Monday Blahg: Blah, Indeed

This past week has been discouraging in many ways, and I don't handle discouragement very well.

-The writing/editing has practically been non-existent.

-I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to meet a deadline I made for myself regarding the website/blog I want to start soon.  And by the way, it has been brought to my attention that I need to clarify something about this website/blog.  It is NOT going to be a single's website. I've had several people refer to it as a single's website, and I'm not sure where that miscommunication occured.  I thought I had been pretty clear that if single people are the only people who visit, read, comment on, and can relate to the blog I'm hoping to start (dare I hope, next week?--if all the stars align), then I might as well just forget the whole thing.  I'm a single person, yes, and I'm writing from that perspective, but with the hopes that people with other perspectives will give them to me, to the other readers.  I want it to be a community, a place where many different people from different marital, etc. backgrounds can find common ground and unity.  I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another and find ways to minister to one another better, all with the single purpose of glorifying God.  I know it's going to be a rough start, getting others involved, and sometimes I get discouraged about that.  Sometimes I want to just drop the whole idea, but I know this vision is something God gave me.  I can't allow discouragement to keep me from trusting and obeying, and eventually seeing God's work come to life.

-I do owe on my taxes.  It's not nearly as much as last year, and it's managable, but it's still a discouraging amount.  It's even more discouraging because I was hoping to get a little something back this year.  And while I LOVE my jobs, I'm starting to realize that it's not financially responsible for me to keep doing things the way I've been doing them.  That saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"?  Yeah.  I can relate.  I'm going to start looking into getting something full time, which I don't want to do, but I can't keep working myself half to death and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck.  Plus, it's killing me to have work take out extra money on every paycheck, and I STILL end up having to pay out of pocket when tax time comes.  I'm not doing my taxes incorrectly; it's just that being single and having four jobs doesn't make for a happy tax season.  So hooray.  I love my work, but unfortunately that's not good enough anymore.  I just hope I don't end up working in a prison box padded cell cubicle.

-The running is going a little better.  I got back up to 4 miles, which is a far cry from the 13.1 I want to accomplish this year, but it's better than last week.  I could barely manage 2 miles last week, for whatever reason.  I need to kick it up a notch, soon.  I need to actually start training--not that I have a race date in mind yet, but I might as well be prepared for anything.

-The diet is going well, too.  Can't complain there.  I even get marshmallows  and chocolate from time to time. 

-God has been faithful this week to remind me of my weaknesses.  I've had a rough week.  I've been broken in several different ways.  And I figure that's kind of where He wanted me, where He wants me.  Sometimes we have to be broken before we can be healed.  It's not a happy place to be, but I know there's always mercy in the struggle.

Happy Monday!  I'm hoping this week is better than the last!

Learning With Others

I'm hoping to get my website set up tonight--the one about singlehood, the church, etc.  That doesn't mean I'm "open for business" or whatever, but it means I'm another step closer.  I'm really excited, and I'm really scared.  But it is so time.

A year ago, I'm not sure if I would have been ready for this.  I had all these dreams about getting my works of fiction published (not self-published), and I still have those dreams.  I'm just not sure that the path I was hoping to take in order to get there is the path that I will end up taking.  I'm not sure what is going to happen with my blog, but I believe God has plans for it.  Right now, that's where my attention needs to be.  And I have a weird feeling that if I'm faithful to do this, the other plans I have are going to somehow fall into place--in time.

And maybe that's hard for some people to understand.  I'm not even sure why this blog idea presented itself when it did, but when it did, I knew I had to go for it.  I'm someone who likes to hesitate, to procrastinate due to fear.  Fear of what?  Of doing something I've never done before, of not doing it right or doing it well, of failure, of success, of the unknown.  But since the idea to do a blog occurred to me, I've sensed an urgency.  It's time to do this, and I'm doing what it takes to get it done.  It's because I'm really not the one in control of this whole thing.

And that's a scary thought, too.  I like being in control.  I like knowing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and what will happen when I do it.  I like having it all planned out within the context of my known capabilities.  I don't like it when things aren't in my control or power.  I don't like it when what I have to do depends on the actions and reactions of other people.  And while I'm a kind of blogger-leader in this venture, I know that the content of my blog is going to depend greatly on the responses I get from my readers. 

