Refocused Blog, Take TWO!
So, a couple posts ago, I wrote that I was going to try to refocus this blog on what I originally intended for it. It took me, oh, ONE POST to forget that. My last blog was a series of what's going on in my writing and nothing more. While sometimes it's okay to write blogs like that (how else are people going to know what's going on in my writing life), I really want this blog to be something more. Yesterday's blog FAILED. Epically.
But then, the blog I wrote yesterday had lots of problems. I had this sudden surge of: OH MY GOSH! I JUST HAD THIS GREAT, THOUGH SOMEWHAT CRAZY, IDEA! LET ME GO BLOG ABOUT IT AND THEN GET TO WORK WRITING/EDITING LIKE A FAT KID AT A BUFFET! And then I wrote a blog and made a decision to go ahead and start working on several projects at once.
Problem: Did I ever once even think about stopping to pray about this decision? No. I didn't even mention God in the last blog (though I WAS thinking about mentioning God in the last blog, but I am not too sure that counts). I make these great claims about how God is breathing in me, giving me the ability and grace to write these stories. Then I jump off on a random course of action without even thinking of asking God if that's what He wants me to do.
Lately, I've been trying to include the Holy Spirit a lot more in my prayers. I've been asking God to let His Spirit guide me, help me, love through me, AND convict me. God is faithful. I've been convicted.
So this morning I DID pray, but even then, there were problems with my reasoning. I started praying, "Dear Lord, I'm going to start this project, so please inspire me and give me grace to write and write well." *insert buzzer sound here* No. Convicted again.
I was telling God what I planned to do, asking Him to come alongside me in the work that I'm doing. That's not the way it works.
The idea of prayer, I'm learning, is US coming alongside GOD in the work that HE is doing. Lots of people have said that prayer doesn't matter--even those who claim to believe in God. Why? Because God has already made up His mind about what He's going to do. I see where they're coming from because I don't believe God changes His mind either. He knows what's going to happen before it happens. But these people who don't believe in praying are cheating themselves out of something remarkable.
There's a movie I LOVE about the later life of C.S. Lewis called "Shadowlands." In this film, C. S. Lewis' character had an awesome line. "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God; it changes me."
When we pray, we're not changing God's mind. We're asking Him to conform our minds and hearts to Him. I've learned this through a situation where some of my friends had a seriously ill child--the child almost died on more than one occasion. I prayed for them, for their child, knowing that the Lord might choose for this child to die. The knowledge that this child might die was not enough to make me want to stop praying. On the contrary, it made me pray all the harder. I knew that the only way my friends could make it through this difficult time in their lives was with God's grace. I knew that the best thing I could do for them was to keep praying that they would have strength to endure whatever happened, trusting God--all the while asking for healing for the child. Did my prayer heal the child? No. God did. But the amazing thing about the prayer was that I had this remarkable opportunity to walk through my friends' pain with them in a supernatural way. I had the opportunity to come alongside God in the work He was doing.
Prayer is amazing. It connects us with the poor widow down the street who is barely making ends meet. It connects us with the best friend who is suffering through rejection and heartache. It connects us with the missionaries and soldiers halfway across the world. Through God's gift of prayer, we're able to walk alongside those who are both far and near. It doesn't change God; it changes us. It unites us with others. It conforms our hearts and minds to God. When bad things happen, our prayer is a connection to the Lord that helps us see His will and trust His heart. When the good things happen, prayer enables us rejoice with one another and praise God for His blessing. It allows us to praise God simply because He is praiseworthy. Prayer amazes me.
And so...
My Prayer, TAKE TWO!: "Dear Lord, I have a project in mind, but I don't know if it's Your timing for me to start working on it. You know everything that's going on. So lead me to make the decision You would have me to make, and help me trust You through every step of this amazing journey. I'm going to go ahead and start writing because it's here in my hands to do, but if this isn't Your will and Your timing, then convict me of that. Let everything I write and everything I do be beneficial to others and glorifying to You."
I invite you all to come alongside me and alongside God in the work that He's doing through me and my writing. Thanks in advance for your prayers. I don't know what He's doing right now, but He's always doing something.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
A Decision...Maybe
Last time, on The Wonderful Writing World of Ruth, we learned that Ruth is a decent author, but she has absolutely no gumption. Stay tuned for the exciting new episode where we learn about Ruth's epic battle with indecision! Will she decide to continue pursuing agents? Will she decide to scrap this project and begin a new one? Will she stop writing and decide to be a professional yodler instead? Will she go completely insane, join a cult of spider monkeys, and be tragically eaten by savage cannibals? Let's find out!
