So, I know everyone was waiting around with bated breath for my Wednesday post, and I know you were all heartbroken when it never appeared. Riiiiight.
Well, I did write a Wednesday post. I scheduled it to post yesterday morning, and for whatever reason, it didn't post when I told it to. It doesn't really matter, because basically all I said in that post was that I didn't feel like writing a post and was going to go to bed instead. Because sometimes we all need to do that.
Anyway, I'm making up for the lame/nonexistent post by giving you a bonus Thursday post. I know, you were all on the edges of your seats for that one, just praying I'd come through and not leave you hanging with just two posts for the week.
Yeah.
So, it's a couple days after Valentine's Day. The kids' sugar highs and crashes are all slowly tapering off. I've still got about a dozen and a half pink mini cupcakes in my freezer. I've still got a small stash of chocolate given to me by kids (or their parents) and friends and coworkers, and hopefully that will last me a while. But all in all, I'm feeling almost like it's a couple of days after Christmas. It's kind of a sad, wistful feeling. I am sad because it's going to be a whole year before Valentine's Day season comes again.
Soon, I'll be packing away my Valentine's decorations. I'll be taking down the Valentine's cards that I taped to my bedroom door. I'll be eating the chocolate. The season has passed and won't come back again until next year.
I love Valentine's Day.
I love pretty much any day that allows me to celebrate and share gifts with people that are important to me.
There are some people who don't like Valentine's Day, either because it's too commercialized, or because they don't like the idea of having just one day set aside to share with the love of their lives, or because their spouse is deceased or is separated from them because of work, military, etc. There are people who have been divorced or who have ended meaningful relationships since last Valentine's Day. There are people who simply can't face another year of being alone and single on Valentine's Day.
I'm not making light of these peoples' pain. I am not saying that they're doing anything wrong by hurting. I don't know what's going on in their hearts, what's gone on in their lives. It's okay to be sad on Valentine's Day.
But I've just got to say that it makes me flat out mad when someone expects me to be sad on Valentine's Day. A few well-meaning people have tried to offer me some consolation for being single on Valentine's Day. These consolations came without provocation; I wasn't asking for it. The problem is that these people with good intentions just automatically assume that all single people are miserable, and that really bothers me.
First of all, I'm not miserable. I LOVE Valentine's Day. It irks me when people call it "Single Awareness Day," because that's not the way I look at Valentine's Day at all. I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity because I don't have a boyfriend or husband. I don't see Valentine's Day as a day to receive material gifts from one particular person who loves me. I don't see Valentine's Day as a day just to celebrate the love between myself and one significant other. There are PLENTY of others in my life whom I view as significant. I like to see Valentine's Day as a day to express my love for all the significant others in my life. To me, Valentine's Day is a joyful day, and it's really annoying (and even confusing) when someone comes along trying to offer me consolation in the midst of a day that I love and greatly enjoy.
Second...dude. Stop perpetuating the "all single people are bitter hags" stereotype. I'm not bitter because I'm single, but I AM angry at people who won't accept any other attitude from single people. It's wonderful that you love your spouse so much that you can't imagine not living life without him or her. I'm really happy for you. For me, and a lot of other single individuals, we can imagine living life without a spouse. We can imagine it because we live it day in and day out, and guess what...there is life without marriage, and it's not just surviving. My life is full and blessed. Does that mean I don't ever want to get married? No. I wouldn't mind having a husband and adopting some kids (or so I think). But I'm more than okay if I don't get married. I've got a lot more than I deserve. I love my life, and it's frustrating when people tell me that I can't love my life simply because I'm not married.
Look, it's not that I don't appreciate the gesture from these well-meaning people. I do realize they were trying to be supportive, and their effort counts, even if it was misguided. The thing is, these attitudes are born in ignorance. People often feel as though they have to say something, so they say the wrong thing. And I realize that I'm also very ignorant of things that are going on in other peoples' lives. This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm hoping to get the new website up and running soon (praying God will let it happen at the right time and in the right ways, because my tendency is to get discouraged that it's not happening as soon as I want it to). My hopes are that a lot of stereotypes and wrong attitudes will be corrected, and that people who do have legitimate pain and needs will have a place to gain some support from others who can relate, or who, at the very least, care.