I'm resistant to change and I'm resistant to things that make me uncomfortable.  I guess everyone is, but I've really seen a pattern of how these qualities have ruled my life.  And lately, I've just seen that I need to get over my insecurities.  I've got to be open-minded.  I've got to be flexible.  The Lord has been preparing me in so many ways for this moment in my life, and I know He's still got some work to do on me.  I guess it's just going to be learning on the fly now.

The thing is, there's just so much learning that can be done when it's just you and God.  There's God's Word.  There's prayer.  These are both essential things for a life that glorifies God.  And that's my goal for this blog, the goal for my life, to glorify God.  I don't put that anywhere on my "about me" info or whatever, because if you can't tell by the content of this blog, I'm a Christian, and I want to honor God with everything I do.  Do I succeed in that all the time?  Of course not.  That's because when you get out in the "real world" away from church and your prayer closet and your Bible, you're confronted with people.  And people aren't predictable.  And people are hard to deal with.  And people are messy. 

But God made people to need one another.  Yes, ultimately, we need Him.  We need Him in order to live and breathe and be; we need to be connected to Him in order to love and hope and grow.  But God never intended anyone to live within a box of self.  And if we're going to learn how to put the things we read about in Scripture and the things we pray through during our quiet times--if we're ever going to learn how to put these things into practice, we have to encounter others.  Sometimes we're going to fail, and sometimes we're going to succeed.  And God never intended all our failures and successes to be kept to ourselves. 

The reason I want to start this blog about singlehood and the church is because I want to learn alongside others.  I want to share my experiences as well as read the experiences of others.  I want to ask questions that will help me and others understand what people are going through.  I want to know how we can better glorify God together instead of sticking to the status quo of our own little bubbles of comfort and safety.  People are messy, but the thing is, we're all people.  That means we're all messy.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  We all have pains and joys.  We all have successes and failures.  We all need love.  We all need grace. 

I don't want this website/blog to be just for singles or just for church people or just for whatever.  I want it to be open for anyone who wants to read and contribute to discussion.  And that's scary, but it's an opportunity to learn...even when it's messy.  Perhaps especially when it's messy.  So I continue to ask for prayer.  I continue to ask you to stay tuned, considering how to help me spread the word about this site once it is ready to unveil. 

Thank you so much for the support you have already given me.  I'm thankful to all who come read this, who take time out to listen to my ramblings.  Stay tuned!

Fill-in-the-Blank Friday: Apology

Last month, October of 2011, was apparently an awesome blogging month. I was hoping to clear 500 total views for the month (I know. I know. Some people get that many views in a single day, but I'm not quite that awesome...yet). That would be a record. Well, I went out of town at the end of the month and forgot to go look at my total views. I was overjoyed and, well, stunned beyond belief to discover that I had over 600 total views last month. Now, I'm assuming that at least 257 of those views were my mom, but, well, views are views.
This month? Phbbbblllllllllttttt. I think that's a word. I think they should add it to the dictionary. I mean, I've certainly used it a lot lately. People have been asking me, "How's your writing going?" and I've responded with "Phbbbbllllllllllttttt." That's how my writing is going. It's going phbbbblllllllllttttt. And while I've tried to put up a good face with my blogging, I know I've really been off this month. I haven't expected any brilliant numbers in my statistics, but it's kind of sad that the month is over halfway over and I've barely gotten a third of the views this month that I did last month.
There's lots of factors that could go into the drop in views, but do you care? No. So let's not get into that. Instead, let me apologize to my readers for being a little off this month. The truth is, I've been a little off in every area of my life since I went out of town at the end of October. This is yet another reason I'm really thankful to be spending a nice quiet Thanksgiving in my apartment. I'm not traveling. I'm not working. ...I am running waddling a 5K that morning, but that should actually be a lot of fun. And since I'm starting the day with exercise, I'll have an excuse to eat more turkey and pumpkin pie!
So while this is the busiest time of the year, and since I am doing a lot of work right now preparing a new website/blogging project, I'm really going to try to start putting effort into this blog. Thanks for your understanding.
I met with a couple of friends tonight to talk about my new project, and one of them (well, both of them, but one of the vocalized it really well) reminded me that I have a lot of people encouraging and supporting me. I believe that. So thank you for continuing to read this and continuing to pray. I'm a very blessed person, and I know some of you are loyal readers (thanks, mom) whether I have anything worth reading or not. I'll try to be worthy of that loyalty!