Yeah, so I may or may not be indecisive. I can't quite decide whether I am nor not. Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe.
While researching agents today, I kinda sorta had an epiphany. I was looking at what all the agents were looking for: Paranormal. I mean, some of them are looking for YA fantasy. Some are even looking for epic "Tolkienish" fantasy, which is what my current project is. But more and more, I'm seeing agents shying away from that epic fantasy and moving towards fantasy that happens in the real world in which we are currently living.
And it hit me. I've had this idea for a book in my head for about three years. I've even written some scenes of it. I don't know exactly what I want to do with it, but I have a lot of ideas. I kept putting this project on the backburner for so long because I had other projects. It's a paranormal sort of book. Right now, the market is burning hot for that sort of thing. I think it's a good concept. I think the scenes I have written are pretty good. I just have to write it and get it ready to try to sell...
...oh, that's right. Writing a book is hard. Editing a book is hard. Editing it again and again and again is even harder. And right now I don't even have as much time as I would like to devote to my other projects. From what I've heard, this is a problem, because the life of an author just gets harder and harder after she's sold something. When am I going to have time for all of this?
So here's the indecision. I mean, it wouldn't be a dilemma if I had enough time to devote to all projects, but I don't think I do. At least, right now I don't see how it's possible. I *COULD* become a complete loony like I did when I wrote my third book, which I wrote in less than two weeks. But honestly, that insanity came in one ginormous crazy awesome spurt, and I don't see it happening again. If I do attempt to write it while also editing my second book (getting it ready for querying) and trying to get representation for my first book, then I just see things getting a little crazy go nuts around here.
But I'm a writer. Writers aren't typically known for their sanity.
So I'm deciding to try. That's kind of what I have been going with all along. I'm going to try to do these things. I'm going to try to get an agent for the first book. I'm going to try to get my second book edited. I'm going to try to write another book. If I succeed, then yay! I'll be a crazy successful person. If I don't succeed, then it's not a huge deal. I mean, there's always that dream of becoming a professional yodler to fall back on.
Ludicrous speed....GO!
Yeah, so I may or may not be indecisive. I can't quite decide whether I am nor not. Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe.
While researching agents today, I kinda sorta had an epiphany. I was looking at what all the agents were looking for: Paranormal. I mean, some of them are looking for YA fantasy. Some are even looking for epic "Tolkienish" fantasy, which is what my current project is. But more and more, I'm seeing agents shying away from that epic fantasy and moving towards fantasy that happens in the real world in which we are currently living.
And it hit me. I've had this idea for a book in my head for about three years. I've even written some scenes of it. I don't know exactly what I want to do with it, but I have a lot of ideas. I kept putting this project on the backburner for so long because I had other projects. It's a paranormal sort of book. Right now, the market is burning hot for that sort of thing. I think it's a good concept. I think the scenes I have written are pretty good. I just have to write it and get it ready to try to sell...
...oh, that's right. Writing a book is hard. Editing a book is hard. Editing it again and again and again is even harder. And right now I don't even have as much time as I would like to devote to my other projects. From what I've heard, this is a problem, because the life of an author just gets harder and harder after she's sold something. When am I going to have time for all of this?
So here's the indecision. I mean, it wouldn't be a dilemma if I had enough time to devote to all projects, but I don't think I do. At least, right now I don't see how it's possible. I *COULD* become a complete loony like I did when I wrote my third book, which I wrote in less than two weeks. But honestly, that insanity came in one ginormous crazy awesome spurt, and I don't see it happening again. If I do attempt to write it while also editing my second book (getting it ready for querying) and trying to get representation for my first book, then I just see things getting a little crazy go nuts around here.
But I'm a writer. Writers aren't typically known for their sanity.
So I'm deciding to try. That's kind of what I have been going with all along. I'm going to try to do these things. I'm going to try to get an agent for the first book. I'm going to try to get my second book edited. I'm going to try to write another book. If I succeed, then yay! I'll be a crazy successful person. If I don't succeed, then it's not a huge deal. I mean, there's always that dream of becoming a professional yodler to fall back on.