And caring, even in ignorance, is still a pretty good thing. So I guess I'm blessed to have friends who care enough to try to encourage me--even if their encouragement is totally unwarranted.
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday Blahg: Blah, Indeed
This past week has been discouraging in many ways, and I don't handle discouragement very well.
-The writing/editing has practically been non-existent.
-I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to meet a deadline I made for myself regarding the website/blog I want to start soon. And by the way, it has been brought to my attention that I need to clarify something about this website/blog. It is NOT going to be a single's website. I've had several people refer to it as a single's website, and I'm not sure where that miscommunication occured. I thought I had been pretty clear that if single people are the only people who visit, read, comment on, and can relate to the blog I'm hoping to start (dare I hope, next week?--if all the stars align), then I might as well just forget the whole thing. I'm a single person, yes, and I'm writing from that perspective, but with the hopes that people with other perspectives will give them to me, to the other readers. I want it to be a community, a place where many different people from different marital, etc. backgrounds can find common ground and unity. I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another and find ways to minister to one another better, all with the single purpose of glorifying God. I know it's going to be a rough start, getting others involved, and sometimes I get discouraged about that. Sometimes I want to just drop the whole idea, but I know this vision is something God gave me. I can't allow discouragement to keep me from trusting and obeying, and eventually seeing God's work come to life.
-I do owe on my taxes. It's not nearly as much as last year, and it's managable, but it's still a discouraging amount. It's even more discouraging because I was hoping to get a little something back this year. And while I LOVE my jobs, I'm starting to realize that it's not financially responsible for me to keep doing things the way I've been doing them. That saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"? Yeah. I can relate. I'm going to start looking into getting something full time, which I don't want to do, but I can't keep working myself half to death and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. Plus, it's killing me to have work take out extra money on every paycheck, and I STILL end up having to pay out of pocket when tax time comes. I'm not doing my taxes incorrectly; it's just that being single and having four jobs doesn't make for a happy tax season. So hooray. I love my work, but unfortunately that's not good enough anymore. I just hope I don't end up working in aprison box padded cell cubicle.
-The running is going a little better. I got back up to 4 miles, which is a far cry from the 13.1 I want to accomplish this year, but it's better than last week. I could barely manage 2 miles last week, for whatever reason. I need to kick it up a notch, soon. I need to actually start training--not that I have a race date in mind yet, but I might as well be prepared for anything.
-The diet is going well, too. Can't complain there. I even get marshmallows and chocolate from time to time.
-God has been faithful this week to remind me of my weaknesses. I've had a rough week. I've been broken in several different ways. And I figure that's kind of where He wanted me, where He wants me. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can be healed. It's not a happy place to be, but I know there's always mercy in the struggle.
Happy Monday! I'm hoping this week is better than the last!
-The writing/editing has practically been non-existent.
-I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to meet a deadline I made for myself regarding the website/blog I want to start soon. And by the way, it has been brought to my attention that I need to clarify something about this website/blog. It is NOT going to be a single's website. I've had several people refer to it as a single's website, and I'm not sure where that miscommunication occured. I thought I had been pretty clear that if single people are the only people who visit, read, comment on, and can relate to the blog I'm hoping to start (dare I hope, next week?--if all the stars align), then I might as well just forget the whole thing. I'm a single person, yes, and I'm writing from that perspective, but with the hopes that people with other perspectives will give them to me, to the other readers. I want it to be a community, a place where many different people from different marital, etc. backgrounds can find common ground and unity. I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another and find ways to minister to one another better, all with the single purpose of glorifying God. I know it's going to be a rough start, getting others involved, and sometimes I get discouraged about that. Sometimes I want to just drop the whole idea, but I know this vision is something God gave me. I can't allow discouragement to keep me from trusting and obeying, and eventually seeing God's work come to life.