Single Question?

I haven't been blogging about it as much here, but just because I haven't been blogging about it doesn't mean I'm not thinking/talking about it.

A few weeks ago I started writing a little about a blog project I'd like to start.  I still haven't started it, but I've talked to a few people, and I'm hoping to talk to a few more.  I'd like to see this project start fairly soon--at least by the end of the year, but hopefully much sooner.

My original idea for a name for this blog/project/experiment/whatever was "Singled In," but I got to looking around the interwebz and realized that "Singled In" wasn't really that original after all.  I'm still thinking of possible names for this, but the name I keep coming back to is "Single Question."

I'm pretty sure this name is lame, but I can't think of anything better.  And it's descriptive of my project for two reasons:  1) What I want to do with this blog is ask questions about singlehood, marriage, God, unity, the Church, parenting, etc.  As a single person, I'd like to see how other people (married, single, divorced, widowed, etc.) would answer these questions.  2) Most of my blogs would consist of a single question.

I haven't yet gotten the response I've hoped for regarding this blog idea, and I'm guessing there are several reasons for that.  People just haven't heard about it.  People aren't sure what to say in response to it.  People are waiting until I follow through with it until they decide whether they want to get on board or not. 

Another reason I've considered is that perhaps people just aren't sure exactly WHAT I'm doing or WHY I'm doing it.  I will hope to answer this question in the first few blogs when I get that up and running, but here's a brief answer to those questions.  Since I hope to ask a lot of questions of others, it is only right that I start by answering a few questions.

A few years ago, someone asked me about the singles ministry at my church.  And well, we don't really have one.  But my friend's question made me start thinking about the purpose of singles ministries, about whether or not some churches seem to create invisible (and, in my opinion and experience, unnecessary) barriers between married people/families and single adults.  Over the past couple of years, I've even toyed with writing a book on the subject.  But I soon realized that all I have is my own experiences, and that's not enough to write a book.  Eventually, God led me to the idea of this blog project, and I really think it's time to get started on it.

So what is this blog idea?

I have hopes that "Single Question" or whatever I end up calling it (suggestions welcome, please!) will be a place where I can ask questions about singlehood, marriage, parenthood, divorce, single parenting, widowhood, Church unity, etc., in the hopes that people from many different backgrounds will respond with their thoughts, experiences, and even other questions.  I will also (perhaps once a week) blog about some of my own thoughts and experiences as a single adult in the church, including some of the more humorous aspects of singlehood. 

Why do I want to start this blog?

This is a question I have asked myself more than once, and it's a very important question.  There isn't just one purpose of this blog, and yet there is.  Some of the reasons I have for wanting to do this include the desire to accumulate information (through asking questions and hopefully getting a variety of answers from a variety of sources), the desire to help others understand a different point of view than their own, the desire to share my own thoughts and experiences, the desire to help foster unity among people from different marital, etc. backgrounds, and the desire to help single people see areas where they can serve in the church.  The main purpose in all of this, however, is to glorify God.  I truly believe this is a vision the Lord has given to me, and I believe He's going to complete it through me.  I just have to have faith as it gets started up and keep an open mind as He takes it where He wants to take it.

What it is NOT: "Single Question" (or whatever I call it) is NOT a blog that will include rants about the assumed unfairness of being single in today's society/church (I might include humorous and even sarcastic bits about misunderstandings that some married people have expressed towards single adults, but I hope these will be used sparingly--and will be taken lightly and not seriously).  It will NOT include pointless dating or relationship advice (though sometimes a particular question might come up that will involve meaningful conversation about dating/marital relationships). It will (hopefully) NOT include bashing of ideas that I don't personally understand (such as organized singles ministries)--in fact, part of the reason I want to ask questions is so that I might gain understanding.

And one more question: Who is this blog for? Answer: Everyone.  Answer: You.  I hope you'll consider reading it, once it gets up and running.  If it's going to work, it will have to be a group effort.

