I'm hoping to get my website set up tonight--the one about singlehood, the church, etc. That doesn't mean I'm "open for business" or whatever, but it means I'm another step closer. I'm really excited, and I'm really scared. But it is so time.
A year ago, I'm not sure if I would have been ready for this. I had all these dreams about getting my works of fiction published (not self-published), and I still have those dreams. I'm just not sure that the path I was hoping to take in order to get there is the path that I will end up taking. I'm not sure what is going to happen with my blog, but I believe God has plans for it. Right now, that's where my attention needs to be. And I have a weird feeling that if I'm faithful to do this, the other plans I have are going to somehow fall into place--in time.
And maybe that's hard for some people to understand. I'm not even sure why this blog idea presented itself when it did, but when it did, I knew I had to go for it. I'm someone who likes to hesitate, to procrastinate due to fear. Fear of what? Of doing something I've never done before, of not doing it right or doing it well, of failure, of success, of the unknown. But since the idea to do a blog occurred to me, I've sensed an urgency. It's time to do this, and I'm doing what it takes to get it done. It's because I'm really not the one in control of this whole thing.
And that's a scary thought, too. I like being in control. I like knowing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and what will happen when I do it. I like having it all planned out within the context of my known capabilities. I don't like it when things aren't in my control or power. I don't like it when what I have to do depends on the actions and reactions of other people. And while I'm a kind of blogger-leader in this venture, I know that the content of my blog is going to depend greatly on the responses I get from my readers.
I'm resistant to change and I'm resistant to things that make me uncomfortable. I guess everyone is, but I've really seen a pattern of how these qualities have ruled my life. And lately, I've just seen that I need to get over my insecurities. I've got to be open-minded. I've got to be flexible. The Lord has been preparing me in so many ways for this moment in my life, and I know He's still got some work to do on me. I guess it's just going to be learning on the fly now.
The thing is, there's just so much learning that can be done when it's just you and God. There's God's Word. There's prayer. These are both essential things for a life that glorifies God. And that's my goal for this blog, the goal for my life, to glorify God. I don't put that anywhere on my "about me" info or whatever, because if you can't tell by the content of this blog, I'm a Christian, and I want to honor God with everything I do. Do I succeed in that all the time? Of course not. That's because when you get out in the "real world" away from church and your prayer closet and your Bible, you're confronted with people. And people aren't predictable. And people are hard to deal with. And people are messy.
But God made people to need one another. Yes, ultimately, we need Him. We need Him in order to live and breathe and be; we need to be connected to Him in order to love and hope and grow. But God never intended anyone to live within a box of self. And if we're going to learn how to put the things we read about in Scripture and the things we pray through during our quiet times--if we're ever going to learn how to put these things into practice, we have to encounter others. Sometimes we're going to fail, and sometimes we're going to succeed. And God never intended all our failures and successes to be kept to ourselves.
The reason I want to start this blog about singlehood and the church is because I want to learn alongside others. I want to share my experiences as well as read the experiences of others. I want to ask questions that will help me and others understand what people are going through. I want to know how we can better glorify God together instead of sticking to the status quo of our own little bubbles of comfort and safety. People are messy, but the thing is, we're all people. That means we're all messy. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have pains and joys. We all have successes and failures. We all need love. We all need grace.
I don't want this website/blog to be just for singles or just for church people or just for whatever. I want it to be open for anyone who wants to read and contribute to discussion. And that's scary, but it's an opportunity to learn...even when it's messy. Perhaps especially when it's messy. So I continue to ask for prayer. I continue to ask you to stay tuned, considering how to help me spread the word about this site once it is ready to unveil.
Thank you so much for the support you have already given me. I'm thankful to all who come read this, who take time out to listen to my ramblings. Stay tuned!