Ludicrous speed....GO!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Regaining Focus
I have not sent out any queries yet. However, January is not officially over until Tuesday. And if I don't get them out by tomorrow, I DO PLAN to get them out this week (I promise, Desiree--please don't hurt me :-D). I just need to take my time and do it right instead of rushing just to make sure I meet a personal deadline. But no more mamby pamby land for me. Throw a tissue box at me and call me a "Jackwagon." I'm doing this.
I HAVE sent some fairy tale samples to a friend of mine who owns a small publishing company. We're still in the baby step stage here, but not in the eensie weensie baby step stage anymore. There's something (even if that something is very, very small) being done instead of just being talked about. I know there's still a lot to do with this. I still have to figure out the direction I have for this project while waiting for all the legal issues and other stuff that goes completely over my head to get cleared up. I still have a lot of writing and editing to do on this project, while NOT neglecting the other editing I need to do on other projects. I'd like to start sending queries for another book by May. That's scary. I'm at the point where I need to scare myself a little more...Jackwagon.
Anyway, I'm starting to read these blogs of mine, and I realize that I've lost some focus in them. It's not that I shouldn't allow myself to update my few readers on what's going on in the writing world of Ruth (that sounds like an awesome kids tv show, but I digress...), but that's really not the original intent I had for this blog. In fact, it's starting to veer towards exactly what I DID NOT want for this blog.
In the past, I had these self-centered blogs that just basically gave people a run down of my day. "Today I was happy because I had a sandwich. I ate the sandwich. Then I was sad because my sandwich was gone. I'll make another sandwich tomorrow." I mean, this blog is hopefully not that boring, but I didn't create it to give people a run-down of my day. I created it to write about my thoughts on writing. That might occasionally mean I talk about projects I have going on or goals that I'm setting, but it should be more.
I'm going to try to refocus this blog on what I originally intended: Writing about writing. Writing about what God is teaching me through writing and through life. Writing about this gift that God has given me, and that He expects me to give back to others, proclaiming His name. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and quite honestly, it probably costs me some readers when they figure out I'm one of those weird Jesus fanatics.
Shrug. I can't help it. I can't separate God from my writing. Both God and my writing are central, crucial to my life. Writing without actively acknowledging God (and pleading for His presence/guidance/Spirit in every step of the process) is impossible for me. It would be like breathing without air. It just doesn't work.
So as I regain focus in my writing life (finally, THANK GOD, I am so ready to be MYSELF again, and I'm not myself if I'm not writing), I'm going to try to regain focus with this blog.
I HAVE sent some fairy tale samples to a friend of mine who owns a small publishing company. We're still in the baby step stage here, but not in the eensie weensie baby step stage anymore. There's something (even if that something is very, very small) being done instead of just being talked about. I know there's still a lot to do with this. I still have to figure out the direction I have for this project while waiting for all the legal issues and other stuff that goes completely over my head to get cleared up. I still have a lot of writing and editing to do on this project, while NOT neglecting the other editing I need to do on other projects. I'd like to start sending queries for another book by May. That's scary. I'm at the point where I need to scare myself a little more...Jackwagon.
Anyway, I'm starting to read these blogs of mine, and I realize that I've lost some focus in them. It's not that I shouldn't allow myself to update my few readers on what's going on in the writing world of Ruth (that sounds like an awesome kids tv show, but I digress...), but that's really not the original intent I had for this blog. In fact, it's starting to veer towards exactly what I DID NOT want for this blog.
In the past, I had these self-centered blogs that just basically gave people a run down of my day. "Today I was happy because I had a sandwich. I ate the sandwich. Then I was sad because my sandwich was gone. I'll make another sandwich tomorrow." I mean, this blog is hopefully not that boring, but I didn't create it to give people a run-down of my day. I created it to write about my thoughts on writing. That might occasionally mean I talk about projects I have going on or goals that I'm setting, but it should be more.
I'm going to try to refocus this blog on what I originally intended: Writing about writing. Writing about what God is teaching me through writing and through life. Writing about this gift that God has given me, and that He expects me to give back to others, proclaiming His name. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and quite honestly, it probably costs me some readers when they figure out I'm one of those weird Jesus fanatics.