If you have any questions, leave a comment here, on Twitter, or on facebook.  Please please please be in prayer for this!  Let me know your thoughts, and spread the word!  (If you scroll near the top of this page and look at the left side bar, you'll see "Like it? Share it!" which allows you to easily share this blog with others on facebook and/or Twitter.  It's that easy.)

And seriously, if you have any comments/suggestions about a name for this project (or if you actually like the name I've been considering), I'd be happy to hear them. 

THANK YOU!

Fiction Friday: This Space for Rent

I've got a couple of confessions.

1) This isn't really Friday.  Yes, this will be published on a Friday, but I'm actually writing it on a Thursday night.  I've started doing that because my Fridays have been fairly hectic.  So if I've wanted to get the blog out before late Friday night, I've had to write it on Thursday night and schedule it for Friday morning.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.  Big time bloggers do it all the time.  In fact, if I were smart, I'd start writing TONS of Fiction Friday blogs and stockpiling them for moments like these.

2) This moment, and most other Thursday nights lately, have been difficult.  I've been dreading them.  It's because lately I've been having to rack my brain to come up with a topic.  It's not that I don't read fiction.  I definitely do.  But, for the most part, I've already blogged about the fiction that I want to blog about.  That's not to say that I won't want to write blogs on fiction in the future, but it's becoming clear to me that Fiction Friday is slowly dying. 

So I'm putting it out of its misery.

I think this is the beginning of some changes for this blog.  Sometimes I start thinking of myself as a bad blogger if I keep making changes, but maybe I've got the wrong attitude about it.  My life keeps changing, so maybe the way I blog should also change.  And, if things go the way I'm hoping, I might have a new "real" blog soon, and I'll be devoting a little more time to that.

I won't be getting rid of this blog, though.  I need a place to blog about what's going on in my life.  I need a place to just write something random that makes me feel happy.  Sometimes I even need a place to write about a work of fiction that I love/hate/think about.  I just don't necessarily need to do that in an alliterative weekly fashion.

I still plan on blogging mainly on just Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  It's been a pretty good system, and I've gotten used to it.  Sundays are the updates of what's going on in my life and writing.  Wednesdays are kind of a wild card where I blog about whatever I feel like at the time.  I'm just not sure what to do with Fridays, at the moment.

I'll let you know when I figure that out.

Thanks for reading!

What Would Jesus Blog?

This blog doesn't have anything to do with Jesus. 

Okay, so technically speaking, everything has to do with Jesus, so it does.

But it really doesn't.

Or it does.

I just thought "What Would Jesus Blog?" would be a cute title.  Maybe a better title would be "What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar*?" but that is borderline silly ridiculous.  Not just silly.  Not just ridiculous.  Silly ridiculous.  In a borderline sort of way.

Basically, I've been staring at my blank blogging window thingy for a few minutes, and I really just don't know how to make it unblank without blogging about something completely uninteresting.  I'd like to believe that people would read my blog even if I just typed up the ingredients on the back of my Febreeze Thai Dragon Fruit Air Freshener.  Did you know the people who make that stuff claim that it was "inspired by the winding canals of Thailand that are lined with dragon fruits, mangoes, and papayas"?  Yeah, that's what they claim.  I don't buy it.  I don't buy it because I bought it.  I bought a can of that stuff, expecting to be taken away like a bottle of Calgon, only if I sprayed this stuff on my body like Calgon, it would probably give me a rash.  Plus, I don't really want to spray it on my body, because this stuff smells nothing like Thailand--not that I'd really like to smell like Thailand, anyway. I've been to Thailand.  It smells like Thai food and washed masses.  Not unwashed masses, mind you, but the washed variety.  Asians and stupid Western tourists all lumped together, even washed, tend to not smell like a can of air freshener.

And even then the whole dragon fruit thing bugs me, because dragon fruits don't actually smell anything like actual Dragons, and I would know.

This is getting silly ridiculous.  And not just borderline, anymore.

Besides, if I did list the ingredients on this air freshener can I have here in front of me (yes, really), you wouldn't read my blog.  As much as I'd like for it to be true, I am simply NOT that awesome. 

