How to Eat a Whale (AKA This is Jon Acuff's Fault!)

I had decided that I was NOT going to make any goals for this year.  2011 wasn't bad at all, but somewhere near September I got frustrated with myself because I didn't feel like I'd accomplished anything.  I hadn't completed any large writing project (the only one I attempted started out weak and just completely fizzled out near the end).  I think I only sent out ONE query letter for the whole year, and that was to a literary agent who I already knew would probably not be interested.  Last year, I had set goals for sending out a query letter EVERY WEEK.  I had goals of possibly landing an agent, of getting lots of writing projects done, of being a published writer. 

Instead, I fizzled out like that story I tried to write, and I stopped writing almost altogether.  I went to edit some previous work and was so discouraged by the perceived lameness of my work that I abruptly stopped trying.  The task before me just seemed too great, so I gave up.

And when New Year's Eve/Day came around, I said to myself, "Self, you're not going to make any goals for this year.  That doesn't mean you're not going to try to accomplish things, but why set goals if you're not even going to follow through with them?" 

Then, a few days ago, I read Jon Acuff's blog, and well, I was convicted.  In the blog, he challenged his readers to write down their goals for 2012 on a piece of paper, take a picture of that piece of paper, and then post it online.  My first thought was to reject the idea.  I was NOT going to make goals for this year.  I wasn't.  I wasn't going to do it, and no one was going to make me. 

But then I started reading some of the goals for 2012 that other people had posted, and I realized that I really did need to make a tangible list of attainable goals for this year.  What I mean by attainable is, "within my power to complete."  I can't make a goal of getting published this year; that's not entirely in my control (unless I self-publish, and right now I don't want to go that route).  I can't make a goal of finding a literary agent this year; that's not entirely in my control.  I can still work towards these things, but I can't set a time limit on it--but more about that later. 

Here's my list of attainable goals for 2012:

That's my list.  Of course, since one of my New Year's Resolutions (which are different from goals--usually) was to get more sleep, I'm not really sure how all of these goals are going to work out.  But I think that writing them down is the first step to getting them completed, and that first step is pretty important.  The first step leads to other steps, but again, getting ahead of myself.

I've recently begun the arduous process of cleaning my room.  I'm a hopeless slob.  Long have I abandoned any ideas of staying organized.  I'm bad at maintenance, so every few months, I have to do a major clean-up of my bedroom.  Well, due to Christmas and all of that, my room was a bigger disaster than it usually is, and I found myself returning from my brief Christmas vacation to a pig sty.  The floor of my bedroom?  Nowhere in sight.  In fact, there were places in which my clutter rose more than a foot high.  I'm not exaggerating. 

I couldn't figure out how I was going to even begin cleaning the mess in my room, but I came up with an idea.  I realized I was going to have to do one thing at a time.  So I wrote down a list of the things I would clean on different days.  First, I'd pick up my clothes; second, I'd pick up the trash; third, I'd organize the closet; fourth, I'd organize my dresser, etc.

Writing this plan down actually helped me move past the overwhelming feeling that I'd NEVER accomplish the task of cleaning my room.  And I think that writing down my goals are going to help me do the same thing.  Making a list is only the beginning....

I've discovered I do really well if I have a chart to fill out.  If I have a spreadsheet where I can write down how much I've exercised or how many calories I've eaten, I manage to lose weight.  If I have a spreadsheet where I can write down the Scripture passages I've read, I do a good job of keeping up with my Bible reading.  I think that if I have a progress chart for my editing projects, my half-marathon training, etc., then I'll do a better job of completing my goals.  

You see, when I have a goal to accomplish, I sometimes approach it as if I'm trying to eat a whale.  Eating a whale seems absolutely impossible.  But there's this great poem by Shel Silverstein that explains how one should go about the task of eating a whale:

"Have you heard of tiny Melinda Mae,

Who ate a monstrous whale?
She thought she could,
She said she would,
So she started in right at the tail.
And everyone said,"You're much too small,"
But that didn't bother Melinda at all,
She took little bites and she shewed very slow,
Just like a little girl should...
...and eighty-nine years later she ate that whale
Because she said she would!!!"

If you try to eat the whole whale all at once, it's easy to get discouraged.  The best way to eat a whale, and perhaps the only way to eat a whale, is to eat it slowly, one little bite at a time, and at a reasonable pace.  It might take a while, but eventually, the whale will be eaten--and I'll bet that last bite will taste really good...
 
...unless, of course, the whale has been sitting out in the sun for 89 years, but I digress....

Being Intentional

My roommate was watching television, and I sat down to watch it with her.  It was some kind of PBS show, and we both sometimes tend to get a little too excited about PBS shows.  Do you think it's because we're awesome?  I think it's because we're awesome.  Anyway, this commercial came on for some sort of adventure show.  And the tagline was something like, "Adventure--with a purpose!" 

I squinted at the television, as I tend to squint at most things that confuse me, and I said, "Isn't the purpose of adventure simply to have an adventure?" 