Shrug. I can't help it. I can't separate God from my writing. Both God and my writing are central, crucial to my life. Writing without actively acknowledging God (and pleading for His presence/guidance/Spirit in every step of the process) is impossible for me. It would be like breathing without air. It just doesn't work.
So as I regain focus in my writing life (finally, THANK GOD, I am so ready to be MYSELF again, and I'm not myself if I'm not writing), I'm going to try to regain focus with this blog.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Gumption
Have you ever written a blog and then deleted the whole thing?
I just did that.
I'm very frustrated with myself right now. The blog I just deleted was basically about a page of me berating myself. The problem with it was not that what I said wasn't true, but really, who wants to read a page of me berating myself?
I'm frustrated because I haven't had a lot of time to write recently (I worked 2 extra nights this week because people at work are sick, and I had to fill in), but I haven't made good use of the time I have.
I haven't been writing. I haven't been editing. I haven't been actively seeking publication. Basically, I'm not a very good writer right now. I have a goal of sending at least five queries a month to literary agents (until I find one), and yet January is almost over and I haven't even sent one little query. It's easy to blame the lack of time, but I know that's not a good excuse. There's a reason I'm dragging my feet, and believe me, I have every right to be frustrated with myself.
I have no gumption. I've never had any gumption. I have talent. I have ability. I have resources. God only knows how many opportunities I've missed. And it's all because I don't have any gumption. Suddenly, that's just not good enough anymore.
The truth is, I'm just as afraid of success as I am of failure. In fact, I might be more comfortable with failure. I'm used to it. It takes far more courage to succeed than it does to fail...at least for me. When you fail, there's disappointment and maybe a little embarrassment, but no one expects anything of you. And the more you fail, the less people expect. You become pathetic, but you're safe. It's when you succeed that suddenly you have more responsibility. You have more people expecting more from you. And then there's that little idea of the unknown that causes me to stare sleepless at the ceiling some nights. I don't know how to be a successful writer...and the thought of becoming one actually scares me....
Ugh. It's not good enough. God's given me too much and shown He's too faithful for me to act (or not act) this way. I'm frustrated with myself, and I really hope this leads to some action.
I'm not sure if this is a good prayer or not, but pray I get some gumption. After all, the rest of this has come from the Lord's hand, too. My only boast is in Him.
I hope I don't update this blog again until I've sent out some good queries. I hope it's not too long.
I just did that.
I'm very frustrated with myself right now. The blog I just deleted was basically about a page of me berating myself. The problem with it was not that what I said wasn't true, but really, who wants to read a page of me berating myself?
I'm frustrated because I haven't had a lot of time to write recently (I worked 2 extra nights this week because people at work are sick, and I had to fill in), but I haven't made good use of the time I have.
I haven't been writing. I haven't been editing. I haven't been actively seeking publication. Basically, I'm not a very good writer right now. I have a goal of sending at least five queries a month to literary agents (until I find one), and yet January is almost over and I haven't even sent one little query. It's easy to blame the lack of time, but I know that's not a good excuse. There's a reason I'm dragging my feet, and believe me, I have every right to be frustrated with myself.
I have no gumption. I've never had any gumption. I have talent. I have ability. I have resources. God only knows how many opportunities I've missed. And it's all because I don't have any gumption. Suddenly, that's just not good enough anymore.
The truth is, I'm just as afraid of success as I am of failure. In fact, I might be more comfortable with failure. I'm used to it. It takes far more courage to succeed than it does to fail...at least for me. When you fail, there's disappointment and maybe a little embarrassment, but no one expects anything of you. And the more you fail, the less people expect. You become pathetic, but you're safe. It's when you succeed that suddenly you have more responsibility. You have more people expecting more from you. And then there's that little idea of the unknown that causes me to stare sleepless at the ceiling some nights. I don't know how to be a successful writer...and the thought of becoming one actually scares me....
Ugh. It's not good enough. God's given me too much and shown He's too faithful for me to act (or not act) this way. I'm frustrated with myself, and I really hope this leads to some action.
I'm not sure if this is a good prayer or not, but pray I get some gumption. After all, the rest of this has come from the Lord's hand, too. My only boast is in Him.
I hope I don't update this blog again until I've sent out some good queries. I hope it's not too long.
Friday, January 14, 2011
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION!
