Sunday Update: So It Begins

I have discovered that I can't read and write at the same time.  Well, I figure most people can't do that--meaning they can't literally be reading something and be writing something completely different at the same time.  Unless, of course, one were a two-headed monster, with two brains--which, in my opinion, that monster would constitute as two people, if, in fact, monsters could be considered people.  I'm not going to venture an opinion on that because I don't want to inadvertently insult any monsters, two-headed or otherwise.

Sometimes, I think I'm like the Mad Hatter in the Johnny Depp version of "Alice in Wonderland."  In that case, you should read all of my rants as though I suddenly developed a Scottish accent.

Ahem. 

Well, when I say that I can't read and write at the same time, I mean something more than just simultaneously writing and reading.  I mean that while I'm actively working on a writing project, I find it hard to read other books.  If I'm reading a book by someone else, I want to devote all my spare time to that book.  If I'm writing or editing a major project of my own, I want to devote all my spare time to that.  I can't keep both going at the same time.  So for a couple months, I went crazy and checked out about 3 dozen books from the library, and I let my major writing projects simmer on the back burner for a while.  I've read my way through all of these books, and I'm finishing up a book I purchased.  When I get done with "Quitter" by Jon Acuff, I'm going to stop reading for a while so that I can focus on the writing and editing.

Regular work schedule has started at the drop-in centers.  The kids I watch in the afternoons are now in school.  Preschool has started.  I'm about to start incorporating "writing stuff" into my day to day life, too.  I need to work on some goals, but that scares me, because I am really bad about meeting them.  But if I were to make some goals, they might look something like this:

1) Make some minor adjustments to first book.  Make major adjustments to synopsis for first book.  Stop being a pansy and send queries about first book.  As soon as possible.

2) Edit second book like crazy.  Figure out how you want to think about marketing second book, b/c that's going to affect how you edit it.  Produce a decent second draft by, say, the end of the year.

3) Um.  Project?  Experiment?  Idea?  Yeah.  You're on your own here, because I don't have a clue what to do with this project idea you have.

Here's the deal.  I'm not much of a goal-setter.  I never have been.  I like to be prepared, especially when I don't know how to handle a particular situation, but even then, I don't know how to organize my life and my plans into tangible goals.  So it's strange that I've actually had a couple bursts of project planning this week.  It's also strange that I've taken everything I've planned and pretty much figuratively thrown it out the figurative window.

If you've read any of my posts over the past week (with the exception of a rather silly post about me eating a can of soup), then you have probably read something about a project idea I've been thinking about for a couple years now.  I think it's time to act on this idea and try to make something out of it, but I also believe I need to pray a little more about it before doing anything.  I ask that you would continue to pray for wisdom as I pray/work through this.

I do think that if I proceed with this project, I'm going to have a couple of "preview blogs" for it on "Poor Reflections" before embarking on a new blog.  I do have a name for the project--and really, I need to stop calling it a project.  It's more of an experiment right now.  I'm going to call it "Singled In." I'm not sure, at this point, what my blog posts for "Singled In" will look like, but I expect a lot of them are going to be short.  In fact, I don't think many of them are going to include my thoughts (at least not in great detail).  Rather, I want to ask a lot of questions, some of them pointed, some of them more general, so that I and other readers can see what other people think, what other people have to say.  That's not to say that I will never post a blog about something that's on my heart or mind, but I really want this experimental blog to be a community effort.  That's why it's just not going to work unless I am able to gain some sort of a following.  And that's scary, because it's really not in my hands. 

So please be in prayer.  Please "get on board." Please tell other people about this.  Please feel free to go ahead and give me suggestions, advice, comments, concerns, snide remarks, etc.  I am still not sure what the Lord is leading me to do with this, and I'm asking Him to help me trust Him more, rather than to simply ask for His direction.  I do ask for direction, too.  I mean, if God isn't leading this, then there's no point in even going forward.  It's just that, in my experience, God doesn't like to give me a cheat sheet.  I can't know the answers before I take the test.  Sometimes, I just have to do something and trust that He's leading me.  Sometimes that means I'm going to fail, and maybe even failure is a good thing if I learn from it. 