My roommate didn't make eye-contact with me.  She wanted to avoid having a conversation with me about Narnia (apparently, she knows me well enough to know that my mind immediately went there).  When I kept looking at her, she admitted, "I saw the third Narnia movie.  I didn't like all the CGI."  And I could tell from her tone that she really didn't want to discuss anything else about it, because I tend to get a little crazy when I talk about Narnia.  But by that time, the fascinating PBS show about whales came back on, and she was saved. 

Saved by the whale.  Couldn't resist that pun.

But I've been thinking about purpose.  Ever since college, I've been hearing the phrase, "Be intentional."  I've never liked that phrase.  It's not that I don't agree with it, in theory, but I don't really see that being my personal style.  The "be intentional" phrase, at least in Southern Baptist circles (and even if I'm a member of a Southern Baptist church, I don't consider myself a Southern Baptist--but that's another story), is almost always used when talking about evangelism--leading people to Christ.  Some people seem to have some sort of second nature that allows them to always know what to say and when and how to say it.  They are able to take any conversation and naturally guide it into a conversation about Spirituality and God.  These are true evangelists. 

I'm not one of them. 

That doesn't let me off the hook about telling people what I believe and why I believe it, all the while wanting them to believe in Jesus, too.  It's just that I am not a natural evangelist.  I am not a natural people-person at all.  I get in moods where I need to be alone.  And for a long time, I thought there was something wrong with that, because honestly, that's what society (even Southern Baptist and Christian society) tells you.  But over the years I'd start to wonder if I was doing something wrong by not being intentional.  Except, I've learned that when I do try to be intentional, when I try to be anything instead of just being, then I'm going to fall on my face and NOT give glory to God.  That's just how it is.

I'm not talking about making an excuse for a lack of preparation.  We should be prepared.  Scripture is clear on that.  But if I go out and try to talk to just some random person about Christ, it's not going to be natural for me.  It's going to be wrong.  Why?  Because in my heart I know that I'm not trying to get to know that person; I'm just trying to evangelize them--get them to Jesus so I can move on.  And that's not right.

There are Christians who are able to meet people where they are and almost effortlessly lead them to Christ--and they do this through love, not through some Spiritual exercise where they feel they have to get another notch in their evangelism belt.  I'm sometimes tempted to be envious of them, except for these people are so genuine in their faith and love for everyone that I can't feel something as hateful as envy towards them.  It would be nice to be more like them, but then I'm reminded that God doesn't make cookie-cutter people.  God made one me.  I'm the way I am for a reason.

I'm more of an encourager than an evangelist.  I like relationships that are built on more than just getting someone to Christ--although, I do know that's the most important thing.  But I'm not the sort of person who can just meet someone and say, "HEY, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS!"  I have done that before, and it did go well, but it was a special circumstance (I've been reading the Uglies series--can you tell?).  I was on a mission trip to Thailand, talking to Buddhist monks, and I actually experienced that awesomeness that comes when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and I was His witness in the uttermost parts of the earth.  But that's the exception for me, not the norm.  The Holy Spirit works different ways in different people, and I'm just not typically that person who gets to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about anything--especially not something personal.

What I have learned recently is that the Lord is using me in small ways in the lives of some of my non-Christian friends.  And I've found that it's a natural thing for me--not something that seems wrong at all.  Why?  Because I love these friends.  When difficult circumstances arise in their lives, it gives me an opportunity to naturally tell them about Jesus.  It allows me to tell them that I am praying for them, and to encourage them Scripturally--to reinforce that I have hope in my struggles because of Christ.  It's not about evangelism at that point--it's about love.

It's not that I'm against having a purpose or that I'm against being intentional.  I'm just not that person.  There are amazing godly people who are those people.  I'm more of the sort of person who sees the importance of the journey.  Friendships are important whether they're with Christians or nonChristians, and I don't think the main point of those friendships should be just to get them to Christ as soon as possible.  It's not always a copout to say that actions speak louder than words.  Sometimes I'm going to be much more of an effective evangelist by quietly showing who Christ is and who I am in Him, only speaking when it's natural to do so. 

At the same time, I am not comfortable being too comfortable.  So I'm doing a few purposeful things that kind of scare me a little bit.  I've joined a running group with my church--well, it's actually a multi-sport group, but running is one of the main components. The goal of the group is to encourage one another while also trying to build relationships with other runners, in the hopes of sharing Christ.  And even though I'm not a group sort of person or an intentional sort of person, I really just can't ignore the fact that I've just started running fairly recently, right as this group is starting out (Let me pause right here and laugh hysterically at the thought that I, Ruth Campbell, am in a SPORTS MINISTRY.  That's hilarious.  It really is.  God has a great sense of humor).  And last night I went and ran with them.  A lot of it was just me running by myself (which is how I prefer it, and I liked the fact that they let me do that), but I was still part of a group--a group with a purpose in mind. 

So we'll see how things continue to go.  I think I'm ready for some adventure.