I've been reading Hebrews for the past couple of days. I came across "The Faith Chapter" (Hebrews 11) today. I've read this passage several times before, but I noticed something today that I'd never really paid attention to until now. It was convicting.
I've been so apathetic for the past few weeks. Maybe it's because I've been SO busy that I've just needed rest, but when I've had free time (and I've had a lot more than usual lately), I've not used it wisely. I've done completely unproductive activities...if you can even call them "activities." Part of me is just waiting for a time when I'll get bored of it and snap out of it, and part of me is scared I won't get bored of it and won't snap out of it.
In the past, I've been motivated because of my dreams and plans for my future. Right now, that's not even working. I would like to be a published author, but at the moment I'm doing nothing to get to that point. And I don't even seem to care about it. The end result doesn't seem worth any effort to me right now. And that's not okay. Laziness is not okay. I'm wondering if I'm acting this way because I don't want to put forth the effort for something I think is going to fail.
How many times to I need to remind myself that God has given me these stories to write? How many times do I need to remind myself that I don't have to do a thing besides be faithful with what He's given me? But the thing is, I'm not faithful. Not like those people in Hebrews 11.
Do you know what I noticed about all of those Biblical characters listed in Hebrews 11? They all DID something. They all ACTED on their faith. Some of them had some pretty big things to do. Some of these things didn't make a whole lot of sense by human understanding. I'd list them, but they're already listed in Scripture. The people in Hebrews 11 didn't just believe, they put action to their faith...and God did remarkable things through them. They understood that "faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen." When you have faith, you are expectant.
I've not been very expectant lately.
So the question I ask myself now is, "Do I believe God enough to act out my faith--even and perhaps especially when the things I've been given to do don't make a lot of sense?"
I still get the skepticism (even though I get way more encouragement--thank you to all my wonderful friends and family) about my desire to write/sell books. It's not a practical thing to do. Unless I luck out like Stephenie Meyer, I'm not going to be able to make a decent living even if I DO manage to sell my books. And maybe all these little voices, all the skeptics, are convincing me that I shouldn't even try. Or that it's not worth the effort.
When am I going to learn that all things are possible with God? When am I going to believe that He is good, able, and loving--that He's got plans for me that are so beyond what I can ask or imagine? If I believe Him, I'm going to act on those beliefs. I'm going to try without fearing failure--because He's in control whether I fail or succeed.
Everything that comes my way is filtered by grace.
If only I had the faith to believe that day after day...
Maybe I'm getting there. I know I'm closer than I've been before. Why? Because God is faithful whether I am or not.