I just wanted my readers to be aware of my other blogs. You can click on the links above (below the header with my ginormous face), or you can click them right here:
www.sociallyawkwardadventures.blogspot.com (Funny/Embarrassing/Odd moments from my socially awkward life)
www.pneumanthedragon.blogspot.com (Written by my amazing Dragon Muses)
You might also want to check out the RightTime KiDS blog, for which I frequently write:
www.righttimekids.com/blog
Give those links a clickety click. You'll be glad you did!
www.sociallyawkwardadventures.blogspot.com (Funny/Embarrassing/Odd moments from my socially awkward life)
www.pneumanthedragon.blogspot.com (Written by my amazing Dragon Muses)
You might also want to check out the RightTime KiDS blog, for which I frequently write:
www.righttimekids.com/blog
Give those links a clickety click. You'll be glad you did!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
All Together Now
December knocked me down and stole my lunch money.
That's the way it seems, anyway. In December, I lost all track of the pathetic semblance of a routine I pretended I once had. I had a full work week this past week, which started out with me being an hour late because I had misread the schedule. Doh. Great start to a new year...or not. The rest of the week was a pretty confusing blur.
Anyway, I am trying to get my life back together so that I can actually start doing some of the awesome things I planned on doing this year. But this morning I started thinking, "Hmm. The words 'getting my life BACK together' imply that my life has deteriorated from a previous state of 'togetherness.' I'm not so sure I EVER had my 'life together' to begin with."
I remember my second senior year of college (that should tell you something right there) when I was 24 and most the girls on my hall were 18-year-old freshmen. Bless them, most of them looked up to me. Some of them even called me "Mama Ruth." And a few of them even expressed to me that they thought I had it "all together." Yeah, I'm sure it probably seemed that way because I had 6 years of experience that those girls didn't yet have. The truth is, I've never really had it "all together."
But I really do want to be more organized than I currently am. I don't have to be perfect. That's not what I'm all about here. This idea of having it "all together" is just how I'd like to appear to people, and honestly, it just doesn't really matter what other people think. Most people don't pay enough attention anyway because they don't care. Most of them are probably too busy trying to organize their own lives to worry about how I do or do not organize my life. It's just this stupid competition we all imagine ourselves having with other people.
With that being said, I still need to get organized so that I can actually start doing the things I want to do this year (and this life). The reason for this is because I've been given a lot; I'm responsible for using what I've been given.
I've heard well-meaning people say we should just trust God. Trust God and it will all turn out all right. Trust God. Trust God. Trust God.
I know where they're coming from. I believe, as they most likely do, that Christians are not saved by works, but by the grace of God through faith in Jesus. And I can understand how it can seem a little sticky when God has given us work to do. How much of that work is our effort, and how much of that is God's intervention?
It's easy to drift to one extreme or the other. Either we don't do anything and just "trust God," or we go to the other end, putting all our human effort into it--and eventually get arrogant and steal glory from God.
In the not too distant past, I think I was veering towards the first of those, though perhaps not to the most extreme extreme. I was working towards my goals and working on the projects I had, but I was not doing as much as I could. I didn't want to take glory from God. I wanted to trust Him to complete what He had begun.
But the more I write, pray, and live, the more I believe I am supposed to be an excellent writer--or at least the most excellent writer I can be. It's not because I have some glorious ambition of being the next J. K. Rowling (that train left a lot time ago--and it was NOT the Hogwarts Express). It's because the One who has called me and equipped me is excellent.
When it all comes down to it, I didn't will myself to be a writer. The ability to write was given to me. The abilities to imagine, create, dream, edit were also given to me. God the Author has made me in His image by breathing His creativity into me. He's given me dreams that have become stories. When I sit down with pen and paper, or when I sit down at the laptop keyboard, something happens. The Creator of the universe enables me to write. The gifts are from Him.
But if I don't sit down and write, then nothing happens.
And if I write and just try to present the first draft of my stories or songs or whatever, they might be good, but they probably aren't excellent. And I've got to look beyond the idea that I'm making things excellent so that other people will see their excellence. Certainly that is a very good thing. I want people to enjoy and get something out of what I write. But it's not the most important thing.
Because Cain killed his brother Abel because he was jealous that God had found Abel's sacrifice acceptable, while rejecting Cain's. But Cain's heart wasn't right to begin with, because he didn't give his best. And like Cain, I don't have anything except what's been given me. But if I just put forth minimal effort with what I've been given, then that's a pretty poor offering.
