Don't Call Them Babies

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone refers to my preschool class as "The Baby Room," "The Baby Class," or simply just "The Babies."

I teach the youngest group of children in my preschool, the one-year-old class. Since we are quickly approaching the end of the school year, the majority of my students are already two. A few of them only missed the age cutoff by a few weeks, which means the two-year-old classes contain some children who are only a few weeks older than some of my kids. But even if all of my children were still one-year-olds, they would not be babies.

I understand that my kids aren't able to do the things the older classes are able to do. I definitely get that they have limitations, but I also don't underestimate them. They aren't babies.

The problem is, a lot of people don't really understand the difference between infants and toddlers. One-year-olds are in an ambiguous stage of life, as it's hard to tell when the baby stage ends and the toddler stage begins. The easiest way to tell? Does the child walk (toddle)? Voila! Most likely, the child is a toddler. Sometimes you do have toddlers that aren't quite toddling yet, and sometimes you get babies that can toddle, but who aren't yet on the same developmental level as a toddler. Kids learn to walk at different ages. Some are early walkers, and some, like me, wait until they're nearly a year and a half before being brave enough to try the toddling thing. But the toddler age starts at one, not two, as some people seem to think.

And there are other things that toddlers do that distinguish them from babies. Toddlers eat more solid foods. Aside from choking hazards, toddlers can eat just about anything a grown up can eat. They have most of their baby teeth. They aren't living just on milk and baby food.

Older one-year-olds (sometimes younger ones, too, especially if they have older ones to emulate) are just beginning to grasp the idea that there are other people who matter in the universe (besides self). They enjoy playing alongside and even WITH other children. They start to develop compassion and kindness, as well as a sense of independence and (in a lot of cases) stubbornness. They aren't babies anymore. Their personalities are starting to form.

They are also learning like CRAZY. They are learning new vocabulary and grammar moment by moment. They are putting the code of language together by using two or more words in a sentence to communicate. They are building on previous knowledge and actually beginning to use basic logic. They're labeling everything in their world, including each other  :-). The main reason one-year-olds are my favorites is because they are SO fascinated by everything. The whole world is new and wondrous to them, and they are old enough start exploring. I like seeing everything through their eyes. I like experiencing the excitement they sense at encountering our amazing world.

There aren't babies at preschool because, while babies can definitely learn, babies don't belong in a preschool learning environment. We have lessons. We have crafts. We have music. We have structure. And while I strive to make everything on their level, I also have pretty clear expectations for my students. They aren't babies. They know how I expect them to behave at school, and they know there are consequences if they fail to meet (or raise, which does happen a lot) my expectations. Babies can't do that. But, then, my class isn't for babies.

Now, I can completely understand if someone is trying to help their older child understand why he or she needs to be more gentle or gracious with younger children. Children can understand "baby" better than "toddler" or "younger child." By all means, if you need to call my kids "babies" to help an older child understand that my kids are younger, go for it. I also understand that people have pet names for their kids, or that they have trouble realizing their baby is growing up. I don't have problems with that. Call your own kid "baby" all you want, as long as you're letting him or her move forward developmentally. In fact, sometimes I call older kids, "babe," but not in any way where I'm demeaning them or their abilities.

But don't let me catch you calling my preschool class "The Babies." They are a smart, confident group of kiddos with distinct (and adorable) personalities. I have a lot of love AND respect for the students in my preschool class, and I'm just as blessed as can be for the privilege of being their teacher.

So please, don't call them babies!

Learning With Others

I'm hoping to get my website set up tonight--the one about singlehood, the church, etc.  That doesn't mean I'm "open for business" or whatever, but it means I'm another step closer.  I'm really excited, and I'm really scared.  But it is so time.

A year ago, I'm not sure if I would have been ready for this.  I had all these dreams about getting my works of fiction published (not self-published), and I still have those dreams.  I'm just not sure that the path I was hoping to take in order to get there is the path that I will end up taking.  I'm not sure what is going to happen with my blog, but I believe God has plans for it.  Right now, that's where my attention needs to be.  And I have a weird feeling that if I'm faithful to do this, the other plans I have are going to somehow fall into place--in time.

And maybe that's hard for some people to understand.  I'm not even sure why this blog idea presented itself when it did, but when it did, I knew I had to go for it.  I'm someone who likes to hesitate, to procrastinate due to fear.  Fear of what?  Of doing something I've never done before, of not doing it right or doing it well, of failure, of success, of the unknown.  But since the idea to do a blog occurred to me, I've sensed an urgency.  It's time to do this, and I'm doing what it takes to get it done.  It's because I'm really not the one in control of this whole thing.

And that's a scary thought, too.  I like being in control.  I like knowing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and what will happen when I do it.  I like having it all planned out within the context of my known capabilities.  I don't like it when things aren't in my control or power.  I don't like it when what I have to do depends on the actions and reactions of other people.  And while I'm a kind of blogger-leader in this venture, I know that the content of my blog is going to depend greatly on the responses I get from my readers. 