-I do owe on my taxes. It's not nearly as much as last year, and it's managable, but it's still a discouraging amount. It's even more discouraging because I was hoping to get a little something back this year. And while I LOVE my jobs, I'm starting to realize that it's not financially responsible for me to keep doing things the way I've been doing them. That saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"? Yeah. I can relate. I'm going to start looking into getting something full time, which I don't want to do, but I can't keep working myself half to death and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. Plus, it's killing me to have work take out extra money on every paycheck, and I STILL end up having to pay out of pocket when tax time comes. I'm not doing my taxes incorrectly; it's just that being single and having four jobs doesn't make for a happy tax season. So hooray. I love my work, but unfortunately that's not good enough anymore. I just hope I don't end up working in a
-The running is going a little better. I got back up to 4 miles, which is a far cry from the 13.1 I want to accomplish this year, but it's better than last week. I could barely manage 2 miles last week, for whatever reason. I need to kick it up a notch, soon. I need to actually start training--not that I have a race date in mind yet, but I might as well be prepared for anything.
-The diet is going well, too. Can't complain there. I even get marshmallows and chocolate from time to time.
-God has been faithful this week to remind me of my weaknesses. I've had a rough week. I've been broken in several different ways. And I figure that's kind of where He wanted me, where He wants me. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can be healed. It's not a happy place to be, but I know there's always mercy in the struggle.
Happy Monday! I'm hoping this week is better than the last!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday Update: So It Begins
I have discovered that I can't read and write at the same time. Well, I figure most people can't do that--meaning they can't literally be reading something and be writing something completely different at the same time. Unless, of course, one were a two-headed monster, with two brains--which, in my opinion, that monster would constitute as two people, if, in fact, monsters could be considered people. I'm not going to venture an opinion on that because I don't want to inadvertently insult any monsters, two-headed or otherwise.
Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland." In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.
Ahem.
Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading. I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books. If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book. If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that. I can't keep both going at the same time. So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while. I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased. When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.
Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers. The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school. Preschool has started. I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too. I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them. But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:
1) Make some minor adjustments to first book. Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book. Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book. As soon as possible.
2) Edit second book like crazy. Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it. Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.
3) Um. Project? Experiment? Idea? Yeah. You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.
Here's the deal. I'm not much of a goal-setter. I never have been. I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals. So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week. It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.
If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now. I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything. I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.
I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog. I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project. It's more of an experiment right now. I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short. In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail). Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say. That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort. That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following. And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands.
So please be in prayer. Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this. Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc. I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction. I do ask for direction, too. I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward. It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet. I can't know the answers before I take the test. Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me. Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it.
And this isn't about me anyway. If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment. It's not about me. It's not about single people. It's not about married people. It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.
So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects. I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take. I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not. If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter. In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter. I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not. It's just going to be what it is. And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet. I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.
Pray.
Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland." In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.
Ahem.
Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading. I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books. If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book. If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that. I can't keep both going at the same time. So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while. I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased. When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.
Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers. The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school. Preschool has started. I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too. I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them. But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:
1) Make some minor adjustments to first book. Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book. Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book. As soon as possible.
2) Edit second book like crazy. Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it. Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.
3) Um. Project? Experiment? Idea? Yeah. You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.
Here's the deal. I'm not much of a goal-setter. I never have been. I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals. So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week. It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.
If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now. I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything. I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.
I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog. I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project. It's more of an experiment right now. I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short. In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail). Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say. That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort. That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following. And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands.
So please be in prayer. Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this. Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc. I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction. I do ask for direction, too. I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward. It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet. I can't know the answers before I take the test. Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me. Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it.
And this isn't about me anyway. If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment. It's not about me. It's not about single people. It's not about married people. It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.
So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects. I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take. I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not. If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter. In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter. I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not. It's just going to be what it is. And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet. I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.
Pray.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Ideas are Noisy: Possible New Project Idea
It's not a Sunday, Wednesday, nor Friday, yet I am blogging. I have something to say.
There's been an idea bouncing around in my head for awhile. It keeps bouncing--boing! boing! boing! I'm not ready to act on it, I don't think. I've got a lot of stuff I need to do, and I'm really sick of starting projects that I never finish. So I'm not trying to get anyone too excited about anything...yet.