And this isn't about me anyway.  If I do continue with this plan, one of my first blogs will probably be an explanation of what "Singled In" is (or some of the things it could potentially be, since I really don't know how much control I will have over the experiment) and why I've envisioned the "Singled In" experiment.  It's not about me.  It's not about single people.  It's not about married people.  It's about glorifying God by creating unity, by breaking down barriers, by figuring out together how we can lift one another up, by figuring out together how we can honor God by honoring and learning from one another.

So, as I finish up this reading, I have a lot of expectations for my writing projects.  I'm just not sure what shape all those expectations are going to take.  I'm not much of a goal-setter, and maybe that's a bad thing in a lot of situations--all I know is that I have trouble being something I'm not.  If I'm not a goal-setter, I'm just not a goal-setter.  In this particular instance, as I attempt to plan and pray for an experiment that, quite frankly, scares me a little bit, maybe it's a good thing that I'm not a goal-setter.  I have a feeling that this experiment/project/etc. is going to be something like me--it's not going to be something it's not.  It's just going to be what it is.  And I don't have a clue what that something is or will be, yet.  I have a feeling that it's gonna be something good, but I'm going to need help.

Pray.

SEW Sunday: Maybe A Name Change is Already In Order?

So I almost forgot that I was supposed to start this NEW and IMPROVED blog today. It's SEW Sunday, the day when I give anyone who cares an update about what's going on in my writing world.  ...so that means, like 3 people...2 if you don't count my mom.

So this is supposed to be about three aspects of my writing: Sending queries, Editing, and Writing.  However, after having a remarkable experience with an incredible book that I did not write (but, oh, I wish I had), I'm thinking I've left out an important element. As an aspiring author, I need to write (goes without saying), edit (should go without saying), and send queries (doesn't go without saying because most people don't know what a query is--FYI it's a letter writers send to literary agents shamelessly begging them to represent a book). Unfortunately, due to the fact that I have very little time, I've forgotten a very important aspect of writing: Reading.

Do you know how long it's been since I read a book for fun? I don't. I can't remember. But recently someone (okay, okay, so it was a 12 year old) recommended a book to me. I plan on writing more about this book on Friday when I will attempt to write my first Fiction Friday blog...but we'll see how that goes.

Now, I had heard of this book before and it sounded interesting, and I know the last book in the trilogy had come out fairly recently (I won't have to wait for the sequels to come out!), so I figured I'd give it a shot. I reserved a copy at the library. I was something ridiculous like #192 on the waiting list. After waiting for a couple of weeks, I finally got the phone call that the book was available.  I picked it up.

And. I. Devoured. It.

Not literally. Books are for reading, not for eating. Keep that in mind when I'm published.

But oh my word, this book was phenomenal. I have already reserved the sequels from the library, but I'll have to wait for those, too. At least I'm not waiting years for the author to finish...it's hard to remember what life was like before J.K. Rowling finished Book Seven. Ah, what did I do with my life while waiting for Book Seven? My memories are fuzzy; I must have tided myself over with Eragon...which makes me wonder, when IS the fourth book of that "trilogy" coming out? Come on, Paolini...work with me.

Anyway, the reading of the book this week has meant that I have not had as much time for writing, but I can't bring myself to regret that at all. Sometimes, one of the most inspiring things for a writer is to read something excellent that someone else wrote. It helps me see areas that I can work on--things I need to call attention to about my characters and their thought processes. Yes, I think reading a book was just what I needed to start climbing out of this apathy pit I've somehow gotten myself into.

Because honestly, my head has not been in the game (did I just use a sports metaphor??) since November. I've written some, but not as much as I've wanted to. Editing? Psssh. And Querying? I've sent out one query all year. One. And I knew the literary agent I sent it to would never even get back to me.

It's April. I had goals of sending out at least five queries a month. I'm...a lot of queries behind schedule. The reason? I haven't cared. I know that's horrible, but it's true. I have had so many other things going on in my life that I haven't cared enough to put forth the effort.

But after reading that book, I started thinking about the characters in the book I'm trying to sell. I've started thinking about the characters in the book I need to edit. I feel as though I've really let them down.