So I'm left with my original problem.  What do I blog about?  What would Jesus blog about?  Well, that's easy.  Jesus wouldn't blog.  Jesus wouldn't blog because the interwebz hadn't been invented when he walked the earth.  Oh, okay--hypothetically speaking, Jesus would blog about....  No, I'm still gonna go with "Jesus wouldn't blog."  Should I be blogging, then?  I don't know.  I am blogging, so you can consider that some kind of Spiritual vice if you want to.

Or you can tell me what YOU would blog about.  If you had a blog, would it have a cool theme, or would you just ramble on about air freshener or ponies?  What would you like to see me blog about?  Ask me a question, if you want.  If it doesn't include mathematical equations, bright lime green, The Smurfs movie, or fried chicken, then you stand a good chance of actually getting an answer to your question.

Or not. 

*I wish I could claim credit for the brilliance of the question, "What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?" but I took it from the name of a facebook group.  It makes me giggle.

Sunday Update: Milestone

Where did the word "milestone" come from?  I'm pretty sure I could come up with the answer in just a few minutes by going to wikipedia, but I don't wanna.  I'd rather just take an educated guess because that's more fun.  So if I were to take a nice educated guess, I'd say that perhaps people in ye olden times probably used stones to mark miles...and people in ye olden times probably referred to such stones as "milestones" because they were clever like that.  And over the years, the meaning of the word "milestone" was changed to mean anything that marked a significant change or passage of time/events/etc. in the life of a person, place, or thing.  In this case, "milestone" refers to a significant passage of time and events in the life of a blog.  My blog.  This blog.  The blog that you're currently reading unless I bored you to tears with all the ridiculousness about my imagined etymology of milestones.

Last week, this blog had two big milestones.  I posted my 100th post, and the blog turned a year old.  And before I start spazzing about how this blog is less than a month older than my adorable and intelligent youngest niece, I'll continue....  But seriously.  That kid is stinkin' adorable.  And intelligent.  Like her brother and sisters.

A year or so ago, I remember debating for a good month or more about whether or not I should even start a blog.  I had blogs back in college and stuff, but they were filled with whiny posts about nothing.  Eventually, I got very tired writing about my boring life.  And I'm pretty sure everyone else was tired of reading it--if anyone was even reading it.  The problem was, I wanted to be an author--a published author--still do.  And a lot of aspiring authors write blogs.  A lot of agents look for aspiring authors with blogs.  I'm not one to just do what everyone else is doing just because they're doing it, but I'm learning that sometimes it's a good idea to emulate what other people are doing right.  And part of me kinda sorta really wanted to start writing a blog again.  But I didn't want it to be just another daily log of me whining about something stupid that didn't matter.  I knew that if I wanted to start blogging again, I would have to blog with purpose.

As soon as I realized this, I knew what I wanted to do with this blog.  I wanted a blog that was specifically geared towards my writing and my writing journey, but more than that, I wanted a blog that was meaningful.  Only I knew at the time (as I still know now) that there's really nothing all that important about what I have to say.  Unless you're Jon Acuff, then a blog probably means more to the blogger than to the readers.  I blog so people will read it (THANK YOU TO MY READERS!!!), but that's not the only reason.  I blog because I need to write it.  And I can hope that people will read it, and I'm vain enough to think it's good enough for people to read.  But when you get down to it, by writing this blog, I'm basically just looking at my own reflection.  Other people might come to take a look at it, too, and hopefully they'll get something out of it.  But all I have to offer in this blog are my poor reflections.

And so, "Poor Reflections" was born.  To be honest, I've used the same idea in other blogs.  One of my earlier whiny blogs had a paraphrased Bible verse from 1 Corinthians 13: 12--"Now we see but a poor reflection...then we shall see face to face."  And I'm not trying to take Scripture out of context by my play on the words "poor reflections."  I'm awaiting a time when all the things we strive for on earth will be pretty much meaningless.  Right now, we think we have good stuff, but it's not what it should be.  It's not perfect.  And the thing is, when the perfect comes--then all the imperfect is going to disappear.  I have a lot of things I want to say.  I have a lot of poor reflections I want to reveal.  The thing is, when that dark glass is shattered and I see Jesus face to face--when I know Him as fully as He knows me--all the things (like becoming a published author) I hope for here on earth aren't going to matter.  At all.

