pitied.  I'm not seeing a woman whom God is using, I'm seeing a helpless widow.  And it's not bad to want to help people who need to be helped, but there seems something wrong about seeing labels where people should be.

Jesus saw people.  He saw a woman at a well.  He didn't overlook her sin, yet he didn't label her by it.  And because He saw her, she was changed.  Jesus saw a rich man.  He looked at him and loved him.  But this man defined himself by his riches, instead of seeing himself as he was--as Jesus saw him--a man in need of grace.  And he went away sad.

And right now I'm seeing friends who are seriously ill.  I'm seeing friends going through divorces.  I'm seeing friends who are going through financial problems and emotional turmoil.  I'm seeing friends who are without Christ, who are striving to find fulfillment in themselves.  And I pray for all of these people, asking for change and healing and grace.

Hope is a difficult thing sometimes.  Realistically, it seems as though I keep asking for the same things, the same healing, the same changes.  And honestly, I'm not sure if any of these things I'm hoping for in the lives of others are going to come to pass. 

But I've been reminded recently that love always hopes.  And if I'm to see people as they are, if I'm to love them, then part of that involves hope.  I'm not an optimist, but if I really care about people, then I'm going to keep hoping on their behalf.  And I'm going to believe that my prayers are heard.

Sunday Update: So It Begins

I have discovered that I can't read and write at the same time.  Well, I figure most people can't do that--meaning they can't literally be reading something and be writing something completely different at the same time.  Unless, of course, one were a two-headed monster, with two brains--which, in my opinion, that monster would constitute as two people, if, in fact, monsters could be considered people.  I'm not going to venture an opinion on that because I don't want to inadvertently insult any monsters, two-headed or otherwise.

Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland."  In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.

Ahem. 

Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading.  I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books.  If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book.  If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that.  I can't keep both going at the same time.  So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while.  I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased.  When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.

Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers.  The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school.  Preschool has started.  I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too.  I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them.  But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:

1) Make some minor adjustments to first book.  Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book.  Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book.  As soon as possible.

2) Edit second book like crazy.  Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it.  Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.

3) Um.  Project?  Experiment?  Idea?  Yeah.  You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.

Here's the deal.  I'm not much of a goal-setter.  I never have been.  I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals.  So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week.  It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.

If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now.  I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything.  I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.

I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog.  I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project.  It's more of an experiment right now.  I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short.  In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail).  Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say.  That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort.  That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following.  And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands. 

So please be in prayer.  Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this.  Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc.  I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction.  I do ask for direction, too.  I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward.  It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet.  I can't know the answers before I take the test.  Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me.  Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it. 

And this isn't about me anyway.  If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment.  It's not about me.  It's not about single people.  It's not about married people.  It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.

So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects.  I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take.  I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not.  If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter.  In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter.  I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not.  It's just going to be what it is.  And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet.  I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.

Pray.