But I'd like to request prayer and maybe even some preliminary thoughts on this idea that I'm thinking about. I'd like to delve a little into the scary scary world of nonfiction. The idea that's been boinging around in my head is about the role of single adults in the church.
I've jotted down a few things, but really, there are so many directions this project could go. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do much more than just let the idea bounce around some more, but I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on the subject.
I don't know how much honest literature exists out there about real-life single adults who are striving to find a place in the church. I certainly haven't seen much--if any. I'm not talking about some seventeen step program to finding the perfect godly mate, nor am I talking about a new way of doing "singles ministry." My ideas are more about bridging the supposed differences between married adults and single adults. Sometimes I get the impression that churches invent imaginary barriers between single people and married people.
Possible ways of addressing this whole topic would include discussing misconceptions some married people seem to have about single people (ie. the "call to singleness," the idea that something is wrong with single people, the idea that single people are selfish), ways that married people can realistically help single people feel more included, but mostly I'd like to honestly address singles about how they can get involved without feeling as though there has to be an active "singles ministry." Maybe there's not a great need for this, and if there isn't, then I shouldn't write about it. But I, personally, have seen some need. That's why the idea keeps bouncing around, just loudly enough so I don't forget it.
I'm asking for prayer and comments, if you have any. There are a lot of different ways this idea could bounce, and I"m trying to keep an open mind. Do you think there's a need for such a project, or has this idea been done to death? If there is a need for it, why? Are there any other things you think should be addressed, any other issues you think could be explored? Are you a single person with examples of problems/issues/etc. you would like to share about your involvement with the church or with married people? Are you a married person who has something to say about ministry and singlehood or things that you discovered after you got married? What about kids? What about single parents? What about divorced singles? Really, if this idea is going to become anything more, I know I'm going to need help. I'm going to need more experiences than just the ones bouncing around with the half-baked ideas in my head. So I would appreciate anything you have to say.
And I greatly desire your prayers for this and all of my other creative endeavors.
There's been an idea bouncing around in my head for awhile. It keeps bouncing--boing! boing! boing! I'm not ready to act on it, I don't think. I've got a lot of stuff I need to do, and I'm really sick of starting projects that I never finish. So I'm not trying to get anyone too excited about anything...yet.
But I'd like to request prayer and maybe even some preliminary thoughts on this idea that I'm thinking about. I'd like to delve a little into the scary scary world of nonfiction. The idea that's been boinging around in my head is about the role of single adults in the church.
I've jotted down a few things, but really, there are so many directions this project could go. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do much more than just let the idea bounce around some more, but I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on the subject.
I don't know how much honest literature exists out there about real-life single adults who are striving to find a place in the church. I certainly haven't seen much--if any. I'm not talking about some seventeen step program to finding the perfect godly mate, nor am I talking about a new way of doing "singles ministry." My ideas are more about bridging the supposed differences between married adults and single adults. Sometimes I get the impression that churches invent imaginary barriers between single people and married people.
Possible ways of addressing this whole topic would include discussing misconceptions some married people seem to have about single people (ie. the "call to singleness," the idea that something is wrong with single people, the idea that single people are selfish), ways that married people can realistically help single people feel more included, but mostly I'd like to honestly address singles about how they can get involved without feeling as though there has to be an active "singles ministry." Maybe there's not a great need for this, and if there isn't, then I shouldn't write about it. But I, personally, have seen some need. That's why the idea keeps bouncing around, just loudly enough so I don't forget it.
I'm asking for prayer and comments, if you have any. There are a lot of different ways this idea could bounce, and I"m trying to keep an open mind. Do you think there's a need for such a project, or has this idea been done to death? If there is a need for it, why? Are there any other things you think should be addressed, any other issues you think could be explored? Are you a single person with examples of problems/issues/etc. you would like to share about your involvement with the church or with married people? Are you a married person who has something to say about ministry and singlehood or things that you discovered after you got married? What about kids? What about single parents? What about divorced singles? Really, if this idea is going to become anything more, I know I'm going to need help. I'm going to need more experiences than just the ones bouncing around with the half-baked ideas in my head. So I would appreciate anything you have to say.
And I greatly desire your prayers for this and all of my other creative endeavors.
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