But the glass hasn't been shattered.  And I'm still striving for things that I want in this life.  I've set goals for myself.  I've succeeded and I've failed.  In a lot of ways, this blog has been a reflection of some of my failings.  There was a time around the start of this year that I realized my blogs were becoming little more than daily logs of whining--which was exactly what I didn't want.  And I had to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus.  Sometimes, life is like that, too.  Sometimes we need to stop, take a deep breath, and refocus.

I am not where I want to be.  And I'm learning that that's okay.  I'm learning that there are beautiful things in even the low times of the journey.  I'm learning that sometimes things just aren't going to work the way I had planned.  Sometimes I have to be creative and find new ways and new plans and new goals.  Sometimes I just have to wait for whatever it is God has for me--wait and trust.  Wait and trust.  Wait and trust. 

One thing I'm very sure about is that I'm going somewhere.  I don't exactly know where it is yet.  Even if I did know, I don't know how to get there.  I'm learning that, as far as this life is concerned, there's not just one way to get anywhere.  And maybe the path I'm taking isn't the shortest path.  And maybe there are shortcuts I don't know about yet, and I just have to wait for the right opportunities.  I'm learning not to make judgments about things too quickly--what seems like a dead end might be right where I need to be in order to take me to the next place I need to go.  I'm learning that sometimes I have to walk in darkness and just put one foot in front of the other--and that's all I can be expected to do until someone comes to turn on the lights.  I'm learning to take risks.  I'm learning to ask for help.  I'm learning how to live.  And I don't think I'm going to stop learning how to live until this life is over.  Till the dark glass shatters.

So you're invited to keep journeying with me.  We'll see what the next year of my poorly reflected life brings.  You're invited to read any of my future posts--whether it be another 100 or just another dozen...or maybe 1000.  I really can't say.

But, God willing, I don't think this will be the last milestone for this blog...

...or for me.

Structure

I've been reading a lot of real blogs lately. Do you know what real blogs have that my blog doesn't have? Structure.


I'm usually not the sort of person who just follows the crowd or does things because everyone else is doing them. In fact, I'm often the sort of person who rebels against the norm just because I don't like the idea of doing things the way everyone else does them. But I'm learning more and more that if I'm going to make it in the writing industry, I'm going to have to follow the rules. If I were this great revolutionary writer, that would be one thing. I just don't think I'm fantastical enough of a writer to take the publishing industry by storm...and even if I were that talented, I'm not that spirited. So there you have it.


I don't really claim that this blog is a real blog, but let's pretend it is. What do real bloggers do? They add structure to their blogs. How do they do this? By blogging at the same time (or at least on the same day) as they did the week before. By blogging about certain topics or ideas on certain days.


I think it's clear that discipline is NOT my strong point, but I'm going to try this for a while. I might fail and have to try again, or I might just decide to scrap the whole idea. But I'm going to try to add a little more structure to this blog.



I am not going to blog here every day. That's just too much for me, and honestly, I would like spend some more time on my other blog which is hilarious and good, if I do say so myself...and I do. My Dragon-Muses would also like me to continue to help them type out their blogs (most of them don't have keyboard friendly talons). So, I'm thinking right now that I need to do about three blogs a week for this particular blog.



I want to write a blog every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, and all with themes. I might add another day later, but we'll see how it goes.


Sundays, I plan to give an update of what's going on in my writing world (and maybe in the rest of my world). I've been doing okayish on my writing lately, but I could do better. I could DEFINITELY do better on my querying and editing. My friend Desiree (who is amazing), has been encouraging me in all my writing efforts. She suggested the term SEW. Sending queries, Editing, and Writing. So my Sunday blogs will be SEW Sundays, you dig?



On Wednesday, I just plan on writing a blog as usual. Whatever Wednesday. It's not that clever of a title, so maybe I'll go with Writing Wednesday, but that's not that clever either. We'll see which one I go with...or if I go with something completely different...



On Friday, I plan on writing something about my favorite works of fiction, fictional characters, fiction writers, etc. Fiction Fridays. I might even start doing book reviews, but I don't really know if I know how to do that. We'll see where it goes, or even if I have the discipline to keep up with it.



So that's what I'm planning right now. I'd also like to ask if you have any suggestions. Is there anything specific you'd like to see me write about? Are there any other clever names that utilize alliteration with the days of the week? I'm trying to make this blog into a real blog--or at least pretend to. Let me know what you think!

