Sunday Sum-Up: Prepared

I have cooked a turkey for the last three Thanksgivings (arguably four, but my mom came down four Thanksgivings ago and kind of cooked the first turkey for me, so it doesn't really count).  I actually enjoy roasting the turkey, because once you get the bird in the oven, it's actually pretty easy.  And this year's turkey turned out pretty good, but that's mainly because "Mr. Gobbles/Sizzles Version 2011" was a great bird.  I can't help but think that I really didn't do him justice. 

I guess it's because I kind of forgot that he needed a couple days to thaw out, so I didn't give him quite enough time.  It was sufficient, but I'm not sure Mr. Gobbles was ready to cook when I started cooking him.  And I didn't watch enough "How to Roast a Turkey" videos on youtube to adequately refresh my mind on all the little things that can be done to enhance the flavor and juiciness of a roasted turkey.  So, the end result was a good turkey, but not an AMAZING turkey like LAST year's version of Mr. Gobbles/Mr. Sizzles.  Because I wasn't prepared, I didn't prepare the turkey in the ways that would have made him the best turkey he could be.

And I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm going to relate that to my spiritual life.  It would surely be a hokey hokey thing to say that God has been preparing me like a turkey, roasting me in the fires of difficult situations, soaking me in the marinade of trying experiences.  I'm not going to say that, but I will say that I've noticed lately how God has been preparing me through different experiences and situations.  I'm not one to think that everything I do is a preparation for something else, but sometimes I think that there are things we go through to make us better prepared for things that are to come. 

Last week, I finally purchased a domain name for my new website.  I'm supposed to be talking with someone about setting it all up this week.  I'm talking with a few other people about logos and subject matter, etc.  I haven't set any official dates, but I'm really wanting to get this thing officially launched by early January.  I was hoping to have it ready before the year was out, and that's definitely doable.  I just think that a new year would be a good time to start something new, and I think more people would be on board with it after the craziness of the holidays have calmed down.  And, really, I'd like another month to think and pray about this, because it's quite a bit bigger than I am.

And that scares me, because I've already seen some real ways that my ideas could make others uncomfortable, and sometimes discomfort leads to hostility.  I don't want to set out to make other people uncomfortable (or hostile).  I never ever mean to offend people.  It's just that sometimes, when you tell the truth--even in the most non-threatening way--people still get offended.  It's because the truth offends.  And I've had to really think and pray through this, because I know that in my flesh, I'm a pretty insecure person.  The Lord has allowed me to wrestle with a few situations recently, and a big part of His purpose in that was to help me face the choice of whether I'm going to follow what makes me and everyone else comfortable, or if I'm going to stand by Him and His truth.  He's shown me that there is going to be some opposition, there are going to be some (for lack of a better term) jerks who just want to cause trouble, there are going to be some really nice people, too, who just don't agree with me and feel the need to tell me their opinions.  Am I going to crawl to my corner, lick my wounds, and go along with the crowd?  Or am I going to keep trusting God even when it's not easy? 

I'm not sure if it's a wise thing or not to vent all my insecurities about life and what's going on here on this blog, but one thing I have learned--keeping my weaknesses to myself is not going to glorify God.  I boast in my weaknesses because His power is made perfect in my weaknesses.  And my prayer for my new project, as well as everything else in my life, is that God will be glorified. 

Regarding this project, I doubt I'm going to say everything I need to say as eloquently as it should be said.  I doubt I'm going to have brilliant subject matter in every single blog I write.  Right now, I have so many doubts about where this project is going.  One thing I don't doubt is that God has led me to this.  Another thing I don't doubt is that He's got a purpose for it and for me.  And I don't doubt that He's been preparing me over the past year and a half (and even years before that) to bring me to this vision He's given me. 

Please keep praying.  I'm not all that wise, but I trust in a foolishness that is greater than the wisdom of man.

The Decision

I hate making decisions. Maybe this is something common to writers, or maybe it's something common to humanity, or maybe it's just something common to me. I don't like making decisions. This is one of the reasons I drifted in and out of majors in college. I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid it wasn't the right decision. I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid it wouldn't be practical.

I've wanted to be a writer.

And I spent the better part of my teenage years staring up at the ceiling waiting for a "holy lightning bolt from God" to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life.

It never came.

So it took me several years to realize I should just do what I have a passion to do. I should write because it's what I love to do. It's what God has given me to do--no lightning bolts--just the desire and ability to do it.

And in the past week, I've been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my writing. I didn't get a "holy lightning bolt from God," and I didn't expect one. I've learned that life just usually doesn't work that way.

Because sometimes there are things like ethics and morals that guide our decisions, and sometimes there's nothing there but options and opinions. I've prayed for wisdom and direction and guidance over this past week, but most of all, I've prayed for trust. I prayed for God to increase my faith--He's been faithful to do just that.

Because sometimes we're just not going to have a clear cut path in front of us. Sometimes we just have a crossroads and we have to figure out which one to take and just start walking.

A week ago, I was very strongly leaning towards going through a small publishing company. There are a lot of reasons why this would be a good idea. I would have more control over my story--as in, I wouldn't have a lot of people who don't know me and don't know my characters messing with my writing and making a lot of changes (I don't even care if that was a run-on sentence). I would have it published sooner than later and finally be able to call myself a published author. I would be able to help out a friend who's trying to get started in the publishing world.

But I would also have to market it myself. I would not have a lot of perks that an agent can provide. I might even prevent myself from getting an agent for future projects.

There are risks involved in whatever I do. I've prayed. I've asked for prayer from others. I've sought wisdom and direction and guidance.

But there have been no "holy lightning bolts from God," nor do I think any are going to come. So it's time to make a decision, choose a path, and just start walking.

Next week, I plan researching more agents and sending out more queries. I am putting book 4 on the back burner so I can start editing another completed project (aka book 2 aka Star). I want to try to sell it, too.

I am learning more all the time, and realistically, I know that even if I get an agent, I'm probably not going to be wildly famous or rich or anything. But I've got goals for my writing, and I'm not going to take the easy way out.

I'll see how it goes. This isn't the final say. If for whatever reason, this doesn't work out--if I just keep getting rejected and run out of options--yes, I will go small publishing. It's not that I see it as a "last resort." On the contrary, I am learning that small publishing is a worthy endeavor. I just would rather go traditionally because that's what I've always wanted. If that's not for me, then it won't work out, and I'll be THRILLED to be published under my friend's company--if he'll still have me. :-D

There are so many things that could happen. I don't know what they are. I'm just going to step out in faith right now and see. This is my decision. This is what I'm doing. I've just gotta trust that the Lord is going to direct my steps, though I can't see what's ahead.

Being decisive feels good.