Sunday, June 5, 2011

SEW Sunday: Help

(SEW Sundays are where I rant about discuss what's going on with the queries I am SENDING to agents, my EDITING, and my WRITING.)

So my Boot Camp week went very well in some ways.  I stuck closer to my diet than I originally intended...and if I exercise tonight the way I plan, I'll have burned 2500 calories in exercise-related activities this week.  Sure, some crazy people burn that much in one workout, but 1) I don't have that much time, and 2) I'm a pansy.  I've not lost all the weight that I gained back, but I'm not particularly worried about it.  I'll get there.

And why am I talking about weight loss and exercise and calories when I'm supposed to be talking about queries and editing and writing?  Because I'm avoiding the truth that I've done like nothing in that area this week.  Nada. 

And I'm not particularly ashamed of myself.  This week, as most weeks do, turned out busier than I anticipated.  Sure, I wasted some of the free time I did have.  I'm still trying to kick a little of my apathy.  Or maybe it's not apathy so much as it's fear. 

One really good thing in my writing world did happen this week.  On Friday, I went out to lunch with a fellow novelist who is trying to sell her books.  (You can read her funny funny blog here...and be sure to subscribe to it, because you'll want to keep reading!).  She's a lot further than I am in the process, so it was helpful to get to chat with her and glean a little from her experiences.  I have a feeling I'm going to be asking her a lot of questions as I continue my own journey into the insanity of trying to get published.  She wants to read my first book, so I need to do another run-through/edit and make sure it's ready by Sunday.  That gives me a deadline.  Someone like me NEEDS deadlines sometimes.  ...okay...MOST of the time.  And hopefully she can help me with my synopsis, because I'm pretty much like a lost puppy when it comes to that thing. 

What I'm about to say might sound like another excuse and/or cop-out, and maybe it is another excuse and/or cop-out.  I am starting to realize that while, YES, I should be working towards my goals a lot harder than I am, maybe taking my time in this matter is not a bad thing.  I mean, my life's dream is to be a published writer (preferably a best-selling one...with a Newbery medal...but right now I'd settle for a foot in the door).  I can't afford to rush into things too much.  Yes, there's something to be said for taking chances and risks.  Sometimes that works out for some people, but I don't think it's the norm.  And honestly, it's not my style.

I think my book is good.  I also think the other two books I've completed are good (though I need to get my act together and start seriously editing them).  The writing and editing process was hard, and I didn't always know what I was doing, but eventually I learned.  And I'm still learning.  But now I have to learn how to make someone else interested enough in my books to want to try to help me sell them.  And that's the hardest step yet.  Even after all the research I've done, I don't really know what I"m doing.  I need help.  And right now, I feel as though the Lord is leading me to seek that help. 

Unfortunately, this means more waiting.  The thing is, while I'm waiting, I can't afford to keep being idle.  There is editing to be done on projects that aren't ready to be sold.  Even if I HATE my synopsis and need help with it, I can still work on it.  I can research agents. 

Turns out, writing is just like everything else in life.  I've got to learn to balance faith and deeds.  I know I'm not the one in control.  I'm not the one directing my own steps.  And I don't always know exactly what step is coming next.  I like to know what step to take next.  If I had my way, the entire course of this would be plotted out for me so that I could see what I need to do and right when I need to do it.  God knows this. 

God doesn't give me what I want.  He does, however, give me everything that I need.  So I can't see what's going to happen or when it's going to happen.  Sometimes He waits till the last minute to show me what to do, and sometimes He doesn't show me what action I'm supposed to take at all--and I just have to walk in faith and trust that He's not going to lead me astray.  And right now, as always, I know the basic things I should be doing.  In life, it's reading His word, following His commands, seeking His face, showing love to others.  Even when we don't know what we're supposed to do in the grand scheme of life, we know the little things we should be doing from day to day.  In writing, I know I should be working on different things, even if I don't know all the little details of what I need to do next. 

So I guess that my prayer for this week is that I'll JUST DO SOMETHING and trust the Lord while I'm doing it.  And if life gets in the way (as it often does), I won't allow myself to feel bad about those things.  Because while I'm working waiting for this writing stuff to happen, there's a lot of life to live. 

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