Prayer and Writing

Refocused Blog, Take TWO!

So, a couple posts ago, I wrote that I was going to try to refocus this blog on what I originally intended for it. It took me, oh, ONE POST to forget that. My last blog was a series of what's going on in my writing and nothing more. While sometimes it's okay to write blogs like that (how else are people going to know what's going on in my writing life), I really want this blog to be something more. Yesterday's blog FAILED. Epically.

But then, the blog I wrote yesterday had lots of problems. I had this sudden surge of: OH MY GOSH! I JUST HAD THIS GREAT, THOUGH SOMEWHAT CRAZY, IDEA! LET ME GO BLOG ABOUT IT AND THEN GET TO WORK WRITING/EDITING LIKE A FAT KID AT A BUFFET! And then I wrote a blog and made a decision to go ahead and start working on several projects at once.

Problem: Did I ever once even think about stopping to pray about this decision? No. I didn't even mention God in the last blog (though I WAS thinking about mentioning God in the last blog, but I am not too sure that counts). I make these great claims about how God is breathing in me, giving me the ability and grace to write these stories. Then I jump off on a random course of action without even thinking of asking God if that's what He wants me to do.

Lately, I've been trying to include the Holy Spirit a lot more in my prayers. I've been asking God to let His Spirit guide me, help me, love through me, AND convict me. God is faithful. I've been convicted.

So this morning I DID pray, but even then, there were problems with my reasoning. I started praying, "Dear Lord, I'm going to start this project, so please inspire me and give me grace to write and write well." *insert buzzer sound here* No. Convicted again.

I was telling God what I planned to do, asking Him to come alongside me in the work that I'm doing. That's not the way it works.

The idea of prayer, I'm learning, is US coming alongside GOD in the work that HE is doing. Lots of people have said that prayer doesn't matter--even those who claim to believe in God. Why? Because God has already made up His mind about what He's going to do. I see where they're coming from because I don't believe God changes His mind either. He knows what's going to happen before it happens. But these people who don't believe in praying are cheating themselves out of something remarkable.

There's a movie I LOVE about the later life of C.S. Lewis called "Shadowlands." In this film, C. S. Lewis' character had an awesome line. "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God; it changes me."

When we pray, we're not changing God's mind. We're asking Him to conform our minds and hearts to Him. I've learned this through a situation where some of my friends had a seriously ill child--the child almost died on more than one occasion. I prayed for them, for their child, knowing that the Lord might choose for this child to die. The knowledge that this child might die was not enough to make me want to stop praying. On the contrary, it made me pray all the harder. I knew that the only way my friends could make it through this difficult time in their lives was with God's grace. I knew that the best thing I could do for them was to keep praying that they would have strength to endure whatever happened, trusting God--all the while asking for healing for the child. Did my prayer heal the child? No. God did. But the amazing thing about the prayer was that I had this remarkable opportunity to walk through my friends' pain with them in a supernatural way. I had the opportunity to come alongside God in the work He was doing.

Prayer is amazing. It connects us with the poor widow down the street who is barely making ends meet. It connects us with the best friend who is suffering through rejection and heartache. It connects us with the missionaries and soldiers halfway across the world. Through God's gift of prayer, we're able to walk alongside those who are both far and near. It doesn't change God; it changes us. It unites us with others. It conforms our hearts and minds to God. When bad things happen, our prayer is a connection to the Lord that helps us see His will and trust His heart. When the good things happen, prayer enables us rejoice with one another and praise God for His blessing. It allows us to praise God simply because He is praiseworthy. Prayer amazes me.

And so...

My Prayer, TAKE TWO!: "Dear Lord, I have a project in mind, but I don't know if it's Your timing for me to start working on it. You know everything that's going on. So lead me to make the decision You would have me to make, and help me trust You through every step of this amazing journey. I'm going to go ahead and start writing because it's here in my hands to do, but if this isn't Your will and Your timing, then convict me of that. Let everything I write and everything I do be beneficial to others and glorifying to You."

I invite you all to come alongside me and alongside God in the work that He's doing through me and my writing. Thanks in advance for your prayers. I don't know what He's doing right now, but He's always doing something.