These are good characters; I know they are. Sometimes I get hard on myself and think my stories are awful, and sometimes I'm right, but the characters in the books I'm trying to sell are not awful. They're remarkable.  They deserve a chance for others to know their stories, their relationships, their dreams and failures. The only one holding them back is me.

I'm still busy. I'm still going to have a hard time getting things done that I need to do. Life is just going to get in the way. There's no way around that. But I think I'm starting to get back on my feet. And in a couple of weeks, I'm going to have a day off. A. Day. Off.

No work. No church. No plans. So that will be a good time for me to organize some things for querying. In the meantime, I'm finally starting to have a breakthrough on my current WIP (work in progress). It's been slow going for a long time, and it still might be, but I think I've figured out a few of the problems. I still have more to work out, but that's how writing goes. I am starting to figure out the characters a little better, so that's good. One of them is pretty hard to understand--she's too much like who I was when I was a teenager...

I've also got an itch to start writing a new project. I'm wanting to experiment with point of views, tenses, and all of that. The last time I wrote something in first person, I was possessed by a fictional character and wrote the whole book in less than two weeks. It was scary...and fun...but mostly scary. So I'm going to be cautious because right now I just don't have the TIME to be possessed by a fictional character.

So yeah, that's how the SEWing is going, although I think I might need to change the title to also include an R for reading. I need to make time to read a good book every now and then. It has been a lot more beneficial than I realized.

SERWing?  Hmm.  Sounds like I'm from Minnesota.

Out of my Mind

My mind is a pretty frightening place. I spend a lot of time there. It's practically unavoidable. I mean, I have to spend twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with myself. It's not easy.

Lately, however, I've realized that I need to get away from myself occasionally. I've been trying to discipline myself as a writer, but, as I often do, I've put the cart before the horse. I can be disciplined as a writer, but I become unbalanced in other areas if I don't first try to be disciplined in more important things.

In this past year, I've completed one book that I started last year, finished the editing on another book that I started nine years ago *hides head in shame*, and somehow managed to begin and complete another book (in the period of slightly less than two weeks--an act of God, no doubt). I'm still doing some editing and writing. I'm attempting this query letter thing. I've been fairly disciplined in the writing stuff. I've also been disciplined in my diet/exercise and have consequently lost about 40 pounds since January of this year. I guess the world would look at me and say, "She's not doing too badly in the discipline department."

The thing is, I've not been disciplined in prayer or reading my Bible. As a Christian, these should be the most important disciplines in my life. The Lord has been gracious in dropping Spiritual crumbs to me, but there's a whole banquet that He's set out for me. I've just been too lazy to get up off the floor and eat.

For the past couple of weeks, I've tried to get into the habit of waking up a good hour earlier than usual for the sole purpose of spending time with God. One of the many positive results of this is that the Lord is showing me that I am far too self-focused. I'm an introspective person, which is good, because, well, I'm a writer. But spending too much time with oneself can lead to false perceptions.

The longer I look in the mirror, the more obsessed I come with my own reflection. The longer I look in the mirror, the longer I believe I'm something good. If all I do is glance at others, I fail to see their beauty. I become judgmental of their flaws, forgetting I have a fair few of my own.

As it relates to writing, sometimes I spend so much time reading and rereading what I've written that I absolutely fall in love with it. I lose all objectivity, because I forget there's anything out there besides the words that have come from my own brain.

This week, I've neglected the novel I've been editing. I've put aside any story ideas that want to pop up in my brain while I'm supposed to be doing something else. I've stopped obsessing about the characters in my stories. I'll get back to them eventually. For now, I'm reading other authors' writing. I am about to finish reading one novel and about to start another. And I'll probably read a few more before I'm finally ready to return to my own stories and my own brain.

And I'm not sure what I'll come back to when I finally do return. Maybe I'll come to find some minor flaws in my writing that I didn't see before. Maybe I'll realize my stories really are as good as thought they were (or--dare I think it--even better than I believed). Maybe I'll realize that there's a reason I keep getting rejections--that my writing sucks and I had better take up yodeling (or continue hold out hope for my crappy writing anyway, because, after all, Twilight got published--and did well).

Whatever happens, I'm grateful for the time that I'm spending out of my mind. I LOVE reading (I'd forgotten how much), and this is a great opportunity to get into some great literature.