The context is slightly different, but King David said that he would not offer God a sacrifice that cost him nothing. In David's case, he was insisting upon paying a man for the location, oxen, and materials he would use for a burnt offering. In my situation, the context is different, but the idea is the same. Am I to offer to God work that cost me nothing--or next to nothing? Am I to just produce something to be producing it, or should it be my best work?
And if it's my best work, then shouldn't I be spending a lot more time writing, editing, rewriting, and editing again...and again...and again...? Shouldn't I really be working to pursue agents instead of just sending out a few pathetic letters and praying for the best?
I've come to the conclusion that the work I do is not something I enable myself to do, but since I have been given the ability, I also have the responsibility to produce the most excellent work I can. It's not because I'm brilliant. It's not because I want to be some great writer (well, okay, so I do...but that's not the main thing). It's because the One who has called me is worth my best work.
So I'm trying to get my life as "together" as I can get it. It's a work in progress, like pretty much everything else. I'm starting a diet/exercise routine tomorrow (God willing). I'm trying to stick with a plan of reading the Bible in a year. I'm keeping record of whether or not I pray everyday, just because I know I'm not disciplined without it (on a side note, I'm not just praying to check it off a list. I'm praying because I need to spend time with God, but I know myself enough to know that right now I need the discipline aid of marking it off a list). I'm also going to start making some goals for myself in getting writing done and query letters out. I also need to start making some serious plans towards recording some songs. That's right. And with those songs, I'm going to have to settle for making them only as excellent as I can make them. My guitar skills are on an elementary level. In other words, I suck.
But the Lord has given me these things to do. I have some interesting ideas for them. I'm excited to see what He's going to do in the next few months. I'm pretty sure I'll never have it "all together," but even though I'm trying to work hard, I'm still relying on grace. There's hope. Lots of hope.
That's the way it seems, anyway. In December, I lost all track of the pathetic semblance of a routine I pretended I once had. I had a full work week this past week, which started out with me being an hour late because I had misread the schedule. Doh. Great start to a new year...or not. The rest of the week was a pretty confusing blur.
Anyway, I am trying to get my life back together so that I can actually start doing some of the awesome things I planned on doing this year. But this morning I started thinking, "Hmm. The words 'getting my life BACK together' imply that my life has deteriorated from a previous state of 'togetherness.' I'm not so sure I EVER had my 'life together' to begin with."
I remember my second senior year of college (that should tell you something right there) when I was 24 and most the girls on my hall were 18-year-old freshmen. Bless them, most of them looked up to me. Some of them even called me "Mama Ruth." And a few of them even expressed to me that they thought I had it "all together." Yeah, I'm sure it probably seemed that way because I had 6 years of experience that those girls didn't yet have. The truth is, I've never really had it "all together."
But I really do want to be more organized than I currently am. I don't have to be perfect. That's not what I'm all about here. This idea of having it "all together" is just how I'd like to appear to people, and honestly, it just doesn't really matter what other people think. Most people don't pay enough attention anyway because they don't care. Most of them are probably too busy trying to organize their own lives to worry about how I do or do not organize my life. It's just this stupid competition we all imagine ourselves having with other people.
With that being said, I still need to get organized so that I can actually start doing the things I want to do this year (and this life). The reason for this is because I've been given a lot; I'm responsible for using what I've been given.
I've heard well-meaning people say we should just trust God. Trust God and it will all turn out all right. Trust God. Trust God. Trust God.
I know where they're coming from. I believe, as they most likely do, that Christians are not saved by works, but by the grace of God through faith in Jesus. And I can understand how it can seem a little sticky when God has given us work to do. How much of that work is our effort, and how much of that is God's intervention?
It's easy to drift to one extreme or the other. Either we don't do anything and just "trust God," or we go to the other end, putting all our human effort into it--and eventually get arrogant and steal glory from God.
In the not too distant past, I think I was veering towards the first of those, though perhaps not to the most extreme extreme. I was working towards my goals and working on the projects I had, but I was not doing as much as I could. I didn't want to take glory from God. I wanted to trust Him to complete what He had begun.
But the more I write, pray, and live, the more I believe I am supposed to be an excellent writer--or at least the most excellent writer I can be. It's not because I have some glorious ambition of being the next J. K. Rowling (that train left a lot time ago--and it was NOT the Hogwarts Express). It's because the One who has called me and equipped me is excellent.