I'm resistant to change and I'm resistant to things that make me uncomfortable.  I guess everyone is, but I've really seen a pattern of how these qualities have ruled my life.  And lately, I've just seen that I need to get over my insecurities.  I've got to be open-minded.  I've got to be flexible.  The Lord has been preparing me in so many ways for this moment in my life, and I know He's still got some work to do on me.  I guess it's just going to be learning on the fly now.

The thing is, there's just so much learning that can be done when it's just you and God.  There's God's Word.  There's prayer.  These are both essential things for a life that glorifies God.  And that's my goal for this blog, the goal for my life, to glorify God.  I don't put that anywhere on my "about me" info or whatever, because if you can't tell by the content of this blog, I'm a Christian, and I want to honor God with everything I do.  Do I succeed in that all the time?  Of course not.  That's because when you get out in the "real world" away from church and your prayer closet and your Bible, you're confronted with people.  And people aren't predictable.  And people are hard to deal with.  And people are messy. 

But God made people to need one another.  Yes, ultimately, we need Him.  We need Him in order to live and breathe and be; we need to be connected to Him in order to love and hope and grow.  But God never intended anyone to live within a box of self.  And if we're going to learn how to put the things we read about in Scripture and the things we pray through during our quiet times--if we're ever going to learn how to put these things into practice, we have to encounter others.  Sometimes we're going to fail, and sometimes we're going to succeed.  And God never intended all our failures and successes to be kept to ourselves. 

The reason I want to start this blog about singlehood and the church is because I want to learn alongside others.  I want to share my experiences as well as read the experiences of others.  I want to ask questions that will help me and others understand what people are going through.  I want to know how we can better glorify God together instead of sticking to the status quo of our own little bubbles of comfort and safety.  People are messy, but the thing is, we're all people.  That means we're all messy.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  We all have pains and joys.  We all have successes and failures.  We all need love.  We all need grace. 

I don't want this website/blog to be just for singles or just for church people or just for whatever.  I want it to be open for anyone who wants to read and contribute to discussion.  And that's scary, but it's an opportunity to learn...even when it's messy.  Perhaps especially when it's messy.  So I continue to ask for prayer.  I continue to ask you to stay tuned, considering how to help me spread the word about this site once it is ready to unveil. 

Thank you so much for the support you have already given me.  I'm thankful to all who come read this, who take time out to listen to my ramblings.  Stay tuned!

Learning to Walk

One-year-olds are my favorite.  They cry sometimes and don't always communicate well, and sometimes their diapers are messy.  Sometimes they bite each other.  Sometimes they bite me.  All in all, though, they're really a lot of fun.  They are still learning about life and how it works, so everything is exciting and super cool.  The sound of a cricket is the most interesting thing ever.  A sticker is cooler than anything.  Everything is new.  Everything is worth noticing.  And one-year-olds notice because they've just gotten to that age where they are physically and mentally able to notice.

I've worked with a lot of one-year-olds, but it's been a few years since I've worked (long-term) with a child who hasn't learned how to walk yet.  There are a couple of kids in my preschool class who are still learning to walk.  I've forgotten how much fun it is to help a child learn to walk.

I like the feeling of their little fingers grasping mine as they teeter uncertainly across the floor.  I like it when they let go, attempting to walk a few feeble steps on their own.   When they succeed to walk those few steps, it's one of my favorite things in life.

Because here is what happens, and it's so cute and amazing to watch.  The kid finally works up the courage to let go of my fingers.  She teeters a few steps forward on her own.  She gets even more confident and takes a few real strides.  Then she gets so excited and proud of herself that she does this bouncing up and down happy dance.  Then her legs proceed to give out and she falls down on her little bum bum. 

I love this.  It's a great learning time that comes before the kid eventually learns how to control her legs and support herself with them.  I know in a few short weeks, the kids in my class will all be walking, and these fun times will be a happy memory. 

And right now I'm also learning to walk.  There are things I'm about to attempt (and in some small ways am already attempting) that I've not attempted before.  Sometimes I get so excited about my plans that I want to just take off soaring into the sky.  But I can't fly yet.  In fact, I haven't even learned to walk.

I have to learn to take the baby steps before I learn how to walk.  I'm taking them now by talking to some people, getting my ideas out there so I can get feedback/prayer, trying to figure out what I need to do and how I need to go about doing it.  It's scary, and sometimes I just want to hold someone's hand as they help me awkwardly stumble forward.  Sometimes I'm going to have to let go and take a few steps forward on my own.  Sometimes I'm going to fail, sometimes I'm going to succeed.  And when I succeed, I'll probably have a few moments where I get overconfident, do a happy dance, and then proceed to fall on my not so little bum bum.

And that's okay.  This is a great time of my life, and I almost missed it because I was trying to envision the end of the road before I started living in the beginning.  I don't know where my dreams will end.  I don't know if I'll learn to fly someday.  I do know that learning to walk is enough of an adventure for me at the moment.  I'm going to enjoy it as much as possible, have as much fun as possible.

Maybe someday I'll look back on this time as one of the best times of my life.  Right now, I'm taking it one baby step at a time....