When it all comes down to it, I didn't will myself to be a writer. The ability to write was given to me. The abilities to imagine, create, dream, edit were also given to me. God the Author has made me in His image by breathing His creativity into me. He's given me dreams that have become stories. When I sit down with pen and paper, or when I sit down at the laptop keyboard, something happens. The Creator of the universe enables me to write. The gifts are from Him.
But if I don't sit down and write, then nothing happens.
And if I write and just try to present the first draft of my stories or songs or whatever, they might be good, but they probably aren't excellent. And I've got to look beyond the idea that I'm making things excellent so that other people will see their excellence. Certainly that is a very good thing. I want people to enjoy and get something out of what I write. But it's not the most important thing.
Because Cain killed his brother Abel because he was jealous that God had found Abel's sacrifice acceptable, while rejecting Cain's. But Cain's heart wasn't right to begin with, because he didn't give his best. And like Cain, I don't have anything except what's been given me. But if I just put forth minimal effort with what I've been given, then that's a pretty poor offering.
The context is slightly different, but King David said that he would not offer God a sacrifice that cost him nothing. In David's case, he was insisting upon paying a man for the location, oxen, and materials he would use for a burnt offering. In my situation, the context is different, but the idea is the same. Am I to offer to God work that cost me nothing--or next to nothing? Am I to just produce something to be producing it, or should it be my best work?
And if it's my best work, then shouldn't I be spending a lot more time writing, editing, rewriting, and editing again...and again...and again...? Shouldn't I really be working to pursue agents instead of just sending out a few pathetic letters and praying for the best?
I've come to the conclusion that the work I do is not something I enable myself to do, but since I have been given the ability, I also have the responsibility to produce the most excellent work I can. It's not because I'm brilliant. It's not because I want to be some great writer (well, okay, so I do...but that's not the main thing). It's because the One who has called me is worth my best work.
So I'm trying to get my life as "together" as I can get it. It's a work in progress, like pretty much everything else. I'm starting a diet/exercise routine tomorrow (God willing). I'm trying to stick with a plan of reading the Bible in a year. I'm keeping record of whether or not I pray everyday, just because I know I'm not disciplined without it (on a side note, I'm not just praying to check it off a list. I'm praying because I need to spend time with God, but I know myself enough to know that right now I need the discipline aid of marking it off a list). I'm also going to start making some goals for myself in getting writing done and query letters out. I also need to start making some serious plans towards recording some songs. That's right. And with those songs, I'm going to have to settle for making them only as excellent as I can make them. My guitar skills are on an elementary level. In other words, I suck.
But the Lord has given me these things to do. I have some interesting ideas for them. I'm excited to see what He's going to do in the next few months. I'm pretty sure I'll never have it "all together," but even though I'm trying to work hard, I'm still relying on grace. There's hope. Lots of hope.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011: The Year I Make Contact??
So sorry I haven't updated in a while. December was the craziest month ever with parties and shopping and baking and traveling. Now it's January. January 1. 1/1/11. I was still accidentally writing 2009 on checks, so I'm not exactly sure what happened to 2010, but it's gone.
And I'm sad to report that Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke were wrong. 2010 was NOT the year we made contact. (If you're confused, 2010 was the sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Now you know.)
Aww.
Oh well, that movie sucked. The book was a little better, but I'm kind of glad alien monoliths aren't popping up all over the solar system...
But I was really hoping that 2010 would be the year I personally made contact with a literary agent. I was wise enough not to put down in writing, "My resolution for 2010 is to get an agent and a book contract." Rather, my resolution for 2010 was, "I want to do everything in my power to find an agent and work towards getting a book contract." The thing is, I'm not entirely sure I did everything within my power to find an agent. BUT, I'm not sure how much wisdom was in that resolution anyway.
I mean, I've learned SO much over the past year about the writing/publishing industry. I've learned it's a LOT harder and takes a LOT longer than most people believe to find an agent/get a book contract. In fact, if I were to get signed by an agent today, it could still be years before getting published. Years. ...if 2010 hadn't been such a short year, I might be crying right now.
Honestly, I'm glad I didn't do everything in my power to get an agent last year. That would have meant doing some pretty stupid things--like quitting my jobs so I could write/edit more, or telling my friends I could never see them again because I had writing stuff to do, or telling my mom that I'd return all her phone calls after I finally got a book contract. My mom would be waiting awhile...
I'm not sure what a wiser resolution would be, but I do have some resolutions for the year. One of them is realistically attainable, if I work towards it and make it a priority. Another is realistically attainable, if I work towards it and communicate well with other parties involved. Another is attainable in theory, but only if the stars properly align.
Last year I lost 40 pounds. Unfortunately, I stopped exercising in about August and started eating massive amounts of cookies in November, and I've consequently gained back about 10 pounds. So one of my resolutions for this year is to lose another 20 pounds. Definitely attainable if I work towards it and make exercise a priority--yes, even over writing. I need to set aside time to exercise. That's all there is to it.
I also have a resolution this year to get something published. This is attainable because I don't plan on traditionally publishing this project. I plan on going through a small company. It's a collection of short stories. At this point, most of them need editing, and I might even need to write a few more. But I think this goal is very attainable if I work towards it. I plan on being able to call myself a published author this year.
My other resolution is trickier, and probably very unwise, but I think it's possible. I want to sign with a literary agent this year. I'm much closer to being able to attain that goal than I was last year. We'll see what happens.
All in all, I'm pretty excited about a new year. I'm excited to see what will happen to me personally and professionally. I'm excited to see what's happening in the lives of my friends and in the lives of my fellow writers. There's a lot going on. Basically, I'm just going to keep trying to be faithful with what God's given me to do...but more on that in the next blog.
Thank you to all of you who read this for sharing in what's going on with me.
And I'm sad to report that Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke were wrong. 2010 was NOT the year we made contact. (If you're confused, 2010 was the sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Now you know.)
Aww.
Oh well, that movie sucked. The book was a little better, but I'm kind of glad alien monoliths aren't popping up all over the solar system...
But I was really hoping that 2010 would be the year I personally made contact with a literary agent. I was wise enough not to put down in writing, "My resolution for 2010 is to get an agent and a book contract." Rather, my resolution for 2010 was, "I want to do everything in my power to find an agent and work towards getting a book contract." The thing is, I'm not entirely sure I did everything within my power to find an agent. BUT, I'm not sure how much wisdom was in that resolution anyway.
I mean, I've learned SO much over the past year about the writing/publishing industry. I've learned it's a LOT harder and takes a LOT longer than most people believe to find an agent/get a book contract. In fact, if I were to get signed by an agent today, it could still be years before getting published. Years. ...if 2010 hadn't been such a short year, I might be crying right now.
Honestly, I'm glad I didn't do everything in my power to get an agent last year. That would have meant doing some pretty stupid things--like quitting my jobs so I could write/edit more, or telling my friends I could never see them again because I had writing stuff to do, or telling my mom that I'd return all her phone calls after I finally got a book contract. My mom would be waiting awhile...
I'm not sure what a wiser resolution would be, but I do have some resolutions for the year. One of them is realistically attainable, if I work towards it and make it a priority. Another is realistically attainable, if I work towards it and communicate well with other parties involved. Another is attainable in theory, but only if the stars properly align.
Last year I lost 40 pounds. Unfortunately, I stopped exercising in about August and started eating massive amounts of cookies in November, and I've consequently gained back about 10 pounds. So one of my resolutions for this year is to lose another 20 pounds. Definitely attainable if I work towards it and make exercise a priority--yes, even over writing. I need to set aside time to exercise. That's all there is to it.
I also have a resolution this year to get something published. This is attainable because I don't plan on traditionally publishing this project. I plan on going through a small company. It's a collection of short stories. At this point, most of them need editing, and I might even need to write a few more. But I think this goal is very attainable if I work towards it. I plan on being able to call myself a published author this year.
My other resolution is trickier, and probably very unwise, but I think it's possible. I want to sign with a literary agent this year. I'm much closer to being able to attain that goal than I was last year. We'll see what happens.
All in all, I'm pretty excited about a new year. I'm excited to see what will happen to me personally and professionally. I'm excited to see what's happening in the lives of my friends and in the lives of my fellow writers. There's a lot going on. Basically, I'm just going to keep trying to be faithful with what God's given me to do...but more on that in the next blog.
Thank you to all of you who read this for sharing in what's going on with me.
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