Thanks for praying and taking this journey with me!

Learning the Impossible

Life can change in a heartbeat.

I was actually starting to get a little ahead on my finances, when BOOM goes the dynamite--I found out I'm NOT getting that tax refund I was expecting. Not even close. Rather, I found out on Friday that I'm having to pay a significant amount to both the Federal and NC governments. It's not as much as it could be, I suppose, but it's a pretty hefty amount. As it turns out, having three jobs pushed me into a little bit of a higher tax bracket. The problem is, since I have three jobs, each separate job was only taking into account the money I was making for that particular job. Long story short, only one of my jobs withheld any money. I have to pay A LOT back to the IRS. I don't have A LOT of money to pay back to the IRS.

My first reaction was utter disbelief and denial. I was expecting refund. How could this happen? I got a refund LAST year and one of my jobs didn't withhold anything. There must be something wrong. So I immediately went and tried to do my taxes on another program. Same result. So I slowly shifted to the state of denial to the state of "Oh crap. I'm going to have to sell a kidney to pay my taxes."

This DOES have something to do with my writing. This has something to do with a lot of different areas of my life. In fact, it has a lot to do with something I wrote about in my last entry. As a Christian, I believe that nothing is impossible with God. The problem is, I don't always believe it as much as I should--I don't believe it completely. I don't always get that knowledge to move from the back of my mind to something firm that I can believe and live out in my faith. I want control. Often, I think I have control. The truth is, I don't have control and never did.

Because life can change in a heartbeat. I can go from foolishly thinking I have it all together to knowing that I don't have anything. Everything I do have is a gift.

The last thing I said in my previous entry was: "And here's...where I remind myself of something that is impossible for me to grasp: Nothing is impossible with God. If I can ever wrap my brain around that, I guess anything will be possible." In other words, it's impossible for me to believe that nothing is impossible. But God is teaching me, and I'm learning. I'm learning that nothing is impossible with God--and since I'm learning that, He's already shown me that He can do the impossible, by teaching me to believe that nothing is impossible through Him.

Hmm. I'm not sure it's possible to understand what I just wrote, but I hope it makes sense.

I first started thinking about that yesterday afternoon. And God did something else that I thought was impossible. He changed my attitude completely. I was still in the stage of "Oh crap! I'm going to have to sell a kidney to pay my taxes," but God moved me to a completely other stage. It was one I couldn't have expected or even believed, but He did it.

I'm now in the stage of thankfulness. I'm in the stage of absolute, amazing, knock-me-to-the-floor gratitude. Why? Because this is something the Lord wants me to go through. This is something He has given me, just like all the other gifts. I guess it's weird to think of financial trouble as a gift, but I'm weird, okay. And God is weird (sorry if that offends you, but if you really think about it, He is pretty strange).

The Lord has given me this situation for reasons I don't yet know, but I'm already seeing some of those reasons. Apparently, I've been under the illusion that I am in control. God pulled that rug out from under me. I'm not in control. I never was in control. One thing I've learned, the Lord is faithful to humble those who ask for it--and I asked for it. I'm overwhelmingly grateful that the Lord loves me enough to give me something that will make me more like Him--to make me more aware that I belong to Him. He's jealous. He won't let me go. He won't let me delude myself in thinking that I'm the main character of my life story--it's not even my story. It's His. He's writing it, and He's writing it for His glory.And this chapter right here is one for which I'm extremely grateful.

I've still got a lot to learn, obviously. It's hard to remember my ultimate goal. It's hard to remember that life is about glorifying Him instead of myself. It's hard to let go of all the control I think I have (though I never really had it).

What does letting go of control even look like? I don't know, but I think it might possibly look like getting over this fear of sending queries. It might possibly look like me taking a few chances by just WRITING instead of trying to have all my proverbial ducks in a row before I start.

One thing it definitely looks like is trust. Letting go of anxiety. Believing that life is more than what I will eat or drink or wear. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to pay my taxes. One thing I do know, it's going to be okay. It's going to be fine. If I end up living on the streets in a cardboard box, I'm going to be just fine. (But I really don't think it's going to come to that. In fact, I don't think I'm even going to have to miss any meals.)

I learned about this tax thing on Friday. Yesterday, Saturday, just one day later, God completely overwhelmed me by giving me this grateful attitude (sorry, I just CAN'T bring myself to say "attitude of gratitude"). It's nothing I could muster up myself. The Lord has done this impossible thing through me. I know He's going to do more. I believe He's doing something in me right now that's preparing me for things further down the road. Those things might have something to do with having published books, or they might not.

But I'm going to be okay.

By the way, I just have to brag on my God some more. Last night, I babysat--long story short I ended up babysitting for kids in three separate families. All of them paid me and they paid me well. The extra babysitting money I got was a drop in the bucket of what I owe, but I have to admit, it was a pretty big and a pretty encouraging drop. I have little doubt that God's going to provide the rest one way or another.

I'm learning. In time I pray He will obliterate even that "little doubt." After all, nothing is impossible with God.